Sherrill Pool Elizondo, Age 74
My husband and I moved to our vacation home 8 months ago after being in our home in Cypress, Texas for 42 years. Difficult physically, mentally, and emotionally! Possibly it would have been easier at a younger stage of life but we loved where we lived and my husband was still working. One son convinced us that we didn’t really need two homes anymore (OR a two story house) and needed to get rid of many of our belongings we accumulated in a 52 year marriage! We had a vacation home built on the Texas coast in 2014. For 7 years we would stay there between 4 days and 2-4 weeks. Often I’d come alone or with a cousin before husband’s retirement. Keeping up two homes is a daunting task. I kept in mind something a dear friend told me: “For much is given, much is required.” Our vacation home (now permanent residence) is in a small town where I vacationed for years with family growing up and where my husband and I would visit my parents in their 2nd home when our sons were young. They learned to fish here and we had many happy memories of time spent in this small coastal community. Where we moved was not completely a strange or new place but still I find myself trying to feel at home. I think I’ll always carry my old home in my heart. I googled something about not feeling at home after a move and found much written on the subject. Feelings I’ve been experiencing are not uncommon. On Psychology Today an article went into depth about feelings involved with a move and ways to get beyond sad or negative emotions. Moving does NOT always make you happier and the author used a phrase that gives a sense of the general meaning of the feelings and what needs to happen: “place attachment.”
I’ve only lived in a few places in my lifetime. My parents’ 2 homes, dorm in college, a small apartment when I married, our first starter home, and the home of special memories. We chose our lot in 1980 and our home was the first one on the street. Two sons were very young when we moved in and a third son was born while we lived there. There were no grocery stores, banks, nail salons, Starbucks, restaurants, or a jazzercise center nearby. There was little traffic and I could cross a main street without looking. Mainly deer roamed the area! My sons rode their bikes long distances in this forested area which I learned after they were much older…where was this stay at home Mom!? They remind me there was NOTHING there, no traffic, and one freeway hadn’t even been built! Now, restaurants, banks, grocery stores etc. are all in walking distance of our old home. More people have relocated there since the Pandemic and, of course, traffic has increased.
All of our sons moved back into our home between college years, jobs, and marriage. Our home was a refuge. When two sons and their families moved back to the area at different times from San Francisco and Seattle, they lived with us for several months before finding their own homes. When a hurricane caused flooding of one son’s home, we welcomed them to our home while their entire house was renovated. Growing up, all of their friends were welcome to our home and to this day my husband and I count them as our other sons. Memories of birthday parties, a family reunion, Christmas with family, good neighbors and more will always stay with me. Like a turtle, I carry that home with me!
In reading a recent post about decluttering on 70 Candles, I was reminded I had put off writing about our move…too difficult to put into words. It’s been a while since I have gone to the video of when our beautiful home was staged. I am making progress. When you don’t move for many years, you put off decluttering. I found it challenging and emotional. Just going through framed photographs and placing pictures in an archival box was bittersweet. Much of what we got rid of was overdue. My mother’s China that would eventually go to a grand daughter is now in containers for her when she is older. One grandson got some appliances etc. as he was starting college. Old books went to family or donated. Most furniture was given to family or donated to charity. The maid got some cleaning supplies…as I had all that in my vacation home. Clothes, shoes, purses, some pictures on the walls, old record albums and more…donated! I had a fully furnished home here with a beautiful old dining table…thankfully one son took the other beautiful dining table. One son took my husband’s desk. Only a few furniture items and lamps came with us. The rocking chair I rocked 3 sons in came as well! My husband has ONE box to go through and needs to decide on some of his old work suits and shirts. I still go through clothes and will give some items to one daughter in law or donate. Downsizing is tough! We no longer have my husband’s study, a fourth bedroom, formal living areas, or closet space we once had, but I don’t miss stairs or Houston traffic. There’s a couple of items I still can’t locate like a tape measure and a group of pictures that I used to carry in my wallet. I gave up on obsessing about where they could be!
I’m grateful for the help we received from family during the move. With a bad back, those who helped with packing and moving and helped put items away and got the family photos on the wall… the move would have been even more difficult without their help! I stay in contact with old friends and neighbors but I do miss them and hope they come for a visit. As far as working my way into the community at this stage of life…that’s another matter. I don’t want to pressure myself about volunteer work, as I volunteered for MANY years in my younger years. I miss my shopping conveniences and routines but trying to adjust. I’ve joined an exercise group but they are mainly seniors and I DO miss younger Jazzercise friends. For now, (I deserve this) I’ll take pride in what I do accomplish in attempts of getting my writing published and enjoy reading, as I am an avid reader. Along with some walks on the beach road, I’ll try to keep in mind that life is good! I sent an email to family and friends several months ago and said in the final paragraph some thoughts I would like to share:
Our home sold in 2 days! We even got more than asking price. On our final moving day I walked through all of the rooms upstairs and downstairs and looked out all of the windows…Had my cry and said my good bye. I read that a home one has lived in for a long time is just the vessel of memories…so true. We had many happy times with a large and growing family through the years. Today our youngest grandchild is 5 and started kindergarten. Our oldest grandchild started his first day of college. “Nana” and “Pops” have begun a new chapter of our life here in our home by Aransas Bay.
Thank you for always speaking from your heart. It always makes me reflect also on all the years and memories made in our house (home).
So many memories and years that have flown by until you realize that it really hadn’t flown at all. It is emblazoned in our hearts forever.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Thanks, Diane. Sometimes I wish that I could turn back time for certain special moments. Our oldest son turns 50 soon and still, when I see him, I think if the little boy who lived with us and his brothers in our Lakewood Forest home. Thanks for comment!
Your story brought back so many memories in nearly 57 years of marriage. Lots of changes. Thanks for the memories, Sherry. Great story.
Judy, thanks for the compliment. We’re still making memories even now aren’t we?! Hope my reply appears on website, as doing this on phone. Shows all comments & replies on my phone but not at my computer!
I enjoyed reading your post. We have lived in our current home for almost 40 years and hope to stay here as long as our health allows. We have a single story home with a pool, basketball court etc. Our large shed outside is filled with many items from our children and grandchildren. It was ideally supposed to be a work shop for my husband…Ha! We are blessed that all of our children and grandchildren live here in Florida and we get together often. We just celebrated Easter with 17 family members and it was wonderful. We attend many activities for all our grandchildren which keep us very busy. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Would love to take a vacation and visit you and many other family and friends. However, finding the time to get away is hard. There always seems to be so many activities on our list to attend that the time flies by. Please give our love to all your family. If you and Carlos ever have a chance to travel to Florida, please look us up. Love to All. Marlene and Carlos
Thank you, Marlene! What a day brightener! Know your home, like our old one, is a special place. If ours had been a one story or had a Master bedroom downstairs, we probably would have stayed. Take care.
Sherry, I am so glad you have gotten back to your writing. It’s always a delight to read your stories. As one of those neighbors you left behind, I would just like to say you are sorely missed! I know how hard it was on you to pare down before the move. It is one of the main things that is keeping me in my house. I’m not sure I would survive the upheaval of cleaning out years and years of memorabilia (and lots and lots of junk, lol). I miss the comfort of knowing I had a supportive friend so close, and our chats concerning all sorts of important things… And those of nothing much at all. But I am truly happy that you were able to get back to “your roots”. I know you looked forward to this day for quite a while. Enjoy the peace and quiet and clean fresh air. Thanks for sharing your story.
Shirley, thanks old neighbor for your kind comment! Miss you too! I’m doing this on my phone, as some of the comments are not appearing on my computer… technology!!
Am sure one day you will be able to get help from family with decluttering your own home! Better to do it sooner than later so family won’t be forced to make decisions when you’re not around! Sometimes it can give you great pleasure to give away items to family or charity while you are still living! It’s amazing what one can do without! Doing this in small steps is my best advice!
LETTING GO IS SO HARD!!! Letting go of special places, favorite things, traditions, long-honed routines, activities and friends – it all hurts!!! I moved from our beautiful home 27 years ago and not a day goes by when I don’t think of something wonderful that I miss. I recently realized that what I miss most is the time of life that was so busy and active – lots of people in the house, bustling about, comings and goings, the sense of a future filled with possibilities. I’m so incredibly grateful that I have all those memories from a magical time. And I hardly remember the sleepless nights and endless anxiety about getting it all done!
Yes, letting go is hard! Some of those memories are so special because we were so much younger when we lived in our first homes. Thanks for commenting, Evelyn.
I, too, remember the move from our starter home where we brought each of our four children home from the hospital. We were in that 1400+ sq ft home for almost 16 years. Quite the “starter”! We bumped up another 2000 sq ft, but I missed our precious, little home so much. It took a year for this home to begin to feel like ours. After 19 years here, it’s time to downsize. We are getting ready to list the house in a couple of weeks. I now feel about this home like I did about our first home. So many memories within these walls! It will be hard to leave, but I am excited about our next adventure. A little smaller home and a little bit more land. 🙂
So good to hear from you, Michelle!! People’s first homes are always so special even if you are in that home a short while. For me, I brought home two baby sons to our first home. I remember the yard, the sandbox, the roses, and neighbors… such pride we felt to be in our first home!
Good luck in your new life in your possibly last home with your own land! Excited for you!!
You have such an eloquent way with words. I felt your emotion with every line read. I often wondered how I would cope with moving out of our home and downsizing. Thanks for sharing
Thanks so much for the comment, Jennifer! I appreciate it. I never thought I would move from that home… ever! All I can say really positive about moving is that one is almost forced to go through all belongings and make decisions about what to donate or keep . It’s not an easy job!
Thank you for an insightful message Sherry
I hope it was insightful! It was just about my own experience. Everyone is different! Thanks for comment.
Sherry, so much of this rang true although my story differs in many ways from yours. It’s the feelings that are similar, even though the circumstances are different.
Cathy, I am glad you could relate to the post! Thanks for reading it.
I will be brief. I lived with my husband in WPB FL we worked together 20 years in real estate. During the past year my husband suffered from esphogeal cancer.
I became the full time caretaker. We both no longer could work. We lost our jobs, I lost my house no money coming in. I lost my dog. I lost my car my friends etc.
I moved into a smaller home after he passed 90 days ago in a place that is so different from me it is hard to cope. My son helped me move and buy a house in 30 days, sort of but no exactly by him. I sold my lovely home, my husband died during mid move 2 weeks before move in day. I have made 2 good friends which I am so grateful for. The new house is lovely but quite different from where I used to live. My therapist advises that she is so surprised that I did it. I am not a strong person, I have no dog, my car in now a 2009 Saab 14 miles to the gallon.
I wish to say that if I did it anyone can, but no doubt about it, it is very hard.
Thanks for listening
Patricia, your remarks were heartfelt. It’s good that you can write about your experiences in life, as it is therapeutic. Best of luck in your new home.
Patty,
Our condolences on the loss of your husband. You’ve been a contributor to this blog for so long, we feel we know you. This has certainly been a stressful time. We wish you well in your new setting and are glad to hear you’ve already made two new friends.
May this chapter be a good one for you.
Jane and Ellen
Thank you for providing your perspective on downsizing and moving away from your home after 42 years. I am glad that I had the opportunity to help you with window coverings at your now permanent home.
Charlene, Thank you for your comment! My window coverings are still in perfect condition. You did a great job. Come see for yourself some time!
Thank you for sharing a part of your journey.
Letting go letting go letting go…Physically, mentally and gathering closer to my faith in acceptance at 79…emotional awareness friends and gratitude…it’s confusing at times.
I feel connection with your journey sharing…we are not alone ❤️ ♥️
Thank you, Linda. Letting go and acceptance is difficult at any age but, perhaps, more so when we are older.
Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful life and journey you have already had, and now a new chapter along your journey. So poignant, full of love and sweetness. You have touched so many lives in your journey and made so many memories for others that they will reflect on for the rest of their lives.
Thank you, Hazel! The move was much more difficult than I expected it to be, but it was time to do so.