Sharing a dilemma

Posted on August 22, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Patti,  Age 71

This is the first time I’ve ever written into anything! LOL! I found this website this morning and knew I could share my dilemma and get others insight….so here goes

Three years ago I sold my sweet little house in NC and bought a house in MS. I did this so my daughter could be near her son. I had lived in NC for 25 years and had many great girlfriends with lots to do and fun times. I have not adjusted well to this life in MS and long for my NC. Last year I bought a condo back in NC near my old house. I found I don’t do condo living well….I must have dirt in which to play. Even though the condo was near my old neighborhood it just didn’t work. I sold it and moved back to MS where I still owned a home where my daughter and her son were living so here I am back where I don’t want to be!

My daughter is in a serious relationship and her son just started college. I have relatives living two hours away, but I don’t see them any more than I did when I lived in NC. I’ve always been the one to travel for visits. I don’t feel I can sell this house in MS as long as my daughter needs a place to live so that means my funds are small for purchasing another house in NC…but doable. I could also purchase a small house here in MS, but I’m still stuck in MS if I do that.

I truly want to go back to my friends and NC, but is that the right thing to do at my age? I am very healthy and active and I would like to find peace and happiness.                     Any thoughts out there?

Posted in 70candles, Family matters, Looking ahead, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , | 26 Comments

What book has mattered most to you?

Posted on August 15, 2017 by Blog Mavens

What book has mattered most to you?

An intriguing question for those who have read throughout their lives. My PageTurners book group recently read The Book That Matters Most by Ann Hood. It’s about…well a book group that distributes a year of reading to each of twelve members. Each must choose the book most important to them, explain why and lead that month’s discussion.

The best part of our PageTurners conversation centered on our own personal choices. The books cited by the assembled women were very varied, and through each heartfelt description, we learned a lot about each other.

I thought long and hard about this assignment, discovering that different books stood out depending on my life’s stages and circumstances. My mind resurrected images of myself in contexts of my youth, adolescence, college days and through my adult life. People I read with, read for, and read to came to mind. Finally I settled on two to discuss.

The first was The Bobbsey Twins…yes my first childhood chapter book. It was the winter of 1948, I was 71/2. It arrived as a surprise last minute gift from my dad, who handed it to me as I sat buckled into my airplane window seat. As I visualize that moment, I recall I was wearing a blue and white checked suit…(we dressed well for travel in those days). He briefly boarded the Eastern Airlines plane about to fly me off to Florida with my mom, then quickly disappeared as the hatch closed behind him. I spent the entire flight immersed in and enchanted by the world of the twins, Nan and Bert, Flossie and Freddie. This book launched my self-propelled reading career. I read right through Laura Lee Hope’s Bobbsey Twins series and then moved on to Nancy Drew.

As I got older, my dad would strategically bring large hard cover, beautifully illustrated classics to me from our treasured – rather antique and rickety – St. Agnes Branch library on Amsterdam Avenue. I remember sitting propped in my sick bed absorbed in Treasure Island, Around the World in Eighty Days, Don Quixote, and more. How much I now appreciate his low key encouragement.

The second book that rose to the top of the book stack of my life was A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I was twelve, close to the age of the protagonist, Francie Nolan, and living in New York City. I remember being shocked and frightened by her stalker, and inspired by her choice of a hat pin to protect herself from pinches and gropes in the city subways. The emotional impact of the story has stayed with me, but I couldn’t recall more details of the narrative…so I recently reread it.

What intrigued me this time was the historical context. Now considered an American classic, this coming of age story chronicles the lives of a poor and struggling extended family in the early 1900’s, in Williamsburg Brooklyn. It was the very context in which my dad lived as a child. He, the youngest of six children, worked as a boy in his father’s corner grocery store. As I read, I caught a glimpse of his neighborhood, and his neighbors and the spirit of those times. It was again a memorable read, but in a very different way.

Books remain part of my life, comforting, intriguing, enlightening, and entertaining; wonderful escapes to other times and other lives. My favorite of this year, A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.

I’ve discovered that this question, about one’s favorite book, is a terrific conversation starter. Those asked immediately pause to review the life-long landscape of their readings. Some ask for more time to decide. There’s so much to reflect on – and to talk about.

What books have meant the most to you?

I hope you’ll share your choices and recommendations with our 70Candles! family.

Jane

Posted in Read Stories, Stories, What we're reading | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Such is life

Posted on July 24, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Elaine,  Age 70

Well I am wondering how to live under the pressure that 70 is the new 60! Really….Tell both of my arthritic knees that. I remember my grandmother holding onto everything as she walked and I as a little girl said to myself, no matter how much I hurt I won’t walk like that! Wrong! But I go to the senior center 5 times a week and lift a few weights and pedal a sit down bike and get to feel pretty good, except when it rains.

I do acrylic painting, nothing great but have fun! I wrote a short story and some poetry. Lately I worry about the legacy to my grandsons…everyone is so busy I am left behind, the last to come up, I can’t compete with the other 2 grandmas.

Oh well such is life….my husband is great, now after 46 years….we always say life is good as the saying goes. I color my hair and listen to the newest and oldest music on the radio and sing along!!!

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Grandparenting, Our bodies, our health | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Am I insane for taking all this on, or should I just keep on trucking?

Posted on July 11, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Noel,  Age 70

I must be in complete denial. I am 70, will be 71 in December. I have broken my femur, two wrists, a pelvic fracture 11 years ago, and breast cancer when I was 57.

This week, I will graduate with a masters degree in Mental Health Counseling and I expect to work part time as a therapist until I am 80. I am single, was married briefly in my thirties(no children) and started my own business when I was 49. Fortunately, I did well so I have been able to put aside some money (not a fortune) but enough to see me through until my demise. I am estranged from the only family I have, two sisters, but I do have friends. I own a horse, who is boarded 7 minutes from my house and I anticipate riding again when I return from moving out of a recently sold house (lost money on it) upstate New York.

Recently, I have become a little frightened. I look much younger than my years, but my accidents coupled with aging skin, has weakened my fortitude. I love Jane Fonda’s talk on Ted that we are not going to sink into decrepitude but I am beginning to feel like I am on shaky ground and that maybe I should move in to a one bedroom retirement community and scale back big time.

Am I insane for taking all this on, or should I just keep on trucking? Would love to hear from similar type a ladies.

Posted in 70candles, Finances, Looking ahead, Older women connecting, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Feeling lonely and struggling with ageism

Posted on July 3, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Diane,  Age 71

Thank you, Jane and Ellen for allowing me to share.

First of all, my heart goes out to Lois (“My 70’s Story”) for what she was faced with and for her courage in dealing with it.

I feel that I identify with Ronne in England. Even though – thank God – I’m healthy, I, too, have literally daily unbidden thoughts of my own mortality. I don’t feel my age and am reminded of the saying, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” Honestly, I’d be in my mid 40s.

Since my husband and I moved to our current home ten years ago, I have found it quite impossible to generate any “genuine” friendships in spite of being involved in volunteer work for over seven years. Yes, I’ve developed acquaintanceships but have not formed any bonds (even among 70 somethings!) that I could call friendships. Are my standards simply too high? I hope not. I honestly feel that I have put genuine effort into the process with no results. I get a lot of, “Hey, let’s meet for coffee. I’ll call you.” No calls are received. And, when I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, everyone seems to be so “slammed.” I believe that I am a pleasant, interesting woman, and when I read or hear about other women’s “girlfriends,” (think Susan Branch, for example) I wonder, pitifully, how one acquires them. I joke to myself that Karma is biting me for sins committed in a previous life.

When I decided to join a book club 10 miles from where I live, I discovered that there is a “cutoff” age of 68! Apparently, even being 69, let alone 71, is “too” old. Are we septuagenarians offending the sensibilities of younger people?

I and many in my age group that I have known over the years had such respect for people in my parents’ generation. I was always interested in what they had to say and what their life experiences were. The fact that they were older than I made no difference to me. I don’t know about anyone else out there, but for the most part I don’t feel this is the case anymore. As I have previously mentioned, once you’re of a certain age, you’re simply invisible. I feel such a sense of loneliness. My husband loves me dearly, but we share no common interests (it’s not for lack of trying). He has his “guy” friendships to occupy much of his time.

All right then, enough of these depressing thoughts. I should pick up my needlework (challenging, not even close to Home Sweet Home) and my books (my “real” friends) and get on with it. Sigh. I don’t mean for this to be a complaint fest. Am I one of the few who feel this way?

Thank you again for the opportunity to pour it all out.

 

Posted in 70candles, Ageism anecdotes, Networking, Older women connecting, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , | 12 Comments

I miss my old house

Posted on June 18, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Anonymous,  Age 70

Okay I wrote in this blog about living in an extremely rural Area in Montana and finally sold our home and land. Excited about change after 17 years of no friends and the loneliness over came me. I’ve been here since Sept of 2016. I’m turned 70. Medical issues surfaced not serious

We’ve come to the conclusion this house is very small. It needed at least $35,000 in upgrades. Realized the traffic is horrible in this small residential area. Still no friends, …oh they wave, say hello. The yard turned out to be a huge challenge $$$$$$. My location is in the center of the city. We’ve gone out to eat several times.

I miss my old house; it was finished, the yard was mature. And location was a bit quieter. I wished we could have moved our house in to closer land. Yes I know, reality showed me a big fat No.

I feel down, I feel letdown. My husband who is older does not like to go to many things going on in the area. Did I mention we have 3 older ranch dogs and 2 smaller dogs? Can’t leave the house for too long, maybe 3 hours…the last 2 months medical issues surfaced…a ganglion cyst on my right…hand surgery was more intense. Dr found it was wrapped around a tenden in my thumb and a joint in my thumb. It’s been 8 weeks of not being able to drive very far, clean my little house, no Quilting, no decorative painting. Lifting of a full glass of water is not on the list. Plus issues in my neck from an old injury.

All this does not change the issue of not feeling home. My husband built up a small garden for salads. Yah I can’t cut anything I’m right handed. I read and listen to my realaxing music from Pandora.

Well I’m signing off now. I’m so grateful for this blog. After reading some of the stories I know I ‘m not the only one going through difficult Emotional times. God Bless you.

 

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Family matters, Men aging, Our bodies, our health, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My life’s purpose became clear

Posted on June 9, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Barbara,  Age 70

I retired 2 ½ years ago and recently turned 70. I have always looked for meaning in my life, and found it in my work. But it’s been a struggle finding day-to-day purpose in retirement. I love the freedom that retirement offers – sleeping late, exercising as much as I like, reading a book in the afternoon, visiting friends without restraints on my time, but it’s not been enough. I don’t volunteer well, like other people I know. And I don’t have any particular hobbies. My son lives in China and doesn’t have any children as yet. I pondered  what to do with my time for a while, then about six months ago the purpose of my retirement came clear. They say “you get what you wish for.” Well suddenly every minute in my life was purposeful, and I was busier than ever before.

In November 2016, my husband and I were out bicycle riding in the retirement community in which we own a vacation home. There was a small hill just three blocks from our home. My husband whizzed past me and sped down the hill in order to pick up momentum for the uphill climb. At the bottom of the hill something happened. I looked up in time to see him tumble over the handle bars, bouncing head first on the concrete road. He was not wearing a helmet. I knew in a split second that my life had changed forever.

Upon arriving by ambulance to a local trauma center, he was diagnosed with traumatic brain injury with a poor prognosis. In that moment, my life’s purpose became clear. I vowed to do everything in my power to see him through this tragedy, no matter the outcome.

My husband spent eight weeks in three different hospitals. I was at his bedside every day, communicating with health care professionals, making life and death decisions, and speaking with each doctor and nurse who touched him to be sure they had the proper information. There was no room for error in his precarious situation. I watched a once healthy and joyful man reduced to a body with tubes coming out of every opening in his body. He did not know who he was and what was happening around him. He couldn’t speak, was highly agitated, and fought so violently that he had to be restrained to the bed. He underwent surgery to repair fractures in his face and eye, was fed liquids through a feeding tube, needed a respirator to breathe. I networked as best I could to find the best facilities for him.

Miraculously after 8 weeks in 3 hospitals, I brought him home. By then he was breathing on his own, and the tracheotomy was removed. But he needed full time care for several weeks to navigate the 75+ stairs in our multi-level townhouse and assist with his liquid feeding. In time, he learned to walk and swallow well enough to eat solid food.

Now, after six months of doctors and therapies he is playing golf, hiking, and driving a car. He still has some short-term memory issues and a soft raspy voice, but basically, he is close to the man he once was.

In hindsight, retirement was a blessing. There was no way I could have managed my husband’s recovery while working the long hours and traveling back and forth across the country – as my job required. Today I feel fortunate that my husband doesn’t need me as much anymore. So, my pursuit of meaning in life has picked up where I left it six months ago. I approached my 70th birthday with  the attitude that it was just another birthday. I didn’t have fear, excitement, or any feeling. But I decided to make something of this arbitrary number to reexamine who I am, what matters to me, how I respond to people, and how I can be a better person. Along the way, I’m hoping to find some new activities that bring added meaning to my life.

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Caretaking, Family matters, Our bodies, our health, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Knitting a life

Posted on May 23, 2017 by Blog Mavens

After hearing in our 70Candles! discussion groups and on this blog that many women are wondering how they might spend their time, I glanced back on these seven years of my own retirement and offer this summary of how I have dabbled dangerously.

Knitting a Life

by Jane Giddan
Since turning 70, almost seven years ago, and retiring from a long career, I have bravely declared myself a “serial dabbler.” Calling upon historical activity threads of years gone by, I soon began to explore, to find the “perfect” pursuits for the coming years. New to this city, I was also ready to meet new people and establish new relationships.
What I’ve discovered is there is no one “perfect” activity to sustain me in my senior years, and new friends, of all ages, can be developed through common interests. The buffet is endless, I have the luxury of devoting as much time as I want to any pursuit, and, yes, I can still learn new things. Further, when one phase appears to be over, it may not be truly ended, for I can circle back to it at any time.

I began by finding a book group- something during the day. That expanded quickly into two daytime book groups. Lots of interesting reading…some works I’d never have chosen on my own, but have found worthwhile. Congenial groups of women. Many with views similar to my own. Others who diverge, but are open to good-hearted discussion. Lunch afterward where we eat well and get to know each other better…New friends!                                                                                                                                                                  I checked the local Senior Center, and became involved, for many months, in their lively table tennis scene. An able volunteer instructor elevated my game from tame ping pong to hard-hitting competitive table tennis. It was fast-moving, sweaty fun until I tripped on my doubles partner’s shoe and fell backward with a thud. I decided against further such risks, and moved on.

I found an excellent twice a week Core, Balance and Strength Training class at my local recreation center. The talented instructor, who specializes in older adults (everyone is over 50), miraculously presents different routines in each and every class. New (younger) friends there too.

In these hot Dallas summers I’ve challenged myself with lap swimming in our neighborhood pool. I love the quiet weekday mornings there when others are away at work, and each time I enter the pool I try to exceed my previous number of laps. On Saturday mornings, my dear neighborhood pal joins me.

Lately, at his urging, my husband and I have tried Yoga. At first I participated for his sake, but as our sessions have become more challenging, I look forward to them to increase my own flexibility as well.

My creative impulses have led me in new directions. I’ve always doodled, and wondered if I had some latent artistic talent worth unearthing. To find out, I enrolled in a continuing ed. class at the nearby Community College. After three semesters of happily drawing, in pencil, charcoal and colored pencils, it was gratifying to discover that I could, indeed, reproduce objects I saw before me. Then I paused, and turned my attention to writing, but intend to return to art sometime in the future. Meanwhile, I’m saving my daily telephone doodles in a small journal, thinking they’ll serve as inspiration another day.

When I saw a notice for free ukulele lessons at our local Guitar Center store, I signed on. Early years of piano lessons gave me the confidence to ‘face the music.’ Once I could play some old familiar songs, I carried my uke to nursing homes and entertained my friend’s mom, and then another friend’s husband. Each time I now play their “favorite song” I think of them.
I even got my granddaughter launched with a uke. What a treat to play duets with her!

Writing and marketing projects with my husband take a lot of attention, and tend to temporarily drive out other creative pursuits. We’re currently having translated into Spanish, our children’s picture book – Grackles of Green Grove Protect Their Land – with associated coloring books and short plays, and we’re spreading the word far and wide.

Curating the 70Candles.com blog and writing for HuffPost have become my morning tasks. I’m fascinated by the geographic reach of our blog and the quality of the heartfelt postings from women discussing what matters to them in this era of extended longevity.

Then there’s grand-parenting. We moved to the Dallas area be near our adult children and three grandchildren. We’ve been here as support through sickness and health and through the ups and downs of family life, but overall, what a fine experience it has been. Although as they’ve gotten older, our grandkids no longer want to sleep-over, there’s still so much to do with them and for them. I most enjoy sharing my love of museums and theatre, and learning about their lives and their teen-age culture from them.

I’ve most recently picked up knitting needles, and have been producing scarves, upon request. I know, we said in our 70Candles! book that we weren’t like our grandmothers, “sitting in a rocking chair knitting”….but knitting is fun!…quite addictive, and the fruits of one’s handiwork are happily given and gratefully received gifts. An ancient art form that knows no bounds, knitting can lower blood pressure, calm the mind, and relax the body. All reasons it has experienced a renaissance and has become so popular today. What fun helping my granddaughter learn this craft.

And now, my political bones have been aroused, and I’ve been invited to several local political groups that reflect my values. I’m ready to make a difference in these chaotic times. Who knows where this will lead….or what will come next.

We hope you’ll share what new things you have tried, and let us know how they’ve worked out.

Posted in 70candles, Family matters, Goals ahead, Networking, Older women connecting, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Do you know the signs of stroke?

Posted on May 8, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Dixie, Age 73

May is National Stroke month. DO YOU KNOW THE SIGNS OF STROKE?

I didn’t the first time around, 2012, and put off going to the hospital beyond the time limit for receiving the “clot buster”.

Last Saturday, April 29, 2017, I had another stroke event. 911 came to the rescue.

“FAST” is the memory tool for stroke warnings. Please check out my current post on richlyaged.com, “Do you know the signs of stroke.” This post contains all the actions needed to save brain cells and tells my story of what can happen if you don’t react fast enough and what can be possible if you do.

After spending last Saturday night in the hospital, with countless tests, I’m determined to share the information with others. Stroke can strike at any age. Speed equals brain health.

Please share this information with your friends and family. I love my life at 73, my friends, my husband, the countless possibilities for the future. I just want to do my part to ensure that future.

Cherish each day and put the FAST reminder on your refrigerator. Life is good.

Dixie at richlyaged.com

Posted in 70candles, Our bodies, our health | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Wish I had more girlfriends

Posted on May 5, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Mary,  Age 70

I always thought that at this age I’d be “settled.” Nothing could be further from the truth. No relationship, my business is struggling and I worry way too much which I know is bad for one’s health. On the other hand, I am so fortunate! I have two wonderful children and four grandchildren and they are all healthy. My daughter had breast cancer two years ago and is now cancer free. Fortunately my business was doing well while all that was going on. I live in Oklahoma. The oil business has been in the toilet and so my business has been in the toilet too. However, all in all life is ptetty good. My heart breaks when I think about all the Syrian children and so many displaced people who just want a roof over their heads and food in their tummies. How can I possibly complain? I just wish I had more girlfriends.

Posted in About turning 70, Family matters, Gratitude and Spirituality, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Resilience | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments