Flourishing in the Eighth Decade!

Women everywhere, welcome to our blogspot, a space for sharing experiences, thoughts, and ideas about how to overcome obstacles and thrive as we approach and endure in the eighth decade of life. We hope this exchange will be a source of inspiration for the next generation of seventy year olds. Those baby boomers are hot on our heels, and want to know more about what lies ahead. Nobody gave us a guidebook or shared what this path might be like. As we burn those seventy candles, we can help shed some light on the trail for them.

What has this transition been like for you? Serious, funny, commonplace, unusual, short, long stories, all are welcome. How does it feel to be among the oldest in the crowd? What does it take to thrive in this decade? How do you think others see you? What contributes to well-being and yes, flourishing at three score and ten?

We welcome the comments and reflections of women everywhere. All cultures, ethnicities, socioeconomic status and backgrounds; as diverse a sample as we can reach.

Please contribute brief anecdotes, observations, thoughts, ideas, and life stories by posting them in the comment section below.

Alternatively, you could email longer stories to us at 70candles@gmail.com. Please include information about your age, ethnicity/cultural background, geographic location, education, and work status. We will organize, collate, and share your emailed stories anonymously on this blogspot. Ultimately this may become a book about how our generation flourishes. Spread the word!!

Posted in 70candles | 41 Comments

Tech snafu!

Apologies for that annoying post notice arriving in your in mail, where the print is tiny and the links don’t function.
I hate that this is happening!
Please be patient while I get some help from India to fix this problem.
Cheers,
Jane

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Living as I age

Mari, Almost 72

Someone once said I ought to call Mel Brooks; he could make a great story of my life.

Growing up in the Midwest as the first daughter to live after my mother lost her first born @ only a couple days old! I later came to realize that perhaps my job was to prove that I would not die like Rita Diane did

I am writing to you because I am approaching 72 in a few weeks and am once again reading (yes, among other things I am a bibliophile): 70 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU TURN 70.

I wanted to share my story with you as I have been wanting to start a blog on being in the world not of the world. (I have a brand new Apple computer and I don’t even know my password; thus being a technophobe it’s not happening)

Briefly
I have 6 licenses and degrees
Cosmetology (modeled for Olympic hair competition)
Women’s studies major
Facilitator for Clarity Institute
Reiki And Yoga instructor certifications
Image consultant with AICI CERTIFICATION specializing in Fashion Feng Shui.

I have served on a board for survivors of sexual abuse and did an internship at center for homeless in South Bend Indiana
Currently I’m a STEVHEN Leader for STEVHEN ministry
(Oh, and back in the day I met 3 of the 4 BEATLES, and partied with Andy Warhol.)

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Looking ahead, Networking, Share your story, What we're reading | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Family matters

Janel

I’m looking for a way to make visiting with family either at my small home or a flight away in theirs easier. One of the things I think about is that my job as a senior is to understand and ease the way for others. I think I do this pretty well except when I am in close proximity to my ADHD granddaughter and her mother. The mother was a single child, Ivy educated and excellent in her medical field. She does not set boundaries with her daughter. Nor did she with her son but he is manageable as a teen. The 10 year old granddaughter enjoys being the center of attention. She commands it and her mother tells everyone to be quiet and to focus on her. The mother doesn’t mind that she does cartwheels in my living room. My son rolls his eyes – he gives up on the mother’s (his wife) lack of boundaries. He knows mine.

I am finding that each time I am around the mother and granddaughter together, I get sick now. At 75, this behavior is getting old. I set boundaries but they are rarely observed. When my son visits without his wife things go much better. His wife is totally self-absorbed. She does occasional nice things for me. If I was sick she would be here in a minute and find the best specialists in the country for me.

My granddaughter and I do well together when the mother is NOT around. In the 15 years since they married, she has never once taken an interest in me. She likes to tell me about her life from time to time. I work hard to take people where they are.

This visit, I couldn’t wait until they left. They extended their visit by staying one week this time, it is usually four days. I mentioned to the mother who is a physician that I wasn’t feeling well. That I had been on bed rest before they came. She made me a lovely item and I just sent her a photograph to show her that I made it into a pillow. She was shocked I was on bed rest. She is rarely focused on anything I say.

My son and daughter do not stay with me which I orchestrated years ago. I usually have one or two of the grands here which is no problem. It is a huge problem when the mother is here with them which she is most of the day. I feel like I stand guard over my home the minute they enter.

One example of these issues is food. My home is small and open. My granddaughter carries food throughout the house. I mention to her in front of her mother that she must eat it in the kitchen. The mother says, ‘no, she is fine.’ I override the mother most of the time. If I go to sleep early, I will find leftover food in the bedroom from my granddaughter after her mother has left. I rarely have my granddaughter sleep over anymore because of this.

Any ideas? Most of my friends say they are dealing with similar issues.

Posted in 70candles, Family matters, Grandparenting, Parenting | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Apologies

Please ignore the Post notice in your email.
They’ve changed all these formats. Ugh!
Working in it. Jane

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70Candles book groups and gatherings

Hello to you all,

We are delighted to have been invited to be interviewed for a podcast about 70Candles.

One question sent for our consideration is about the book groups and gatherings mentioned on this site. We know lots of interest was posted on our Gatherings page, but alas, we have no updates on those efforts.

We would greatly appreciate it if those of you who have been involved in either of these would kindly send us word about how your group has functioned.
We’d love to know where you are located, description of the group, number and type of participants, how often you meet, and how long the group has gone on/went on.
Anything you can tell us would be helpful.

We’d be interested too in efforts that petered out for any reason.

We send best wishes to you all this Thanksgiving season,
Jane and Ellen

Posted in 70candles, 70Candles! Gatherings, 70Candles! Gatherings - the experience, Goals ahead, Looking ahead, Networking, Older women connecting | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Maine Massacre

No doubt you have heard about
the massacre of 18 people killed in Lewiston, Maine October 25, 2023. Another 13 were injured, 3 remain in the hospital with very serious injuries.

The first massacre I can remember after Kent State in 1970 was the Easter Sunday Massacre in Ohio in 1975.The murders since are beyond my comprehension. Forbes tells us the US now has 20 million assault weapons. Twenty million. Last week a local paper in Portland, Maine published this editorial:
Why do we continue to accept a level of gun violence in the U.S. unheard of in other comparable nations?

Why is there always room in prison and never enough in drug treatment centers and mental health facilities, when the latter are the interventions that can help to limit violence in the first place?

Why does our society glorify guns unlike any other, adding millions more into circulation every year?

Why do we allow a firearm designed to kill and maim as many people as possible become so widely available, and so widely and casually held up as a symbol of American freedom and virtue?

https://www.pressherald.com/2023/10/26/our-view-brokenhearted-for-lewiston-we-will-have-to-heal-together/?fbclid=IwAR2eBxubRDcB4v23OCVH5pXM_PdNbP4_oZF92nNUed7HH-BpJ85EWIl9FO0

These massacres are getting closer and closer to all of us. And yet, politicians refuse to pass legislation to ban these assault weapons, pass red flag laws (this allows authorities to confiscate weapons in situations where it is deemed unsafe) and tougher permitting laws.

This massacre is just up the road from me. A quiet town of 37,000 people. The Androscoggin River runs through it. Home of Bates College.

Maine will heal like many communities before it. Sadly, it is only a matter of time until the next gunman uses an assault rifle on more innocent people. How many next time?

20,000,000 assault rifles. More sold each day. I hope everyone calls their members of congress asking them to ban assault rifles. Anything semi-automatic.

I think about the poor status of mental health in this country. One only has to look around to see what matters and it isn’t people. Then I wonder about the mental health of anyone who thinks they need one of these killing machines. I wonder about the members of Congress who continually allow them.

A new bill was introduced February 1, 2023 – H.R. 698 – Assault Weapons Ban of 2023 (“S.25 – Assault Weapons Ban of 2023 118th Congress (2023-2024)”

In loving memory:

Tricia C. Asselin, 53

William Frank Brackett, 48

Peyton Brewer-Ross, 40

Thomas Ryan Conrad, 34

Michael R. Deslauriers II, 51

Maxx A. Hathaway, 35

Bryan M. MacFarlane, 41

Keith D. Macneir, 64

Ronald G. Morin, 55

Joshua A. Seal, 36

Arthur Fred Strout, 42

Lucille M. Violette, 73

Robert E. Violette 76

Stephen M. Vozzella, 45

Jason Adam Walker, 51

Joseph Lawrence Walker, 57

Aaron Young, 14

William A. Young, 44

Susan

Posted in 70candles, Dealing with loss, Read Stories | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Dr. Perfection and Ms. Good Enough

Judi Meirowitz Tischler, Age, 73

If you are worried that you have cancer, you want your slides read by my husband, pathologist extraordinaire. If you want to sort out a problem with a family member, my skillful listening might help you come up with a plan.

When we decided to embark upon the marital adventure of partially
renovating a small basement bathroom, and do it ourselves to avoid the expense of a contractor, our differences emerged within hours. As we prepped the walls for painting, a speck of dust was accidentally painted over, resulting in a small (dare I say microscopic) bump. Ms. Good Enough could easily ignore it, given our jointly agreed upon objective of finishing the project quickly. But the speck invaded my husband’s dreams, appearing as an errant malignant cell growing and devouring the entire wall. He left our bed at 2AM, clipped on his head lamp to compensate for the absence of natural light, sanded and reprimed the entire wall. Ms. Good Enough slept through the entire event.

What dybbuk could have possibly possessed us to think that this bathroom reno project would be fast and smooth? Fessing up, it was I who pushed this item to the top of the To Do List.

The bathroom has its own story, much of it lost to the history of an earlier millennium. Thirty one years ago, we bought this house from a ninety year old woman, the youngest of six siblings, all of them born in the third floor bedroom. She was eager to sell the house As Is, along with its century’s worth of contents. We paid her asking price. With one packed suitcase, she left to join her two surviving sisters at their retirement home in Pennsylvania.

Our family of five moved in, and with much griping, door slamming, laundry and homework the tasks of life got done.
Ten years into our residency in this house, we engaged a contractor to finish the basement, including the small room in the corner that years before the realtor had called the Jelly Room. It was cold enough to preserve jelly jars and far from the massive coal furnace. It had shelves, a door, a light bulb hanging from the ceiling and a toilet.
Many months later we had a fabulous finished basement with a small full bath.

Around this time, my recently widowed mother began to make frequent week-long visits from New Jersey. She moved into the basement that was renamed Grandma’s Room. With the goal of making her comfortable, we upgraded the lighting, bought a low tech TV and sleep-sofa with a button that elevated the head. The plus was her own bathroom. We ate dinner like a proper 1990’s family, conversing, discussing homework assignments and happenings of the day and during mealtimes did not answer the phone that hung with its curly cord on the kitchen wall. After dinner everyone scattered and grandma washed the dishes while listening to the news on the small transistor radio that she carried in her apron pocket. She would then disappear to the basement .It has been years since she passed away, but these warm memories still linger.

Over time the room filled with our grandchildren’s toys, exercise equipment and books. The small table top TV was replaced by a larger than life wall mounted screen.The two remaining residents, now septuagenarians, spend evenings sitting on the couch, looking at the exercise equipment, often choosing to pick up the remote control and a light hand weight.

The bathroom too had lost its vim and vigor. As if a sign that it was time for an intervention, the mirrored door of the medicine cabinet became unhinged. We looked around. It was time to come clean. We had each been noticing the creeping decay: the small patch of mold in the corner of the ceiling, the broken floor tile, the discolored vanity. This bathroom needed an upgrade.

How hard could it be?

We are both still able bodied and enjoy a challenge but our approach to planning and executing a project were not the same and we had never worked together in quite this way. We needed a foreman who felt confident making plumbing, electrical and carpentry decisions. I have long held a grudge against the New York City Public Schools from which I
received an otherwise fine education. In the 1950’s and 60’s, girls were denied the Shop electives and funneled into Home Economics. Even after the Feminist Revolution which changed things for the generations that followed, my undermined self confidence in these areas worked against seeking out these skills.I agreed to be the apprentice as long as we kept to a time schedule and my innate sense of hue, utility and style.

So far, we are enjoying ourselves. Tarps cover the basement staging area.The old vanity has gone out with the trash. The sink is removed and sits face down among the toys. The unhinged mirrored medicine cabinet has been taken to the dump. The disconnected and drained toilet sits among the books.The sink trap and fixtures are gently cushioned in a carton. We are frequent flyers at the local hardware store, and Home Depot. We have bought a new sink, vanity and medicine cabinet and have watched dozens of How-To-Do You Tube videos. Without much difficulty, we agreed upon a bright wake you up in the morning yellowy orange with a whiter than white trim. I have learned to paint slow and smooth and to care about bumps.

Having begun this project feeling quite misaligned, we have settled into an in sync tempo and are proud of ourselves and happy., Our next big project will be downsizing. Although much greater in scale, when we show a prospective buyer our home, like the realtor who guided us decades ago, we will begin with the small full bath in the corner of the basement. It comes with a story.

Posted in 70candles, Family matters, HUMOR, Resilience, Share your story | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sunny Days Are Here Again

Sherrill Pool Elizondo, Age 74

I’m 74 and live in Texas. Summers are brutally hot and becoming hotter and the sun more intense. Several years ago I began seeing a dermatologist to remove skin tags. Nothing else turned out to be serious. At that time I wasn’t having a total body check. Nothing on my skin looked suspicious (even certain moles)…just skin issues like Eczema at certain times of the year and spots called Seborrheic Keratosis. When I was growing up in South Texas I ran around outdoors daily. Back then parents didn’t slather sunscreen on their kids! As a parent, I didn’t apply sunscreen on my sons either and they were often out all summer on their bikes. I now regret not making them put on sun protection but I don’t recall that many parents did this either except when going to the beach. When I went with my family to the beach for a week as a kid, I DO recall we weren’t allowed outside during the heat of the day and not allowed to swim except early in the morning or late afternoon. Something I tried with my own sons but wasn’t always successful.

In the 60’s and 70’s, most of us recall sun bathing during the summer. I used sun tan lotion but it didn’t contain high SPF. Others used baby oil to get a rich deep dark tan. I was a blond but tanned easily…most of us wanted a healthy looking tan! I’d burn slightly and then tan..never a blistering burn or skin that peeled. I recall only one bad sunburn in adult years. I’d gone to St. Croix in the Virgin Islands with my husband on a business trip in the 90’s.The wives went to the beach one day and had a lovely time being served rum drinks and enjoying a breezy cloudy day. I got a very bad sunburn that prevented us from going on a boat excursion the following day. A cloudy day doesn’t prevent sunburn!

April 2021 I went to the dermatologist. I had a sore on my scalp near my temple that was not healing and assumed that it was a pimple or just dry skin. I’d mess with it and sometimes the area bled. The dermatologist removed precancerous spots near one wrist and examined my scalp. She said we could wait for a while to see if it would heal, as that was my wish, and she gave me a cortisone injection in the area. The following spring I returned to see her. The “sore” hadn’t healed. She examined a small red area on my shoulder (about the size of an eraser on a pencil) and said that it, as well as the sore on scalp, definitely needed to be biopsied. In a few days a nurse called and told me the biopsies showed Basal Cell Carcinoma. I was surprised! I guess I thought I was immune to skin cancer. An appointment was set to meet with the MOHS surgeon in the dermatologist’s office on April 26. This would take several hours so I was told to bring snacks and a book to read.

The surgeon removed the small spot on my shoulder and, after checking under a microscope, she was able to determine the skin cancer was completely removed. I got another injection to numb pain on the larger spot on scalp. After the first scrape, it was determined the doctor would have to do it again.That time it was completely removed but required stitches.This meant applying an antibiotic at home and returning for follow up to remove stitches in May. Everything looked normal on my return but I needed to go back in 4 weeks for yet another follow up. I returned to see dermatologist in February, 2023 and she found another small spot to be biopsied and took care of one precancerous spot on my face. I’d moved from the area I lived in for 42 years and needed to make a 3 hour trip for the appointment in March. MOHS surgeon was not required and dermatologist was able to freeze area. I try to remember, if I’ll be outside any length of time, to apply sun block and wear a hat…the hat I often forget! I use facial sunscreen and BB cream or makeup with SPF and try to stay inside during the hours of the day when the sun is most intense.

I hope all of you take precautions with your skin this summer especially but year round as well! I feel fortunate that what I had was not squamous cell carcinoma or Melanoma. It was explained to me that I had accumulated sun exposure over a lifetime which caused skin cancer. However, the dermatologist said that even ONE bad sunburn can cause this. Be safe! Get yourself checked out with a dermatologist.

Posted in 70candles, Health, Our bodies, our health | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

New Eyes

Susan, Almost 75

As many of you know from my writings, I am new to Maine. It’s been nearly five years since I ventured north, just before the pandemic. Being sequestered for a few years has made me very aware of interpersonal relationships. Perhaps because I know so few people here. Now that we can get out and about I am just making a few friends.

Over and over it seems just about everyone I meet is so self-centered. In a new relationship, one would think others might take an interest in another person and ask them questions. Instead it appears they just listen. Then they go on to talk about themselves with no response to anything I might add. I say that and then second guess myself wondering if they just zone out and I am being too kind to them.

Having never noticed this before or maybe didn’t care, I wonder about it now. Were people always that way or did I just not notice or care? Or, are we suffering from isolation more than we know. I think all the above might be true.

I’ve lived in the northeast before and do understand the culture is a bit different. All cultures vary a bit which I enjoy. At soon to be 75 and a sociologist/gerontologist/environmentalist/activist by training/education/interest this bothers me.

I would appreciate any thoughts you might have about this. Has this been your experience lifelong? Or do you think this is a post pandemic thing? Or?

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Older women connecting | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

Time to dump my 80th birthday candles

Miriam, Age 81

Nine months after my 80th birthday, my “8” and “0” candles still sat on my bookcase. I couldn’t decide if I want to be reminded of this frightening milestone or if I should forget it and continue to see myself as young enough for new adventures. I knew my grey hair, weakening legs, wrinkled loose skin and tiring at 9pm required limits I had to accept.

Finally, before my 81st birthday, I stored the candles out of sight. Sure, reminders of my age are everywhere. They intrude when looking in the mirror, while walking up or down hills and in countless other ways. Aging sometimes becomes a positive, too. I appreciated when a college student offered to help lift my suitcase off the airport baggage claim carousel. I love when my granddaughter jiggles the skin on my hand and says with a smile, “I love touching your soft skin.” But I’m glad I stored the candles where they can’t remind me of my age.

Posted in 70candles, Adaptations and accommodations as we age, Aging, Attitudes about aging, Family matters, Gratitude and Spirituality, Resilience, Turning 80 | Tagged , , , , , , | 10 Comments