Anonymous, Age 74
Sitting here reading through this site, like what I’m reading and seeing, especially since it’s mostly women my age, yea, you understand.
I’m wondering if anyone else has done what I think I might want to do or feel like I do sometimes, Share some ideas, experiences, wisdom with me if you wouldn’t mind.
Long time divorced, worked long and hard, no career, just a lot of jobs, finally down to 25 hours a month. Just hanging on because it’s a decent job, pays okay, and how lucky am I that they still let me work there though in a limited capacity.
I’m feeling restless. Winter is not by best time, cold, snow, ice, dark, I am mostly shut in for the long winter months. Lost my ability to walk on my own, now using a walker, no complaints, I’m still mobile, get to just about anywhere I want to go on my own, except in the winter. Live north of Chicago. Weather determines when I go out in this season.
While I was busy working, my friends were actively doing life; I had to turn down way too many invitations to have fun because I had to work. Now quite a few of my friends are gone, there will be no long lunches, getting together for this or that. A few have moved to other states, those still married are joined at the hip with hubby.
My limited mobility also affects where I can go, what I can do.
I have 4 children, 8 grand kids, we are in touch by email, text, skpye, and cards. Everyone is really busy I rarely see the family except for 2 or 3 holidays depending on who isn’t busy. The rest of the year I’m pretty much on my own, which is okay.
This past year the kids have been bugging me to move south where it’s warmer, they think I should be out doing more, getting a life; sounds good, but there are a lot of “but’s” running round in my head.
One thing I do know, at 74 it’s now or never.
I do hate winter, even hated it before I could no longer walk on my own, don’t like driving in it either; in fact driving in this state is like driving on the Indie Speedway. Drivers are crazy, and driving behind an older person like me makes them crazier, I go over the speed limit by 5 miles which is never enough. I stay in the right lane, I do take my time when turning left, been hit twice, so extra cautious, me taking my time is sure to bring on a honking fest which only makes me more nervous. I try only to drive between 10 AM and 3 PM.
My income level is slightly above poverty, but I’m comfortable. What do you think about moving at 74? I’d either try FL or Az, maybe even Tx but thinking AZ might be more my style, maybe more affordable.
I would be moving where I would know hardly anyone, 2 very casual friends that live there year round might be of some help but limited since we are not “close” friends and are of different economic levels, and 1 that winters there. When I sell my home I will have some equity to put down on another place, definitely prefer buying to renting, doesn’t have to be big, just close to move in ready, as I wouldn’t have much if any for fixing up.
The thought of moving where you can get out all year round is appealing, no more bundling up then not being able to move. if it’s extra hot, guess you do errands early or late in the day?
I could get a dog, I’ve always wanted a dog, but who wants to take a dog out when it’s -20, dogs don’t even like that kind of weather.
One other weird thought that keeps spinning around the gray matter, I’m obviously aging, when you can’t walk without some kind of aide. I’m facing the fact my days and years are limited; thank goodness I don’t know the “when”.
It seems like a novel idea to do something “wow” like, move away from a life and style that’s the only kind I’ve ever known.
My kids are also talking retirement in the next 10 -15 years, I don’t want them to feel “stuck” having to take care of mom. They wouldn’t complain to me, but I don’t want them fighting among themselves, who does this or that, who might be doing too much or not enough. 3 of them are also talking about retiring to warm weather states.
Another quirky thought, there will be several weddings over the next 10 years, I don’t know if I want to be the “spectacle” at these events. Nothing makes me feel sadder than when I go to an event, see the grandma sitting there dolled up looking uncomfortable, maybe with too much make-up on, not being able to hear well, sometimes not being able to see either, or even unaware or understanding what is going on around her. Yes, it’s wonderful our families care and include us, but I think I’d like to be remembered when I looked better, could get around better, be remembered for my funny remarks, humor, etc. Anyone else ever entertain this thought?
What if I move and I don’t like it, I’d be stuck, but at least I wouldn’t be laying there on my death bed regretting what I didn’t do, and wondering what if I would have.
Any feed back? Anyone else move at this late age to a place where they had no one? How do you feel, would you recommend it, are you glad, did it make your life better or worse? Did anyone end up with less money in their savings which I probably would, how to you deal with it, do you feel selfish for doing something on the “wild” side?
I have thought about renting for awhile in 1 or 2 states but then I have to drive alone where I’ve never been. What will I do when I’m there for a month; can you really tell in a month if that might be the place to land? If I fly, then I have to rent a car, to be honest renting a place and a car, or even air fare, not exactly cheap and once spent the money is gone. How much do I want to spend just on the “deciding” factor? So much information on the internet, it won’t tell me everything but maybe enough?
I even thought about renting for several months every winter, again, have to drive to my destination no doubt alone, or I could hire someone to go with me, fly them back and do the same on the return. Then how do you spend your time when you know no one in the area. I don’t play cards, don’t gamble so not interested in junkets, with a walking disability hard to take tours. I have several hobbies, but would not have any of my tools with me, I don’t know if I could just hang out for 3-4 months at a time. I think I’d feel guilty about wasting so much time doing nothing. With life being on the short side at this age, I want to keep doing as much as I can when ever I can. I love to create, don’t want to stop for several months at a time.
My current home is okay, I had to put some money into the place, some major repair work, I would barely break even but I can’t stay here for 5 more years, goodness I’d be 79, way too old to want to move then unless it was to Assisted Living. I live in a very small complex, never see anyone, neighbors are not friendly, only know the people on both sides, retired couple on one side and the others are younger renters, both say “hi” and that’s it. I love to decorate but have lost interest since I only have company once or twice a year. I don’t think people my age are much into decorating, more into doing other things. Seems we like to go out instead of going from home to home for dinner or visiting.
Suggestions, ideas, comments, is my thinking too off the wall? Too negative?
I hope to contribute a few ideas and suggestions for others,in time.