Reclaiming elderhood

Posted on May 17, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Lisbet,  Age 69
I’m thrilled to know about your blog!
I work in a part-time position as Development Director/Community Liaison for www.NeighborsWhoCare.net, a small nonprofit who cares for impoverished elders who still live at home but are isolated, lonely and often depressed. They have fallen through the cracks for social services. That’s how I came upon this blog.

Trained in opera, theatre and dance, I’m a performance artist, writer, teacher of sacred circle dance, practitioner of Zen Shiatsu and Heart Mind Integration Healing (ww.HMIHealing.com), Lover of Life.

Born to a family of wizards, my grandfather was an “American illustrator” who painted glorious canvasses for Saturday Evening Post, among others. My brother was a classical dancer. My dad a hardware salesman. My Mom, now 97 with early stage Alzheimer’s and a live-in caregiver, a Mom.

My son is a 27-year-old Indigo, becoming a Crystal. He has his own wisdom, but he is not yet an elder. I told him early on that he was from a family of wizards; that the muggles would not understand his passionate, outside-the-box nature. He graduates from college in 2 days. He’s jittery, excited, contemplative, wise.

It has long been my contention that we “older people” should be called “Elders,” as in “tribal” or “of the church,” people with experience, knowledge, wisdom, love and compassion to share. “If you call me elderly, I’ll take away your library card!” is my favorite line for making the point.

I feel we need to change the paradigm of eldership.
Stephen Jenkinson does too. He has written “Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul” for death-phobic North America. He runs his Orphan Wisdom School with his wife. They are Canadians.
(www.orphanwisdom.com/shop/die-wise/).

And I will be attending his upcoming 4-day workshop:
“OLD TIME: Learning Elderhood” ~ Rowe Camp & Conference Center
June 9 @ 6:00 pm – June 12 @ 12:00 pm
The Rowe Center, 22 Kings Hwy, Rowe, MA 01367 United States
“Getting older is inevitable. Getting to be an elder is not.”

It’s time we reclaimed elderhood!! Yes, I’m feeling aches and like the tin man, want some oil for my joints. Yes, I gained 8.4 pounds on a 10-day spiritual Ireland tour led by a magnificent spiritual elder who’s spry and was jumping over fences to lead us past cow pastures to sacred Druid sites.
Yes, I’m having the best physical pleasure I have ever had in my life.
Yes, yes, yes! I “flourish” and see the glass as half full. Oh yes, I am “living peace into being” as Thich Nhat Hanh, celebrity Vietnamese Buddhist monk who just suffered a brain aneurism exhorts us to do, through “engaged Buddhism.” We have so much to give and experience and live.

And as Barbara Marx Hubbard says, because of the planetary shift in 2012 we are evolving as a human race. I feel so very blessed to be alive at this moment in time!

Blessed be,
Lisbet

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Family matters, Goals ahead, Gratitude and Spirituality, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A change of heart

Posted on May 14, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Anonymous,  Age 70
I am almost 71, but sadly, can’t say the number out loud. My story might seem to be a sad one, having lost my mother to cancer when she was only 45 and I was 16. My parents were divorced and my step mother wouldn’t take me in so I finished high living with a good friends family. Less than a loving real family, but I went on to college two years later. Didn’t graduate but met a lovely guy who wanted to marry me, so of course I said yes! Everything was good for long enough two have two beautiful boys, two years apart. When they were five and three I was diagnosed with MS and my world started unraveling. I was working in Human Resources for four years when I realized my marriage was not giving me enough love and affection so I fell head over heels in love with a younger co-worker. Of course with no family guidance I asked my very stable but unaffectionate husband for a divorce out of left field. With my family fractured I continued to date my young affectionate boyfriend for three fun years while sharing custody with my ex husband.

Fast forward to being married for 31 years to the younger less stable man who has had affairs, lost almost every job, but for some reason I stay with. I never thought I would live to be 70 which I think factored into all my immature decisions. Now my two sons are 43 and 41. They both became lawyers, got married to sweet southern girls and have given two grandchildren. A boy and a girl from each.

This is where my story gets so happy. I love my grandchildren beyond belief. They have brought me the family I never had and a real reason to live as long as possible. Because of my MS I do not exercise like I should and stay with a husband who really doesn’t deserve me. But yet I can honestly say I am a happier than ever, nicer to everyone than ever and wiser than ever. If I could go back 35 years to rewrite my life, I’m not sure I would. So come on 71, 72, and beyond. It’s a wonderful age!

Posted in 70 from other perspectives: looking forward and looking back, 70candles, Family matters, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Share your story | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Personal growth and transformation

Posted on May 8, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Mary Lou,  Age 74

Hi Jane and Ellen,

Since I turned 70 there has been a lot of personal growth and tranformation in my life. Up until the age of 70 I was working part-time in an exciting environment as a sales associate at Monticello, Home of Thomas Jefferson. I had retired here from the Metropolitan area in 2006 and wanted to continue working on a part-time basis. I’ve had good health and it seemed that I had lots of good years ahead.
Just as I was about to turn 70, my youngest son invited me to spend Christmas in Arabia with his family as they had moved to the UAE with the Teach Away Program. I jumped at the chance for a trip of my lifetime. At the time I was beginning to have mobility problems caused by back pain and the orthopedist gave me a cortizone injection so I could fully enjoy the experience. It was an amazing trip!

When I returned home the pain progressed to needing back surgery. The problem wasn’t solved with just the back surgery so I had to go back for a hip replacement in early 2014.

These two surgeries served as a wake-up call that made me realize that life is short and there are no guarantees. Time to do the things I’ve always wanted to try. Another son and his wife traveled with me to Ireland for the most amazing trip back to my heritage land. I had begun art journaling while recovering from the two surgeries and created a watercolor journal of my experiences there. I learned, in my seventies, that I’m a pretty good artist! Another Grandma Moses!!

Another joy and passion I’ve had was to write. There’s was little time to fit writing in when I was raising my family and working a full-time job later in life. It was now or never so I started seriously tackling my story/memoir which I had begun back in the 90’s. I’ve also started a blog and am building a wonderful supportive blogging community (70Candles included). My blog can be reached through www.meinthemiddlewrites.com

Turning 70 has filled me with a zest for life and a desire to experience as much as I can within the ability that I’m able to. I walk a mile a day at least 3 to 4 times a week and try to stay active and connected to my community. I’m volunteering with the local board of aging doing data-entry for the insurance counseling program and also with the local hospital in the gift shop. In many ways I feel free to pursue whatever makes me happy. We’ve spent our lives doing for others and building up some stability and security in our lives. Now it’s time to coast and enjoy the view.

Thanks for this great blog as a vehicle to share a bit of our stories.

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Family matters, Goals ahead, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Share your story, Traveling, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My comments about coping in the 70’s

Posted on May 8, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Rosanne,  Age 74

Although I think of myself as a positive-minded woman! I must admit, now that I am well into my 70’s (74-this past month) it’s getting much more difficult to stay positive at all times. Although I am in excellent health, walking at least 35 minutes 4-5 times per week and am told I do NOT look my age, there are tough times trying to deal with this aging process. I know younger people want to be helpful to “we the elderly” but it’s painfully difficult when we get that pathetic look from them (interpretation—you poor old lady) when reaching for something at the grocery store,etc. I have mixed emotions…thankful for the concern, but indignant because I am still capable of doing most things for myself.

I know age is all in the mind and although I think of myself as much younger than my actual/physical age, the reality is………………..once one passes that magical age of 70 it’s problematic not only for the aging person, but for the people around them who care deeply for them. Seeing us age, almost before their eyes is FULL of emotions that we rarely touch upon. I am blessed beyond words in so many ways and am much more fortunate than many people much younger than I am….however, this aging process is NOT for sissies or the faint of heart.

If I can help in anyway, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Most Sincerely,
Rosanne B. Odum

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I LOVE aging!

Posted on April 28, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Mary,  Age 70

My name is Mary, almost 71 at summer’s end and am a California (Santa Monica) transplant to Boston since 2009. I’m grateful for many, many things but one in particular is having been brought up in CA with the culture of healthy living, exercise, nutrition, self-development and all that goes with “the beautiful” people. Folks, it’s one big Hollywood but if one chooses to concentrate (as I did) on the positive of the “La-La Land” culture (while keeping your head on your shoulders and staying grounded) this mind set pays of huge DIVIDENDS – as in my case.

Like most of my sisters out there, I have had my share of challenges both professionally and personally but like a horse with blinders on, I have always had that focus and confidence that sports coupled with education gives a woman: power, strength and independence. Above all, a POSITIVE attitude about everything and SELF love that will certainly come in handy in droves during our wonderful twilight years.

I LOVE aging; love it. And, once I accepted the fact that, unlike my girlfriends in CA who can afford at our age to still look fab like Jane Fonda, I’m doing it the old fashioned way and still look damn good: youthful, thin, athletic and well groomed to the best of my ability. I work at it: I love myself.

I have found that ATTITUDE plays a major role in ageing and if we focus on the negative and challenging side of it (health issues) we’ll stay stuck. Like classic cars, our body parts have begun to wear out so we deal with them the best we can – and move on. We do our best; that’s all we can do. But what we put in our head and hearts, the influences in our lives (toxic people), what we read, watch or listen to has EVERYTHING to do with it. This is my secret:

1) Count your blessings; 2) Exercise 3) Eat healthfully or pay the consequences 4) Concentrate on the GOOD in your life; 5) Seek out people who think like you and stay away from downers 6) READ all the great stuff on ageing and spiritualism – not necessarily religion

Above all, if depression plagues you, get help. Moving your body, for starters, will get those endorphins going but if you need motivation, please seek it. It’s imperative we make the most of every moment and our attitude, focus and commitment to OURSELVES is our only solution. Above all, LOVE yourself and don’t be a victim; just do your best because that’s what you are – the BEST!

Posted in 70candles, Goals ahead, Gratitude and Spirituality, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Share your story | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

80 is the new 80

Posted on April 28, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Lois Cronholm,  Age 85

80 is the new 80. While anyone reading this title is likely to know why I am writing this tome, I ask your indulgence to read on. There are some half dozen expressions that either bore or annoy me. “How are you” when they really would not want to know. Or “You look wonderful” which translates into “For her age.” But the two worst are: “70 is the new 50” and “Age is only in the head.” 80 is not the new 60. 80 is what comes after 79 and it is on its way to 81. Age may be in the head, but as an uninvited invader that removes fond memories; age is in the arthritic encroachments into what were agile muscles and bones.
If luck follows you into this decade you will get there with your spouse. But you will not be planning your next trek up Mt. Everest together, or washing sand off your back from that great lay on a dark beach. One of you is or soon will be a caregiver and one a caretaker. You will find this is more challenging than scaling mountains, less romantic than a swirl in the sand. Once I was a role model for young women aspiring to the kinds of professional success I enjoyed; now I am a role model for how to be a successfully formerly successful old lady. Once those boots were made for stomping; now they are in that Good Will bag before that fall which is the scourge of old people.
‘Tis true: old age is not for the timid. I am old and not timid. How old? As of this writing, closer to 86 than 85. While I am a non-timid happy old lady. I loathe people who pronounce the key to their happiness a universal principle. So I won’t do that, never have. But I will drop the principle of privacy as all of us who write our stories must (or should) to give you one of the endless streams of mottos that punctuate my tale. To thrive, not just survive old age, fight but don’t deny. (Hah, I slipped two homilies into that one short sentence — I, about whom it is said “It takes her a paragraph just to say hello”, with a painful reminder it is my own adored son who thus portrays his mom.)
So my tale is about how I stumbled into readiness for the fight, how I enthusiastically fight now that the time has come, how I recognize time to deny, and how I became ridiculously satisfied even in denial. If it fits wear it. If it doesn’t it will be a good target to criticize; either result is my gift to you.

Posted in 70 from other perspectives: looking forward and looking back, 70candles, Ageism anecdotes, Caretaking, Family matters, Goals ahead, HUMOR, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Read Stories, Share your story, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

questions that come after 70

Posted on April 27, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Beverly Schultz,  Age 72

Am enjoying your blog. At about age 65, I joined with about 9 women from The Boston Club [all Presidents or VPs of companies in and around Boston] and we have met about once a month for the last 7 years or so. We’ve struggled with so many things that we share as part of what we call the Third Age Group.

I retired from a position as Senior Vice President of Engineering at a company that was about to be bought by GE. I loved technology, and would not have retired at that time if my husband wasn’t ready to retire and travel. I thought we should retire at the same time, and we have, and for over 10 years we’ve just taken such advantage of life! My husband had a quadruple bypass at age 55, and so that was his motivation to “retire early”.

Women over 70 who have had responsible positions and exacting careers have a hard time retiring. We worked HARD to get where we were. We thrived on the challenges and we were seen as successful and competent and responsible. When I quit my job my biggest regret was losing my administrative assistant. She had made my plane reservations and travel plans, handled every minuscule job that I needed done so I could concentrate on the work I was hired to do. I managed over 300 engineers for probably 20 years. Retiring to play golf or cook or teach English to those who need help or take up new hobbies does NOT feel good to someone who worked so hard to be a leader in industry.

So we’re like other retirees, we need time with our grandchildren, and our spouses, and we want companionship and fun, but we also don’t want to waste this time of retirement. With my husband, travel was a highlight over the past 10 years, and making our own explorations….like taking 3 months off and driving to Alaska!….and we work to be with interesting people. We are always interested in what others are doing in their retirement.

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Crossing the finish line

Posted on April 27, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Margie Smith,   Age 75

Last June, two days before my 75th birthday, I did a 5K on the Detroit River Walk. I am not an athlete. I never won a medal for a physical feat of any ilk. I play golf and pickleball, but I’m not intuitively competitive.

Nevertheless, I joined seven friends for a 5K/10K walk/run in downtown Detroit. The event was sponsored by Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan as a fundraiser for The Detroit Riverfront Conservancy. The Detroit River Walk is a groomed trail that meanders along the Detroit River from the Ambassador Bridge to Belle Isle.

It was what a friend used to call “a bluebird morning:” sunny; bright blue sky; temperature in the high 60s; light breeze; spring flowers and trees in bloom. We are all senior citizens. A 5K is only 3.1 miles. I figured I probably walk three miles while shopping at Costco or volunteering at the DIA. This would be a piece of cake.

We mingled with a convivial bunch of men and women of all ages, races, sizes and abilities. The route began beside the river, then meandered around some side streets and finished back on the riverfront in Rivard Plaza.

We picked up our T shirts and numbered badges. Imbedded in each badge was an electronic code to record the exact time we crossed the start and finish lines as well as our names and ages. It was comforting to know that in the event of my collapse and/or death, someone would be able to identify my body.

Runners started at 9 a.m. Walkers at 9:20. Five of our group maneuvered to the front of pack, but my friend and I were in the middle of the crowd. There were several hundred people ahead of us; hundreds behind us.

We admired the sunshine glinting off the rippled waters of the Detroit River. We watched the passing freighters, guessing what their cargos might be. We noted the landscaped areas, the conveniently placed benches, the flower beds, the budding trees, the screeching seagulls, the small wooden boxes on platforms where people could borrow a book on the honor system or leave a book for someone else. We talked. At the water stations, we stopped and sipped and thanked the volunteers. We offered to take pictures of other groups with their cell phones.

As we sauntered past the 4K marker, I looked over my shoulder. Where was that crowd of people who were behind us at the start? Duh. I realized this was a RACE. For most of the participants, it was more than a pleasant morning walk. As my friend and I – and the two women a few feet behind us — neared the finish line we joked about our slowness, but linked arms as we crossed so nobody would be tagged “last.”

Those embedded electronic things are extremely accurate, however. The statistics for the run and the walk arrived by email a few days later.  I was last. Dead Last. My friend, second last.

However, according to the email, I was the second oldest woman to finish the walk. One woman was in the “75 and up” age group. I looked for her name in the race statistics.

She beat me by about five minutes.

This appeared on my blog, The Newfangled Gramma, and in a local magazine, Detroit River Living. My blog can be found at margiereinssmith.weebly.com

Posted in Goals ahead, HUMOR, Our bodies, our health, Share your story, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What is 70?

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Blog Mavens

 

Diana,  Age 71

I’m the same person I was at ten only a bit slower of foot and intellect. My mind doesn’t feel seventy, but then it didn’t feel ten. I still have dreams and ambitions, fears and regrets.

I’m still the same person, perhaps experience and past mistakes have given me a little wisdom, but I just feel like me. Not an old lady. Just Me.

I still like to travel, but those long flights are a downer. I’m trading them in for city stays with afternoon rests. I enjoy art and music, reading, gardening and cooking as much as ever, and with the help of cataract surgery and glasses I see quite well. My hearing’s compromised a bit with mild tinnitus and age related hearing loss, but my major hearing problem probably isn’t hearing related at all. I have trouble with comprehension when people talk fast. That’s probably more a brain function. Whatever, it’s my new reality, along with the need to pace my activities since my stamina wanes. I don’t want to define myself in terms of my health, but my health seems intent on intruding on who I am.

My husband and I still handle all our own finances, but now instead of worrying about job loss, we worry about our pension plan being defunded, the effect of future inflation on our income and savings, and which will last longer – our money or us. We’ve written wills and dealt all the other elder care legal issues . And we’re agreed that we’ll never make a major decision without talking it over with both our children. We do all our banking online, and as we age will eventually set up automatic bill pay. Our next big decision is probably deciding when we move into an apartment. So far there’s nothing in our community that we like, so we’re giving ourselves more time.

Of course I have health issues. And far less stamina than I had when younger. So I garden for shorter intervals early in the day since I can no longer take the heat. Twice a week I lift weights at the local YMCA. I do Yoga and ride the exercise bike twice a week and walk for an hour each day. But, nevertheless, I understand that while I’m buying flexibility and strength, I’m not delaying my eventual death. I’m just trying to make this part of my life as enjoyable as possible.

My husband and I have handed over some of our responsibilities to others: we have a handyman, bi-weekly cleaning service, lawn service….the list will only grow longer. I call them all my ‘Easy Button’ and enjoy my free time.

I’m living proof that all grandmotherly-looking women aren’t necessarily patient and gentle, but I do my best to fake it. I come closest to losing my cool when patronized. Please don’t reassure me that I shouldn’t be ‘afraid’ of the buttons on my washing machine and don’t be ‘impressed’ that I use the calendar on my cell phone. I’m old, not helpless. Please don’t remind me that someday I might be.

What’s hardest for me? I miss those I love who are no longer here. I miss the involvement of work and the friends from my past who are no longer part of my life. I’m lonely for those long laughing lunches with other women and summer vacation with my small children. Hardest of all is the sense of helplessness. I’m getting old and frail, I know that I’m not as sharp as I once was, and the economy and my health will do what they do. I never could control the forces that govern my life. I still can’t. So I try to focus on today and accept that the world will spin along without me.

Yet these are among the best years of my life. I have the time to appreciate that I have a good marriage and that my children grew up to be nice people. I can do what interests me and ignore a lot that doesn’t. I can take the time to smile at the checkout girl at the market and thank those who help me. I can glory in the fact that my daughter and daughter-in-law can hold the positions of authority that were denied me (even if I join their grumble at pay inequality). I have time to savor the moment and the knowledge of how fleeting that moment is.

I know that health issues will eventually create stress and my life will be far less smooth, and that for most people their last few years are difficult. But I’ll face that when it comes and make the best of things that I can. For my major job in old age is to prove to my children (and myself) that if one focuses on the quality of a well-lived life it is indeed worth living.
Who am I? Actually I turned 71 on Sunday. I’m a Caucasian Southerner born in New Orleans and living in Knoxville. I taught English composition and worked as a GSUSA director. I have a husband and two adult children, two grandchildren, and a good, if quiet, life.

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Ageism anecdotes, Family matters, Finances, Goals ahead, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

How I live a healthy life

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Blog Mavens

Karen,  Age 75

I’m not sure what the motivating factor was but somewhere in my early 20’s I decided that I would learn how to take care of myself physically and emotionally. And so began a life time of learning. I have a PhD in Information Science and I specialized in computers in medicine in my professional career. When I discovered the rather fraudulent (i.e. ‘adjusted’) data used by allopathic medicine (especially cancer data), I began to do research in alternative medicine and became a convert. And so I took (and continue to take) worthwhile supplements and had a genomic profile done so I could make sure that the supplements I was taking supported those areas in which I was less than perfect. I had to put up with a fair amount of ridicule over the years for taking care of myself but now that I am aged, friends/family ask me for the ‘secret’ that has allowed me to live a healthy life. I take no medications, am very phy sically active (I walk 2-4 miles every day and go on hiking vacations where I hike 10-15 miles a day) and have no health problems. I will die of something of course – my aim was not to prolong my life, but to ensure that I had quality of life. I wish there was a way to reach young people about the importance of taking care of themselves but I have given up – each person seeks and follows their own path. I live my life trying not to judge and follow the precept: be kind, everyone is fighting a hard battle.

Posted in 70candles, Our bodies, our health, Traveling | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments