Leaving an end-of-life letter

Jane, Almost 74

I thought I would leave this end-of-life letter behind for my daughters-in-law when I die. My experience with them has been difficult, I have not been able to communicate with them effectively, and I find that writing helps me to cope with such challenges. I wonder what you think about my doing this. (I thought I might also leave a letter behind for my sons, if I become so inspired to write it.)

Dear Sue and Rachel,

Well, I am finally off and away to my next big adventure.

I wanted to share a few thoughts with you because in no time, when/if your children get married or have kids, you will move to the role of grandmother and mother-in-law. This is a big shift and will be a big adjustment. Your children won’t need you any longer the way they did when they were growing up. It will be time for them to move on to their own independent adult lives. And if you’re like me, it will probably take some getting used to.

You may experience the stereotypical MIL/DIL(SIL) dynamic that can include tension, resentment, competition, disrespect, rejection, and even a feeling of becoming invisible no matter how hard you try to make it otherwise.

Or you may be in the fortunate position of having a daughter- or son-in-law who loves you like a mother. They may call you on the phone from time-to-time or even ask for your advice. I hope this will be the case for you, although according to my friends’ experiences and what I’ve read, this will be most often not the case.

I sincerely hope that whatever your experience is will be positive and loving and that you will be able to peacefully accept whatever comes your way.

❤️
Jane

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Death and dying, Family matters, Parenting | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Remembering

Anonymous

My best friend in high school called last week. We spoke about friends we lost. How some obituaries read like a curriculum vitae. I suppose this was how this person was valued during their life. I see this on Fb, too among the living. Photos of this person with a celebrity or another listing their credentials promoting themselves.

I remember attending a friend’s funeral years ago. Another highly accomplished person, but no one spoke to that. Instead, they mentioned the person’s kindness and compassion to others. Overcoming insurmountable obstacles in their life. Their love of Appalachian culture, riding horses, design, watercolors, friendship, hiking, great films. Kindness. A good friend. And, then quiet ensued. These final words said it all.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the audience.

Posted in 70candles, Death and dying, Gratitude and Spirituality, Inspiration as we age | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Late to the environmental party but making up for lost time…

Barbara Greenleaf
 
When we were growing up, there was an ethos of hard work: anything you produced of value would have to be serious and difficult to do. Throughout my life, I bought into that idea, big time. This was evident in my writing, which was long on research and short on personality. Then, in middle age, I discovered my funny bone with my book, This Old Body: And 99 Other Reasons to Laugh at Life, and I haven’t looked back since.

Recently, in Adventures in ECO Land: My Humorous Take on Going Green, I’ve applied a light touch to an uber-heavy topic, the environment. I’m not cavalier about global warming, but believe that people are more open to a message, especially an unwelcome one, when you’ve first brought a smile to their lips.

In an effort to do my part, I’ve started the grassroots organization ECO Team, which encourages individuals to make the small changes that help slow climate change and heal the planet. Collectively, these small changes add up to a lot. Also, I have found that once people put their foot on the sustainability ladder, they tend to keep climbing. ECO Team holds monthly meetings with outside speakers, takes field trips, and bestows our annual Ed Begley, Jr. Award to honor environmental pioneers.
 
I wrap my environmental messages in light-hearted vignettes like this one:
 
Clothes, Clothes Everywhere and Not a Thing to Wear
 
According to a survey of 1,000 women by the organizing company ClosetMaid, the average American woman has 103 items of clothing in her closet, but she wears only 10 % of the them. Apparently, she considers 21% unwearable, 33% too tight, and 24% too loose. (I don’t know what’s wrong with the remaining 12%, but for some reason she is neither wearing them nor giving them away.) Why don’t we purge? Studies show we justify holding onto clothes because a) they cost a lot, b) we have emotional ties to them, or, most commonly, c) we can’t face the decision necessary for winnowing.
 
And women may not be the worst offenders. Men tend to put the same laundered shirts and tees on the top of their clean pile week in and week out, yet they cling to the bottom of the pile as if those unworn coverings were religious relics. (“Relics” yes, “religious” no.) But far and away the biggest culprits in today’s consumer society are teenagers. In the 1950s Americans generally owned one pair of sneakers. Today’s teens own eight pairs on average and 30% of young adults buy a new pair every month. No wonder YouTube mavens are obsessed with utilizing every square inch of closet space in order to house all our clothing, shoes, and accessories.

Owning great amounts of wearables would merely be cause for a chuckle or a rueful tsk-tsk if it weren’t for the massive environmental impact of producing and dyeing all the necessary raw materials, fabricating them, distributing them, and then disposing of them. In fact, the fashion industry accounts for 10 percent of the world’s gas emissions. The toll on its low-paid workers is equally horrendous as manufacturers chase the cheapest needle to the ends of the earth, especially to the southern hemisphere.
 
I don’t think of myself as particularly acquisitive, yet when I recently took a clear-eyed look at my closet, I was appalled to see how much stuff was in there. These items must date back to the Before time because, during Covid, what did I wear beside a pair of ratty old nighttime pajamas and a pair of dressier daytime pajamas?

I’ve resolved to call a halt to my consumerism and reduce what ends up in the landfill —within reason. I’m finding there are a plethora of options for renting clothes: high end (Rent the Runway), budget (Nuuly), or vintage (20Age Archive). Here in Santa Barbara, there are also REI’s returned items, Goodwill’s donated items, and Renaissance’s consigned items. Finally, I am closing the clothing loop by giving away the usable things and driving the hopeless cases to the county recycling center, where they are turned into industrial rags.
 
I feel so virtuous with all this to-ing and fro-ing that I think I deserve to rent a halo. Maybe I’m a little behind the fashion curve as the halo was already passé during the Renaissance, but this testament to my attempts to live sustainably has a lot to commend it: a halo is lightweight, it adorns but doesn’t muss one’s hair, and it goes with everything. Best of all, when I’m done with it, I can pass along the halo to another sister-in sustainability. It’s a win-win for the wearers and, most importantly, a win-win for the environment.

Adventures in ECO Land: My Humorous Take on Going Green is available on Amazon in print and Kindle.

Posted in 70candles, Goals ahead, HUMOR, Inspiration as we age | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

An aha! moment for a cranky old lady

Jane almost 74

I had an “aha moment” the other day. I met up with a couple who are friends of mine, and I noticed how one of them barked orders at the other and the subsequent hurt look on her partner’s face. I immediately began to criticize her behavior in my mind.

Later in the day I was thinking about this, and I began to realize that I criticize just about everybody all the time. And I’ve been doing this for many years.

How toxic is this? No wonder I often feel down. What is my problem? I analyze everyone and so often get upset because people don’t behave the way I think they should.

I have become a cranky old lady right before my very own eyes!

I’ve been living alone for the past three years now, and this has been getting to me. So, I decided to move into a 62+ independent living apartment complex that is in the same neighborhood as my son and grandkids. I’m thinking that this will result in a better social life. I won’t be spending so many hours alone. I do have a lot of friends, but still, I spend most of the time by myself.

I feel like I’m turning a corner and am able to step back and observe and accept situations whereas before, I would have been critical. It’s a much lighter feeling not sinking into that negative quagmire. I’m hoping I will continue to open my heart in this positive way and that when I move, I can start fresh with a new group of potential friends.

I have a feeling of hope now and actually am realizing that it is possible to continue to grow, even at almost age 74.

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Aging, Goals ahead, Loneliness, Looking ahead, Older women connecting, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Being relevant on purpose

Susan, Age 74

More and more I hear MEN say they don’t feel relevant. On a recent inquiry, I asked why.

“People don’t seek me out anymore. Ask my thoughts. The young mingle with the young. The forty-somethings think they are experts.”

Trying not to chuckle, I had to agree.

“You know, we did the same thing” I said.

A gerontologist by training, I have always enjoyed older people. Their wisdom, stories and thoughts and insights. I’ve joined a couple of groups recently. In one group, I am getting to know another writer. She told me she won’t share her age, but that she is much older than my mid seventy years. Much older. She doesn’t want people to judge her by her age, make assumptions.

After much thought, I responded that we continually make choices about the kinds of friends with which we associate, the ones with which we share our stories. An accomplished writer, this woman’s lips remain tight. She went on to say she wants younger friends. She didn’t seem to understand the contradiction. I suppose we all have our own.

I thought about whether I felt relevant. She didn’t understand the notion of relevance when I broached that. At least I didn’t hear about it. Feeling relevant has more to do with having a purpose. And, I think, that might be what some men are saying. Purposes can and do change over time.

Making new friends at this age is hard. Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe we try too hard to find a commonality, a way to communicate deeply. Find others willing to risk their vulnerability. To share one’s humanity. Experiences.

Having spent years among nature, I continue to learn that relevance is relative. In a society which encourages, demands that we seek satisfaction outside ourselves with incessant shopping, following cultural mores, many of which reinforce negative ways of being in the world, all we really have is our relationship to ourselves. Why? Because we are always running away from ourselves.

I continue working on being relevant. It is how we ease the way for others, contribute to society and being equally vulnerable, equally strong. Not just to others, but to ourselves.

My 75th birthday is this fall. For years, I thought I would travel with family out of the country as we did before my grandchildren were born. It just doesn’t feel relevant to my lifestyle now. Maybe I will throw a party and savor the moment. Either way, I have to work at feeling relevant. On purpose.

Again, thank you from my heart for this blog.

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Attitudes about aging, Goals ahead, Men aging | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Doing what I can

Anonymous, Age 69

Hi-

I’m a 69 year-old southern Californian. I retired at 61 and I’m enjoying it. I did return to my old job back in 2018 to work part-time (less than 10 hours a week), which is terrific. I just do the parts of the job that I loved, so no meetings, etc. It keeps my brain sharp.

At 59, in preparation for the aging body and the loss of balance, etc, I started a regular yoga practice at a local studio. I ended up loving it and enjoyed the attention from my teachers, who pushed me to go through yoga teacher training. I put it off until I was 65, and now I have a teaching certificate. I started to sub at a local Y just before Covid hit, and haven’t been back to sub, though I could probably audition at another Y if I wanted to be held to a schedule. I have mixed feelings about that.

I also go to a gym, where, to my amazement, I still turn the heads of men in their 40s. I’m guessing it’s the same dynamic that drew my yoga teachers to me. Ha! If they knew how old I was, they’d be surprised. I thank my parents for the strong, dense muscles I inherited that keep me strong as long as I take care of them.

I’ve led yoga sessions with former colleagues for fun, and for my book club. I’ve gone on yoga retreats as far as Peru and Mallorca and as close as Santa Barbara, CA and Cabo San Lucas.

I’m mulling around the idea of teaching chair yoga to my contemporaries at a local Y, as I notice they’ll take regular yoga classes there and struggle with getting down and up from the floor. I don’t want them to hurt themselves and then give it up. I just have to decide I want to commit to a schedule.

I love seeing photos of women my age and older lifting weights, practicing power yoga, flaunting their leggings and tops, and leading others towards fitness.

The other activity that occupies me has been GOTV efforts and supporting a few local campaigns. I am so afraid of what this country will be like for my daughter and any children she may have. As a black woman, I am fearful that hysterical, racialized, hateful white people will cheat to maintain power and destroy our democracy and push to deny climate change. So I do what I can on that front.

Cheers!

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Aging, Attitudes about aging, Goals ahead, Our bodies, our health, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Lipstick Won’t Do It This Time Sister

Judi Meirowitz Tischler, Age 73

You look like crap!
This is what my best friend said when visiting me a few days after my unplanned hospital stay.

The Monday night episode had not been my first but it was the one I could not ignore. As my legs buckled I crumbled to the floor between the bedroom and bathroom, took in rapid, shallow breaths and visualized my forehead filled with suds. Bubble Brain was how I described it to the Triage Team. Not able to stand and determined not to lose consciousness, I bumped down the recently carpeted 28 steps from our third floor bedroom. Neither my husband nor I considered calling an ambulance. The local community hospital is a quick drive at 3:00 am. Only luck determined that was not a stupid decision.

Within five minutes of arrival at the Emergency entrance, I was in a bed surrounded by a well rehearsed team introducing themselves, repeatedly asking my name and date of birth and did I know where I was and why. I had a needle in my arm, first drawing blood and then administering fluid, and a Covid swab up my nose. Electrodes were placed on my body, a nurse practitioner had a stethoscope to my chest, a portable x-ray machine had been wheeled into my room and a monitor was beeping above my head recording vitals and heart rhythm. I remained alert and apparently oriented. I asked if I was having a heart attack. “No” was the reply, “We are concerned about a stroke.”

Having retired from a long career, much of it as a nursing home social worker, stroke was the thing I feared the most. It was the lurker that had motivated me to stay active, maintain a healthy weight and eat well. I was now on high alert. A doctor entered the room, introduced herself as a cardiologist and explained that I was in Atrial Fibrillation. She drew a rudimentary picture of what was going on in my heart and why it was dangerous. The plan was to wait twenty more minutes to see if I would revert to a regular rhythm on my own and remain that way for several hours. If not, I would need to be paddled. This carried risks. If I had developed any clots they could be dislodged and cause a stroke. I appreciated the clear explanation. I waited. My heart complied and I did not need external intervention.

Next was a medication lesson. Two drugs were prescribed, a blood thinner and a blood pressure regulator. I balked at the blood thinner since I am clumsy and bruise easily. After being reminded that taking the medications was my choice I was advised that refusing would be a foolish choice. The medications were begun. I tolerated them and was discharged at 5:00 pm with a follow up cardiology appointment.

The cataract surgery that had been scheduled for the next day was canceled.

The medications left me fatigued. I was irritable. Aside from my immediate family and two friends, I told no one. Thanksgiving arrived. I was relieved to be seated at the grownup table. Four elders, each with their own medical problems and public verses private management styles. I was quiet and deflective. I avoided the rituals that had accompanied previous changes in my status quo. There would be no social media announcement. I spent a full week assembling my Med Minders: AM, PM, With Food, On Empty Stomach.Two were left in the kitchen, two in the bathroom. I began to take stock of my health changes since turning 70.

Then, having had enough of myself I took to the woods. The woods near my house have long been a refuge. When the kids were young I would go there before they came home from school to recharge in preparation for the evening’s responsibilities. Early morning and mid afternoon are now my favorite times. The paths on which I had previously run while training for competitions are now for walking and noticing. Books and podcasts engage me where previously schedules and deadlines had raced through my mind. The woods worked their magic. Pep and optimism returned. A feeling of gratitude surfaced. Heading home, I decided that after the essential bathroom stop I would begin my year end charitable contributions, the envelopes already piled up on my desk.

A phone call interrupted me as I began.
It was my son. Having seen him and his family on Thanksgiving just days before, I was concerned and answered immediately. His news caused my heart to flutter. A new baby was coming in July.

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Aging, Family matters, Our bodies, our health, Resilience | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Bathing Suit

Judi Meirowitz Tischler

Swimming is our Family Sport. My three kids love it as do their children. Some families bike, hike or play football together. We swim. My parents, brothers, and I grew up without much disposable income, swimming was a good choice, requiring no equipment other than proper swim attire. Even that can be improvised or dispensed with altogether.

We prefer lakes. Ocean is ok but too much to contend with especially the sand and the absence of shade. Pools, in the colder months are a poor substitute. We are not fond of chlorine and smelling like laundry. Swimming in a lake feels like an adventure, especially if an occasional fish glides by or tadpoles and frogs show up near the shore.

I traveled abroad in my 20’s. Having gotten her first passport, my mother joined me for a week. It was summer and of course in planning our time together we each packed a bathing suit.

Mom splurged and got an expensive one at an upscale New York Department Store. We rented a car and laid out a three-day road trip. Our goal was to see some countryside and to hit two lakes a day. Using a paper map, it was easy to see the lakes and their proximity to the roads. It went swimmingly. For the rest of my mother’s life, we fondly recalled our only vacation together as mother and daughter.

Not all swimming adventures go as smoothly.
In my 30’s I was married to a clergyman with a stodgy congregation.
I was the mother of a four-year old and we moved into our new community during a heat wave. The town’s tourist material boasted a lake.
Daughter in tow, I found what I would generously call a shallow swimming hole. It would have to do.

Into the water we went. We splashed around and played in the mud.
I had not yet been introduced to the congregation members but someone had spotted us. An emergency meeting of the Board of Directors was called. It was reported that the Pastor’s wife was seen at the lake in a green two -piece bathing suit. “We can’t have this level of immodesty representing our congregation”, was the rallying cry.

The item described was barely a two- piece: no cleavage, no belly button but two pieces nonetheless. This scandal followed me throughout my husband’s tenure. I heard that it was retold when considering his replacement years later.

Now in my 70’s, I live in an empty nest that is too large to maintain, but I have no plans to downsize. It is a three-minute walk from my front door to the lake. This summer I have been going early in the morning. A few other older ladies gather at that time. Confidently attired in our one-piece suits we grin and say: “Good Morning”. Gracefully someone steps forward to be the first. In she goes, up to her knees, then to her waist. Each in turn, we plunge beneath the surface and with a kick and a stroke emerge in the deep water. No one peers at us, no one reports us. We can float free and belly up, grateful for a beautiful day.

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Attitudes about aging, Older women connecting, Our bodies, our health, Traveling | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Embracing Old Age

By Amy Bryant

“Oh, Amy, you don’t look your age. I would have taken you for _______ (here they insert a number 15 years younger than my number),” and I beam with pride over the compliment. We live in a youth-oriented society in which age-related compliments always refer to being young looking. Except, of course, when a gentleman calls you “young lady.” What he really means is, “I can see you’re an old broad, but I want to make you feel good.”

My grandmother was a plump old lady, who stood four feet eleven inches tall. She looked like the grandmothers in my storybooks. Gram didn’t mind being called plump or old, it was a revered part of her identity; a status that had been earned. I remember curling up in her lap, nestled against her big bosoms. She wrapped her fat arms around me with pride. Gram never heard of abs or triceps.

She did wear a corset, not the twenty first century lacy kind accompanied by stilettos. Hers had small metal strips called stays. The purpose was to hold the ample body in a bit to prevent jiggling. It’s what made it possible for her to eat the second piece of bread pudding, totally guilt free. She didn’t go to the gym. Her exercise consisted of cleaning an eight-room two story house, and walking up and down to the basement to do laundry, which was then hauled outdoors to dry on the line.

Somehow, plump elder pride skipped my generation. When I only had 70-plus candles, it was easy to keep up the youthful image. I really did look much younger than my age, and with boundless energy, I had no problem upholding the image. But now, with 80-plus candles on my cake, the image is more of a struggle. I have aches and pains, as well as hidden wrinkles, that were not present with 70 candles. As I talk with friends who are my 80 candle peers, I don’t want to be compelled to deny the aging process.

In years gone by, and in other parts of the world, there have been cultures that embrace the elder status. I would like the greater society to admire more than my youthfulness. How nice it would be for our society to honor my elder status.

Cultures that value old age tend to de-emphasize the physical aspects of aging, and to emphasize the values that they bring to the society. Recently, I was introduced to the concept of Blue Zones: countries such as Japan, Korea, India, and Greece. where it is not unusual for people to live until the age of 100, and where old age is honored. In Blue Zone countries, as well as traditional Native American and African cultures, old people are held in high esteem. They are revered for their wisdom (developed by their mistakes, as well as their successes), and their advice is welcomed. They are an integral part of the family, cared for by their adult children, and do not suffer from isolation. Old people are the storytellers, keepers of the family history passed down through the generations.
Our society is at a crossroads. On one hand, ageism portrays the elderly as sad, isolated, senile, wrinkled, and unattractive. By contrast, more and more older adults are pursuing healthy eating habits, fitness programs, and activities that challenge the intellect. Perhaps as we redefine the characteristics of old age, we’ll stop being afraid of using and identifying with the word old.

As I’ve examined my own viewpoint, I’m realizing that it’s not about keeping up a youthful physical image. Instead, I’m pleased when people express appreciation of my wisdom as a writer. Far from being isolated, I am blessed with a circle of friends across age, race and gender. My family is close and loving, and when I’ve been injured, they’ve rushed to look after me.

I realize that I’m feeling vitally alive and appreciated and as such, I live in my own Blue Zone. I don’t have to be afraid to use the taboo word, I can embrace my old age.

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Aging, Attitudes about aging, Gratitude and Spirituality, Inspiration as we age, Turning 80 | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Testing – positive!

Susan

They say in time, everyone will have Covid. Grateful to be fully vaxxed and boostered. Grateful I have masked up and distanced for over two years. Wish everyone else did.

I imagine it was a tough policy decision unmasking the kids in school. It sure has raised the Covid incidence rate, especially in my family as we have no incidence of it before.

My granddaughter got it from school as her close classmates tested positive last week. Then everyone in the family got it but me. That is, until yesterday.

Fortunately, CVS has a Minute Clinic and the anti-viral prescription, Paxlovid, on hand. Not all pharmacies have this. Not all physicians are opened on weekends or even have on-call help these days.

Day two and I am starting my third dose tonight. It is a total of thirty pills, three in the morning, three at night for five days. The intense joint pain seems to be lessening along with my recent allergies. Prior to this, I recently had a few emergency procedures requiring surgery. So it has been two months of doc visits and now this. Now this!

I am grateful that I have a relatively mild case. Attributed to the vaccinations definitely.

One of the side effects of Paxlovid is blurred vision, a sense of being in the fog. Ditto on both. I am listening to a talk on the history and culture of Russia, with my eyes closed. No doubt, I will need to listen to it again because I can’t seem to stay awake long enough to grasp anything. (said laughing).

Please be careful out there!

Posted in 70candles, Health, Stories | Tagged , , | 10 Comments