Miriam, Age 81
Nine months after my 80th birthday, my “8” and “0” candles still sat on my bookcase. I couldn’t decide if I want to be reminded of this frightening milestone or if I should forget it and continue to see myself as young enough for new adventures. I knew my grey hair, weakening legs, wrinkled loose skin and tiring at 9pm required limits I had to accept.
Finally, before my 81st birthday, I stored the candles out of sight. Sure, reminders of my age are everywhere. They intrude when looking in the mirror, while walking up or down hills and in countless other ways. Aging sometimes becomes a positive, too. I appreciated when a college student offered to help lift my suitcase off the airport baggage claim carousel. I love when my granddaughter jiggles the skin on my hand and says with a smile, “I love touching your soft skin.” But I’m glad I stored the candles where they can’t remind me of my age.
Miriam, be proud of your years. Say them out loud! Embrace that you made it to age 81.
I sometimes wonder how I made it to 74 when I am still so young inside. The increasing physical challenges requiring procedures (four in ten months) become more like a tune-up. Grateful to still be operational.
It seems we all have to find that one thing, or maybe many that keep us feeling involved. Contributing.
I remember my mother in her late 70s (a geo-physicist) saying she no longer had a purpose. It was sad she limited herself when she was so much more than her physicality. It seems to take constant re-framing and connections with like minded folks and those who have much to teach us to fully enjoy our years.
Thank you so much for opening up this conversation we all need to have. Hugs.
Hi Miriam, I understand. My eighty-second birthday is next week and I’m making a party to celebrate! I hesitated this year but in the end I think it’s not the time to change habits and it’s a great time to invite all my friends that are still here. I’m writing a memoir about my life as an artist and about my work. I did wonder a bit if I should, but I do love to read books by other artists, so maybe someone will enjoy mine I hope. My work has been exhibited and, or collected by 33 museums in 12 different countries so someone might be interested. And I hope they might find some inspiration just as I enjoyed reading your story.
Sheila, I hope you write your story. I would love to read it!
Miriam, I am 74. A dear friend who is older than me told me the “golden years are not so golden.” I appreciated her honesty! Not sure why your post interested me so much and imagine you left much unsaid! I hope that you know that you are not alone! I did not feel my years until about the age of 70 and that was solely due to some medical reasons. Most days I feel young except during an arthritis flare or an AFIB episode. In my 50’s and 60’s once a week I visited an assisted living center in my neighborhood and interviewed residents. I wrote down their life stories! It was so very inspiring to hear all about their lives and adventures. I was amazed at the detail with which they remembered each event. I relished all of their positive thoughts. I had a list of questions and the last one concerned their thoughts about any advice or words of wisdom they would like to share. My interviews lasted for hours and often I had to return for the rest of their story! I would then organize my notes and another volunteer would type up the life story and place in a booklet for the resident and their families.
All I can say is to keep going! Make your plans and set some goals each day….life is NOT over until it’s over and most of us don’t know when that day is so there’s nothing to be gained by dwelling on the number of years we have lived. Try to be around some younger people. I found that interacting with younger women at an exercise group helped me to know that I was of worth to others…I was their inspiration and considered wise to some. Being appreciated in some small way is important, and I see that you have found the positives in your life.
I wrote a story once called The Face In The Mirror and recently updated it and it was accepted by Boomer Magazine. A young Silver Sneakers instructor told me recently she loved it and cried…well, I had hoped it would be funny. That’s another aspect of the aging process…retain, as much as possible, your sense of humor! You ARE young enough for new adventures. This is the link to the story:
https://www.boomermagazine.com/the-face-in-the-mirror/
Sherrill, you write beautifully. Your article in Boomer (I had never heard of this magazine before) was so easy to relate to.
How sad we were so self-critical. Why did we all accumulate so much stuff. I’ve purged just about everything now at soon to be 75.
I hope you write more.
Susan, thank you for the kind words. I tried to reply earlier but I don’t see my comment now! I do have other stories if you are interested. I will send one link and maybe more later. Rather late in life I was finally published. I’d found old stories and rejection slips in a closet many years ago and decided to re write some and certain editors took notice. I had some stories on Boomer Cafe but the website was finally closed and all stories sent in by Boomers no longer can be seen. I made copies of all of them for grandchildren! I have two posts on 70 Candles but other stories on Bullock Texas History Museum website, Grand Magazine, Texas Escapes, and Bridge of the gods Magazine in Oregon.
https://www.thestoryoftexas.com/discover/texas-story-project/browse-stories?search=elizondo
I’ve never been more content or more frightened of the future. How can both feelings co-exist?
Diana, I am sure with you on this. I’m more content with myself than ever. It is about time (said laughing). I worry about the increasing fascist movement in the US. The erosion of civil rights we worked so hard for.
I also see we are a bleep in time and try to put this mess in perspective.
For many years, I wanted to do a big birthday bash for my 75th birthday in five months. Now, I just want a family party. I guess I feel I have more than enough. And, that is a wonderful feeling.
Hi, I turn 83 next month and I also can’t figure out whether I should keep starting new adventures and moving forward with new goals or not. My vision is not that great and my energy and brain aren’t what they used to be either but the desire to try new courses and trips and to meet new people (while enjoying the old friends I still have left) is still strong. Just wonder when it’s time to sit back and savor my memories!
Pat, why can’t you do both? New goals, memories and taking it easy are all doable. Getting to a place in one’s life where we can enjoying being fully with ourselves is the ultimate gift.