Frances, Age 69
I am not old… she said
I am rare.
I am the standing ovation
At the end of the play.
I am the retrospective
Of my life as art
I am the hours
Connected like dots
Into good sense
I am the fullness
Of existing.
You think I am waiting to die…
But I am waiting to be found
I am a treasure.
I am a map.
And these wrinkles are
Imprints of my journey
Ask me
anything.
Author: Samantha Reynolds
Laura, Age 56
Hi there,
I came across your blog in doing a search on Google. I’m grateful for finding it! I was wondering if you would be so kind as to offer some advice.
Here’s the story: My best friend is my ex-partner. She and I were together for 10 years, I moved away for 5 years, then returned to AZ (near Sedona) and we decided to get a home together since we’ve known each other for over 20 years. We are very close and have the best friendship anyone could ask for. She is a solid gem. She is turning 69 next week and is really struggling (I’m 56 so I don’t know what she is going through).
I always celebrate her birthday in a fairly big way but she said she doesn’t want anything done this year at all. I threw her a big surprise party for her 65th and she said she does not want a party…at all. So, I will honor that but I still want to do something but I don’t know what.
What can I do to support her? It breaks my heart to see her sad, especially since she does soooo much for other people and is truly a kind and loving person.
Please help!
Thanks so much!
Laura Geatches
Susan, Age 72
Four years ago, my husband, and my miniature goldendoodle dog, Luca, got on the Queen Mary and sailed to a new country, and a new life Italy. It was the reverse trip that my grandparents made over 100 years ago. Sailing past the Statue of Liberty was an emotional farewell to a country I had loved and was prepared to leave.
We made the decision to retire in Italy after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am now more than 7 seven years cancer free, put the diagnosis was an impetus to face the facts of my own mortality.
My husband and I have no children, although we do have 2 nieces that we love very much. We are both former Human Resources executives from Silicon Valley. I continue to do executive coaching over Skype, while my husband is very happy and fulfilled being retired.
We initially came to a small town, about 14,000 people, in Umbria. We were charmed by the country side and people whom we found open, and curious about us. This past year we also have rented an apartment in Florence so we now split our time between the two places.
I find Italy to be a much less youth focused culture than that of California. Older people here are integrated into the families, and are treated with respect and care.
Living in Italy is not all Under the Tuscan Sun kind of experience. It is not for everyone, but for me, I love this country, its food and wine and above all, its people. I seem far less conscious of my age here than when I am in the US. Here my identity is first as the American, then a woman, then on someone who doesn’t cook and way down the list is someone who is over 70.
Barbara Greenleaf
I retired from a full-time university staff position a year ago to publish my blog, Parentsofgrownoffspring.com. Before this I thought I was good at self-organization. I also thought that writing the blog would give me just the focal point I needed to be as happy and productive as when I went to an office every day. Not quite, at least not right away. While I love this stage of my life, it’s been a learning experience. Here’s why:
1. It takes a long time to find a rhythm. I get up at the crack of dawn. In my office days this was perfect for exercising, showering, getting gussied up, and getting out of the house. Now, I’m neither getting gussied up nor getting out of the house. What to do in the early morning hours? Should I write first thing, when I do my best work, or should I exercise first thing so the day doesn’t get away from me? Should I make lunch dates, which are important for socialization but bad for concentration? Maybe I’ll just take a little nap and that will solve everything. . .
2. I am terrible at most hobbies. Over the years I had so much crafting desire and so little time, that when I retired from the university I signed up for every DIY class known to woman. These included but were not limited to basket weaving, paper folding, quilting, sewing, finger knitting, crocheting, bookbinding, weaving, welding, keyboard, ukulele, calligraphy, and scrapbooking. With the exception of quilting, I stunk! It was really humbling.
3. Doing good is not so good. I was sure that as soon as I retired, I would be magnetically drawn to one charity or another, where I would make a real contribution and get great personal satisfaction from helping those less fortunate than I. It turns out I hated serving on nonprofit boards. They have no choice but to relentlessly raise funds, which I found soul sapping. I mentored kids at a local high school, but then they graduated and the next crop wasn’t as simpatico. It was a disappointment.
4. It takes a lot of energy to have a social life. Once you’re out of the workplace, it’s eerie how the world can get along without you very well. Unless you have regular book club meetings, see the same folks at the gym each day, or get subscription tickets with friends, you have to keep making the effort to stay in touch. I’m gradually learning how to navigate this, but I wasn’t prepared for having to be this proactive.
5. Retirement is expensive and time-consuming. As soon as you step out the door, the tab starts to run. And now you don’t even have to step out the door as e-commerce makes it so simple to buy things right from your couch. I thought that without business attire and the dry cleaning that goes along with it, eating lunches with colleagues or commuting to work, I’d be far ahead of the game. Ha! Moreover, all those chores I somehow fit in nicely after hours or on Saturdays now seem to take up every waking minute. As Miss Piggy would say, “Quelle surprise!”
These are all small quibbles compared to the joy of doing what I love without raising my hand and having to ask, “May I?” Nevertheless, as I look over the list, that nap is looking better and better . . .
What has surprised you about retirement? How does the reality of it match up with your former expectations?
Patricia, Age 64
Hello from upstate NY. I am 64 yrs old. My husband passed away 18 months ago. I have no family here other than my daughter and her family. As much as I love them, they are very busy with their lives, and I don’t get to spend time with them anymore. My son lives in Brooklyn, NY…4 hrs away. I see him approx. 2 times a yr. I have two sisters in Maryland and one in NC. I am not happy in this house full of memories. My husband and I downsized to this home ten years ago from a neighboring town. It was to be our retirement home. That didn’t work out, as he passed one year after retirement. I don’t want to sit around and wait to die. I feel the need to move on with my life. I am putting my house up for sale in a few weeks and planning to move to NC. Of course, I am apprehensive about making such a major move at my age and leaving my immediate family behind. But I’m also excited to be moving nearer my sisters and will be able to see them more often. We do “sister trips” and it’s always been harder for me to participate because of the distance I have to travel. Another selling point is that I won’t have to endure another frigid snowy winter. I’ve hated living in NY since I got married. After my husband passed, I’ve tried getting out of the house, making new friends, and getting involved in the community. But there is not much to do in this little town. I am moving to a rental that is in my sister’s family. Renting has it’s advantages…it will give me an opportunity to see if I like the area; I can take my time and look for a house to buy. I may even rent. Either way, my next home will be one level. I’m ignoring the negative thoughts (many that have been expressed on this page) and forcing myself to think positive. To me, moving south is “going home”. I want to get to know my next to youngest sister better. I want to live in a warmer climate. And I am excited to move to a new area. Bonus: I’ll only be living 2.5 hrs from the ocean. Being lonely isn’t an issue because I’m lonely here. So either way, I need to adjust to this new chapter of my life called “Old Age”. I’ll get back to you a year from now and let you know how things are going.
Lynda, Age 69 3/4
I will be 70 in may. My husband died 7 years ago. I live in a Chicago suburb on the north shore and am trying to sell my home. I have a place in Florida for the winter and I do not know where to go. I have enough money for me to last my lifetime however, I have 2 adult children who barely get buy. I have been helping both.
Do I continue living the style I am accustomed to and let them get the money when I die or do I help them more?
Roseann, Age 70
I would like to share the wonderful birthing of a new 70 Candles Support Group in New Jersey. This past Sunday, Feb. 18, 13 women gathered together at my home for a most beautiful and meaningful Sunday afternoon.
I learned of 70Candles.com a day before my 70th birthday this past Jan. 5. I was immediately drawn to its beautiful healing energy, and the hope, comfort and inspiration afforded to women as we enter these last precious decades…I decided almost immediately that I wanted to form a group, began spreading the word to friends, and asked them to invite their friends etc. I also purchased Jane and Ellen’s book, and the Leader’s Guide. I called my friend Linda who is a therapist like myself, and asked if she would like to co-facilitate with me. The day turned out more wonderful than we could have imagined…
The kitchen table was set with cake, cookies, a fruit salad, some dip and chips, and some cheese and crackers…We also had a box of Valentine chocolates! Everyone came in and filled out information cards and began chatting, as they had coffee, tea and goodies…Then, we went into the living room and officially began our meeting.
The feeling around the room was wonderful…It was as if everyone was hungry for the same things and they felt that here, they could and would receive the emotional and spiritual nourishment they were looking for.
After a brief introduction of the history of 70 candles, we played some music (I chose “A Million Dreams” from the Greatest Showman- I love that song! to begin the group. We ended with a hand-holding circle to John Denver’s ” I Want to Live.”)
We went around the room as each person introduced themselves and spoke about why they wanted to be here, what they were looking for and so on…So many of us were sharing common concerns. We found comfort in being listened to, as we each spoke about our feelings about aging our life situations etc.
We also read and discussed John O’Donohue’s poem, “For a New Beginning”- a beautiful poem that opened the way for lots of wonderful sharings.
We also did a little “Bucket List” exercise, where the women wrote down, not only things they want to do in their life, but who they seek to be, qualities they want to engender in themselves etc. We explained that our list would be visited each month, and could be amended and added to in any way they wanted. We placed the lists in envelopes in a brightly colored yellow bucket- in safe keeping.
The women began talking about how we can be a loving and supportive group for each other- we could visit one another, meet at a diner for breakfast, lunch or dinner, go to a movie, walk or hike with one another, visit each other, run errands for one another and so on…There would be someone to call or email if we needed a helping hand or just felt like having company. We will make an email and phone list to share, so that people could communicate with one another, as well as with the group at large.
We also decided to meet once a month- and in addition to talking about our lives, perhaps have a half hour or so for some educational topic or spiritual practice or physical exercise routine. Members could take turns sharing some of their special techniques or strategies for aging with dignity and love and respect for ourselves and one another. Every one has some gift or talent or story to share- by the age of 60-70, we truly are all teachers!
Our group is filled right now. 13 were there and there were several others who wanted to come, but were unable to, and my home cannot accommodate more than 20 or so comfortably. I will let you know if we can include more as time goes on.
It is easy to form a group…All you need is a friend or two…A cup of coffee or tea, and a willing and listening Heart… Where two or more are gathered, wonderful things can happen.
Dear Friends, we all get lonely and sad…But we can do something about it to make it easier. Sharing our loneliness and sadness with another, truly helps…Please do not isolate- when there are so many who are feeling exactly as you…They too need a friend. Perhaps offer an invitation to just come over and “let’s be 70 together…”
I live in Central New Jersey in the Somerset area-midway between Princeton and Morristown. Even if our group is filled, feel free to connect with me, and I can share with you how perhaps you and a friend or two can begin to form a gathering that will provide you with the comfort you are so deserving of.
I hope you have found this helpful…Women love to help other women…We have so many stories to tell…so much life experience and wisdom to share. And yes, we have so much we can learn from one another.
Blessings to you all…on this amazing Journey we share.
Sincerely,
With Love and Peace,
Roseann