No longer shy about retiring

Posted on September 4, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Ellen, Age 76

I’ve long been afraid of my own retirement, partly because I’d lose what I love to do, and I couldn’t imagine who I’d be if I weren’t employed. Most of all, I wondered and worried how I’d know when the time was right. And then it happened.

In May of this year I completed three years at my college. I received a letter from the Dean (I used to be a Dean myself) saying that my third-year review was coming up.

Some may remember the tensions of the third-year review, typically for assistant professors poised to rise in the academic ranks. I thought, “Really?” I asked my department chair and she said, “Really.”

Now this school has an incremental three-year retirement plan. It consists of the first year full-time, the second year three quarters or half-time, and the third-year quarter time. There is even the option of working full-time for all three years. That was it for me. The lightning bolt had struck. The sign, the epiphany. There is no way I would participate at my age, with my experience in a third-year review.

I’ve now announced that I will retire in three years, and I have no regrets. I’m reminded of the woman who chose a yoga class over a business meeting. That was her sign. This was mine. Perhaps I will start to collect stories—when did you figure out it was the right time to retire? Was it your own decision or someone else’s? (Hmmm, I guess I’ll always be a psychologist looking for my next project.)

What have I learned from the books I’ve read and written, the women I’ve listened to? What lessons do I want to bring with me as I am now heading toward my own retirement? Is there a “bottom line” to a meaningful retirement? Here’s what I’m thinking—actually my advice to myself—at this moment:

Combat ageism wherever you find it, and it is everywhere; Stay active in mind and body; Look to the future (Martin Seligman calls this “prospecting”); Identify your meaning and purpose; Expand and nurture your social connections (remember, there is no such thing as a happy hermit—Chris Peterson).

And finally, I want to channel George Vaillant for a moment: Question—Who are you when you no longer contribute to the GNP? Answer—A fourth grader.

Enjoy!

Posted in 70candles, Goals ahead, Looking ahead, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Giving to others brings the best satisfaction

Posted on September 2, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Sherry, Age 69

I am 69, looking forward to any day that Mother Nature allows. I have been a nurse for 42 years and by helping people, I learned that, by giving, I am getting many rewards. I went on “permanent vacation” 2 years ago. I also call it “perpetual Saturday” – my favorite day when still working. Retirement, I say, is for going to bed at night.

I learned, when my Mom died at age 60, that I needed to suck out of life everything I could. She was vital, full of life, fit, and very active, yet stricken by her genetic predisposition to breast cancer. Whatever life held for me at that juncture, I was not going to live in fear of dying young; or old. I learned to ride a motorcycle and bought a Harley and traveled far and wide. I learned SCUBA. I went to cooking classes. I love sewing and reading, joining a book club. I often volunteer at the Elks Lodge as a member and again, find by giving, I get back. I make life a theater, dressing for occasions to celebrate.

I moved to the place I loved: Colorado Springs, three years ago. I have put into perspective my mistakes and have not second guessed my choices, which I thought were right at the time. I sleep very well, tired from making the most of everyday. I have a BIG garden and find joy in watching things grow. I enjoy the laugh of my neighbor’s children.

My Grandmother Kennedy used to say, “who will know in 100 years from now?” That has helped me decide what is really important. I have an attitude of gratitude, thankful for what I have and always consider, “is this what I need or what I want”. It helps clarify my purchases.

I have no children, by choice, and have only two brothers who live States away. I have family of choice: dear girlfriends who sustain me in times of joy and grief. I have dog rescues and cat rescues and caring for them gives me such joy.

I am healthy and do not take it for granted. Yet, I have drinks at night and smoke cigars. I have a mantra: “where there’s a will, there is a woman; and, that would be me”. I don’t pay for anything that I can do myself. I am fiercely independent, yet believe that Mother Nature has it all in control. I do not fear death: Mother Nature has it in control.

My definition of happiness is “peace and contentment”. I have my “blue days” and surrender to it and get busy doing SOMETHING. I have been married twice, not interested in doing that again, but am open to companionship and sharing in mutual interests.

I do not involve myself with negative thinkers or people who are in crisis all the time: “life is too short”, as Mom used to say. I love people, but only those who, maybe selfishly, contribute to my joie de vie.

No one will give me anything, life is for the taking for your own happiness; yet, giving to others is the best satisfaction for me.

Posted in 70candles, Gratitude and Spirituality, Older women connecting, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Seeking wise words

Posted on August 27, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Jo, Age 71

Hello,
Already I feel less alone reading the blog posts. Here is my story. I am almost retired as an autism consultant and former academic. I’m single with 3 grown children in 3 corners of the U.S. Seattle, Western CT and Miami. I was recently diagnosed with CLL, chronic lymphocytic leukemia and although it can be a chronic condition, I have some markers for poor survival. That being said, I’m active, hike the Appalachian Trail, play in a music group and do some work-related writing. I’m feeling pretty well and will probably need treatment within the next year.

I live alone in Metro D.C. My sister lived 5 miles away but has moved to Wisconsin. I have had several health crises and have had very little support from my friends. Most of them are older than I with health problems or are carers for their spouse so I can’t depend on them. I grew up in the NE in a huge Italian-American family with aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. I have always felt “something isn’t right” without family. My grandchildren are in Seattle, across the country. While I like Seattle, I would be moving away from my other children, cousins, and everything I have ever known. To complicate issues, my family in Seattle isn’t happy there and are working on finding jobs elsewhere. Although I am very welcome there, and the medical care is good, I am apprehensive, given my health issues, to move and move again, following my grandchildren all over the map.

If I am going to sell my home in D.C.,I want another small house, garden, bird feeder, 2 laying hens, etc., and the time to settle and make new friends. Seattle is so expensive, that wouldn’t be an option. Condos are nearing 1/2 million.

My son in CT, who has no children, would like me to live near him; he and I have more of an emotional compatability than my other kids. Western CT is affordable, clean, lovely, but medical care would require a trip to mid-town Manhattan about once a month – a 2 1/2 hour trip on Metro North. He is suggesting that I buy a small home near him and spend several months a year in Seattle to be with the little ones. My son in Miami is a chef/restaurant owner and doesn’t have time for himself, let alone me so Miami is out.

I could also stay here in D.C., and while I have a good oncologist, acupuncturist, am in a mindfulness meditation group and know my way around since I’ve been here since 1988, I have had several hospitalizations and health crises and had to deal with them on my own. I think the kids look at me as Wonder Woman and while that’s a great thought, reality is my health is fragile at times and the kids have not stepped up. I realize they have their own lives and none of them is within reasonable travel distance; the drive to CT is a good 6 hours from here and its getting harder and harder for me to do. I am always, 90% of the time, the one making the effort to stay connected. I’m tired.

I have been in the process of sorting, purging, donating for over two years. I accumulated an embarrassing amount of stuff, including my mother’s things. She lived with me (and turns 95 next month) but is now with another sibling since my diagnosis.

I go around and around; Seattle, CT, D.C., sometimes depending on which of the two kids ticked me off; the Seattle contingent or the CT group. I know the life I want (small cottage, garden. maybe walkable community) with my family nearby). This is affordable in CT; not in Seattle. Seattle has the kids and part of the lifestyle but a built in “waiting for the other shoe to drop” since they want to move away. I am getting more accepting that I am going to have to make new friends so I’m not as stuck there. I would sincerely appreciate any wise words from my sisters on this blog

Thanks very much. Hope this wasn’t too long winded.
Jo

Posted in 70candles, Caretaking, Family matters, Grandparenting, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

On Nearing Seventy

Posted on August 26, 2017 by Blog Mavens

ON NEARING SEVENTY
by Janet Adams Dunn

This one is different.
The sixty-nine others came and went so smoothly.
They didn’t change me, or cause discomfort.
They didn’t mess with me like this one.
I still felt the same and smiled each year.
I even scoffed, “You can’t scare me”, I said,
With confidence. But not this one.

Seventy? Is seventy old?
It sure doesn’t feel old. Not even close.
I still deadlift and grow strong new muscle.
I walk fast and hold myself up straight.
I still dance and move with rhythm.
I still seek knowledge, and laughter and …. affection.
I am still quite alive, thank God.

Yet I wonder ….
Are years counted on all my fingers,
Of one hand or two? Oh God I pray for more.
How many hugs and holidays with my children?
Or glorious sunrise snuggles and coffee?
It’s far too foggy and unsafe ahead. I prefer clarity.
I already miss what I don’t even know I will miss.
I grieve. I think too much.

These thoughts are new to me.
They swirl around inside my mind like fake snow,
floating and trapped within a water globe,
never comfortably settling. Drifting without answers.
Taunting me with uncertainty.

Don’t speak to me the platitudes,
or feed me false assurances.
I have heard them too many times.
I have even spoken them all …. to others.
I realize now they are powerless,
As I start my eighth decade.

Yet ….. this unsettledness, these thoughts,
The anxiousness – there is another side.
A different meaning to “uncertain” seventy.
It speaks to me in dark of night.
I feel it’s urgency when I wake.
It’s my own voice and it’s growing louder.
It shakes and moves me. It even dares me.
It is time. It is now.
Or not at all.

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Goals ahead, Gratitude and Spirituality, Looking ahead, Our bodies, our health, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Sharing a dilemma

Posted on August 22, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Patti,  Age 71

This is the first time I’ve ever written into anything! LOL! I found this website this morning and knew I could share my dilemma and get others insight….so here goes

Three years ago I sold my sweet little house in NC and bought a house in MS. I did this so my daughter could be near her son. I had lived in NC for 25 years and had many great girlfriends with lots to do and fun times. I have not adjusted well to this life in MS and long for my NC. Last year I bought a condo back in NC near my old house. I found I don’t do condo living well….I must have dirt in which to play. Even though the condo was near my old neighborhood it just didn’t work. I sold it and moved back to MS where I still owned a home where my daughter and her son were living so here I am back where I don’t want to be!

My daughter is in a serious relationship and her son just started college. I have relatives living two hours away, but I don’t see them any more than I did when I lived in NC. I’ve always been the one to travel for visits. I don’t feel I can sell this house in MS as long as my daughter needs a place to live so that means my funds are small for purchasing another house in NC…but doable. I could also purchase a small house here in MS, but I’m still stuck in MS if I do that.

I truly want to go back to my friends and NC, but is that the right thing to do at my age? I am very healthy and active and I would like to find peace and happiness.                     Any thoughts out there?

Posted in 70candles, Family matters, Looking ahead, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , | 26 Comments

What book has mattered most to you?

Posted on August 15, 2017 by Blog Mavens

What book has mattered most to you?

An intriguing question for those who have read throughout their lives. My PageTurners book group recently read The Book That Matters Most by Ann Hood. It’s about…well a book group that distributes a year of reading to each of twelve members. Each must choose the book most important to them, explain why and lead that month’s discussion.

The best part of our PageTurners conversation centered on our own personal choices. The books cited by the assembled women were very varied, and through each heartfelt description, we learned a lot about each other.

I thought long and hard about this assignment, discovering that different books stood out depending on my life’s stages and circumstances. My mind resurrected images of myself in contexts of my youth, adolescence, college days and through my adult life. People I read with, read for, and read to came to mind. Finally I settled on two to discuss.

The first was The Bobbsey Twins…yes my first childhood chapter book. It was the winter of 1948, I was 71/2. It arrived as a surprise last minute gift from my dad, who handed it to me as I sat buckled into my airplane window seat. As I visualize that moment, I recall I was wearing a blue and white checked suit…(we dressed well for travel in those days). He briefly boarded the Eastern Airlines plane about to fly me off to Florida with my mom, then quickly disappeared as the hatch closed behind him. I spent the entire flight immersed in and enchanted by the world of the twins, Nan and Bert, Flossie and Freddie. This book launched my self-propelled reading career. I read right through Laura Lee Hope’s Bobbsey Twins series and then moved on to Nancy Drew.

As I got older, my dad would strategically bring large hard cover, beautifully illustrated classics to me from our treasured – rather antique and rickety – St. Agnes Branch library on Amsterdam Avenue. I remember sitting propped in my sick bed absorbed in Treasure Island, Around the World in Eighty Days, Don Quixote, and more. How much I now appreciate his low key encouragement.

The second book that rose to the top of the book stack of my life was A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I was twelve, close to the age of the protagonist, Francie Nolan, and living in New York City. I remember being shocked and frightened by her stalker, and inspired by her choice of a hat pin to protect herself from pinches and gropes in the city subways. The emotional impact of the story has stayed with me, but I couldn’t recall more details of the narrative…so I recently reread it.

What intrigued me this time was the historical context. Now considered an American classic, this coming of age story chronicles the lives of a poor and struggling extended family in the early 1900’s, in Williamsburg Brooklyn. It was the very context in which my dad lived as a child. He, the youngest of six children, worked as a boy in his father’s corner grocery store. As I read, I caught a glimpse of his neighborhood, and his neighbors and the spirit of those times. It was again a memorable read, but in a very different way.

Books remain part of my life, comforting, intriguing, enlightening, and entertaining; wonderful escapes to other times and other lives. My favorite of this year, A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.

I’ve discovered that this question, about one’s favorite book, is a terrific conversation starter. Those asked immediately pause to review the life-long landscape of their readings. Some ask for more time to decide. There’s so much to reflect on – and to talk about.

What books have meant the most to you?

I hope you’ll share your choices and recommendations with our 70Candles! family.

Jane

Posted in Read Stories, Stories, What we're reading | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Such is life

Posted on July 24, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Elaine,  Age 70

Well I am wondering how to live under the pressure that 70 is the new 60! Really….Tell both of my arthritic knees that. I remember my grandmother holding onto everything as she walked and I as a little girl said to myself, no matter how much I hurt I won’t walk like that! Wrong! But I go to the senior center 5 times a week and lift a few weights and pedal a sit down bike and get to feel pretty good, except when it rains.

I do acrylic painting, nothing great but have fun! I wrote a short story and some poetry. Lately I worry about the legacy to my grandsons…everyone is so busy I am left behind, the last to come up, I can’t compete with the other 2 grandmas.

Oh well such is life….my husband is great, now after 46 years….we always say life is good as the saying goes. I color my hair and listen to the newest and oldest music on the radio and sing along!!!

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Grandparenting, Our bodies, our health | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Am I insane for taking all this on, or should I just keep on trucking?

Posted on July 11, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Noel,  Age 70

I must be in complete denial. I am 70, will be 71 in December. I have broken my femur, two wrists, a pelvic fracture 11 years ago, and breast cancer when I was 57.

This week, I will graduate with a masters degree in Mental Health Counseling and I expect to work part time as a therapist until I am 80. I am single, was married briefly in my thirties(no children) and started my own business when I was 49. Fortunately, I did well so I have been able to put aside some money (not a fortune) but enough to see me through until my demise. I am estranged from the only family I have, two sisters, but I do have friends. I own a horse, who is boarded 7 minutes from my house and I anticipate riding again when I return from moving out of a recently sold house (lost money on it) upstate New York.

Recently, I have become a little frightened. I look much younger than my years, but my accidents coupled with aging skin, has weakened my fortitude. I love Jane Fonda’s talk on Ted that we are not going to sink into decrepitude but I am beginning to feel like I am on shaky ground and that maybe I should move in to a one bedroom retirement community and scale back big time.

Am I insane for taking all this on, or should I just keep on trucking? Would love to hear from similar type a ladies.

Posted in 70candles, Finances, Looking ahead, Older women connecting, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Feeling lonely and struggling with ageism

Posted on July 3, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Diane,  Age 71

Thank you, Jane and Ellen for allowing me to share.

First of all, my heart goes out to Lois (“My 70’s Story”) for what she was faced with and for her courage in dealing with it.

I feel that I identify with Ronne in England. Even though – thank God – I’m healthy, I, too, have literally daily unbidden thoughts of my own mortality. I don’t feel my age and am reminded of the saying, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” Honestly, I’d be in my mid 40s.

Since my husband and I moved to our current home ten years ago, I have found it quite impossible to generate any “genuine” friendships in spite of being involved in volunteer work for over seven years. Yes, I’ve developed acquaintanceships but have not formed any bonds (even among 70 somethings!) that I could call friendships. Are my standards simply too high? I hope not. I honestly feel that I have put genuine effort into the process with no results. I get a lot of, “Hey, let’s meet for coffee. I’ll call you.” No calls are received. And, when I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, everyone seems to be so “slammed.” I believe that I am a pleasant, interesting woman, and when I read or hear about other women’s “girlfriends,” (think Susan Branch, for example) I wonder, pitifully, how one acquires them. I joke to myself that Karma is biting me for sins committed in a previous life.

When I decided to join a book club 10 miles from where I live, I discovered that there is a “cutoff” age of 68! Apparently, even being 69, let alone 71, is “too” old. Are we septuagenarians offending the sensibilities of younger people?

I and many in my age group that I have known over the years had such respect for people in my parents’ generation. I was always interested in what they had to say and what their life experiences were. The fact that they were older than I made no difference to me. I don’t know about anyone else out there, but for the most part I don’t feel this is the case anymore. As I have previously mentioned, once you’re of a certain age, you’re simply invisible. I feel such a sense of loneliness. My husband loves me dearly, but we share no common interests (it’s not for lack of trying). He has his “guy” friendships to occupy much of his time.

All right then, enough of these depressing thoughts. I should pick up my needlework (challenging, not even close to Home Sweet Home) and my books (my “real” friends) and get on with it. Sigh. I don’t mean for this to be a complaint fest. Am I one of the few who feel this way?

Thank you again for the opportunity to pour it all out.

 

Posted in 70candles, Ageism anecdotes, Networking, Older women connecting, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , | 12 Comments

I miss my old house

Posted on June 18, 2017 by Blog Mavens

Anonymous,  Age 70

Okay I wrote in this blog about living in an extremely rural Area in Montana and finally sold our home and land. Excited about change after 17 years of no friends and the loneliness over came me. I’ve been here since Sept of 2016. I’m turned 70. Medical issues surfaced not serious

We’ve come to the conclusion this house is very small. It needed at least $35,000 in upgrades. Realized the traffic is horrible in this small residential area. Still no friends, …oh they wave, say hello. The yard turned out to be a huge challenge $$$$$$. My location is in the center of the city. We’ve gone out to eat several times.

I miss my old house; it was finished, the yard was mature. And location was a bit quieter. I wished we could have moved our house in to closer land. Yes I know, reality showed me a big fat No.

I feel down, I feel letdown. My husband who is older does not like to go to many things going on in the area. Did I mention we have 3 older ranch dogs and 2 smaller dogs? Can’t leave the house for too long, maybe 3 hours…the last 2 months medical issues surfaced…a ganglion cyst on my right…hand surgery was more intense. Dr found it was wrapped around a tenden in my thumb and a joint in my thumb. It’s been 8 weeks of not being able to drive very far, clean my little house, no Quilting, no decorative painting. Lifting of a full glass of water is not on the list. Plus issues in my neck from an old injury.

All this does not change the issue of not feeling home. My husband built up a small garden for salads. Yah I can’t cut anything I’m right handed. I read and listen to my realaxing music from Pandora.

Well I’m signing off now. I’m so grateful for this blog. After reading some of the stories I know I ‘m not the only one going through difficult Emotional times. God Bless you.

 

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Family matters, Men aging, Our bodies, our health, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments