Pam, Age 72
I recall the moment when I realized that I had passed some “age” bar in the minds of others. I was in the hospital having carpal tunnel surgery because I could no longer swim or bike comfortably. Before surgery, a young intern came to interview me. One of his questions was how much I walked. I said two miles a day was my minimum. He could not hear miles. He wrote “two blocks.” That was my first bump with age prejudice.
Jane Giddan, Age 71
Hearing loss creeps up quietly, usually gradually. At first, you don’t notice the absence of leaves rustling, water dripping, wind whistling through trees, tissue paper crinkling or violins singing in high register within the orchestra. There’s more than enough you can still hear and listen to.
After a while, you begin to ask your walking partner to stay on your “good side,” you cup your ear to better catch social conversation at a noisy party, you need someone to repeat question addressed to you from afar. Voices at the other end of the conference table at work start to fade. Now,you to strain to hear your clients, patients, colleagues. You turn the TV volume up to a new level, to the discomfort of those around you.
Meanwhile, as you continue in denial, your partner, coworkers, children and friends are well aware of your diminished acuity. They learn quickly that you can’t hear them in a crowd, or from behind. They grow familiar with your, “Huh?” and “Whadjasay?” and with those often humorous misinterpretations that signal dampened reception of high frequency sounds, “Your mother is coming?” “No, the water is running.”
Yes, hearing loss can actually become annoying to others, long before you’re willing to acknowledge and deal with it. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, more that 9 million Americans over the age of 65 suffer hearing loss, but only one in five of them pursues treatment. So many excuses: “I can hear well enough” ”I already wear glasses- not another device to deal with.” “I don’t know who to trust with this problem.” “Those aids are just too expensive.”
Hearing loss impacts some work settings more than others. Imagine the speech therapist testing for articulation errors in children, “Say that again, a little louder, please,” as she homes in on visual cues from the child’s mouth. The social worker in the noisy NICU, public speaker fielding questions from the audience, lawyer with clients, doctor with stethoscope to a patient’s chest- the list goes on.
What to do? How to cope. What are some ways to compensate for this loss?
Here are some ideas:
·Have hearing tested by a licensed, certified Audiologist (CCC-A from the American Speech-Language and Hearing Association or certified by the American Academy of Audiology).
·Follow-up with periodic re-testing of incipient loss.
·When ready, and on the advice of the audiologist, purchase the best hearing aids available for your needs—choose among the newest small, digital, multi-channel, background sound- dampening wonders.
·Let others know about your loss- but caution them not to talk with extra volume when hearing aids are on-That can be painful.
·Move to a quiet environment for important conversations- an empty office; just beyond the chattering of a party crowd.
·Face the speaker. Capitalize on facial cues and lip reading.
·In restaurants, seek a seat in a booth with your back to the wall.
·Get used to no longer overhearing interesting conversations at the next table.
·In theatres, take advantage of free FM listening devices- especially if you don’t wear aids yet, but need some help.
·Remember to routinely touch each ear before stepping into the shower—just in case you’ve forgotten to remove your aids—they respond poorly to water.
·Put hand lotion on after you’ve placed your aids in your ears. That way, the cream won’t clog the microphone opening.
At home, set ground rules:
·No talking room-to-room
·Best to communicate face-to-face and within close range.
·Say the person’s name and get their full attention before speaking.
·Suppress background noise (TV, music, etc.) when conversing.
Here’s what will still be true:
·The loudest auditory signal in the environment still will win. It’s hard to suppress all competing sounds.
·Your own vocal volume and projection will be affected by the feedback of your own voice— so you might speak too softly. Louder may sound too loud to you.
·In less than ideal listening conditions, there will still be messages missed, or misunderstood. Repeat back what you have heard for confirmation. Laugh at the unintended errors.
Know that once you finally do acquire needed hearing aids, you will rediscover many of the auditory signals you’ve been missing, and conversations with others will be vastly improved.
Through it all, remember to enjoy the precious sounds and voices around you, and treasure the hearing you still have.
Thoughts from a 70Candles gathering:
What shall we do when we no longer pursue our careers?
We might retool, retrain, pursue new ventures, or volunteer where there’s a need.
Re-tiring can be like putting new tires on a car – a fresh start!
We take ourselves with us into each new adventure, and wherever we may move. An avocation might move to the forefront and in retirement, claim our full attention. This new focus can help us redefine who we are and what we are about. “I am a photographer,” said aloud, can begin a whole new chapter in a life.
Optimism matters. Know that there are possibilities ahead.
There is something good in every day, Find it, notice it, wonder at it, give it, be it.
Each day contains the possibility of something new and exciting that’s never happened before.
With age has come experience and wisdom, to pass along to younger people. By being a good listener, you can be a catalyst, to help them sort things out. They know the answers, they just need help finding them. We have inspirational status.
Connect, connect, connect with family, friends, and especially women friends. Relate to people of all ages. Have several different communities.
Make younger friends. Interact with different kinds of people. Don’t marginalize anyone.
Accept your friends with all their frailties as they age. Don’t focus on what was or what might be.
Bring energy to whatever you do- it keeps you going.
“I don’t want to be young; I just want to be thought of as young.”
As the first generation of women in professions, we are very different from our mothers. They could be teachers, nurses or secretaries; few ventured beyond limited offerings, and when they did work, the generation before us stayed in a single job until they retired.
A wider range of career options opened up for us, as law schools, medical schools, business schools all started admitting more women. We’ve felt the freedom to evolve and change course as opportunities broadened through the years. We’ve had the courage to create new
options. Now, as we consider winding down, or retiring from our careers, we believe there is still an array of options ahead.
It’s interesting to consider how our identity been affected by our life’s work. Is our job who we are? Or is it a mutable facet of our being? As one woman was about to retire, after a long career as Dean of Students, a colleague said, “You won’t know who you are when you wake up tomorrow.” He was wrong!
The retired lawyer still sees nuanced issues in the world through her analytic lens. The speech-language pathologist stays attuned to voices and speech patterns wherever she goes. The essence of each of us is embedded in a complex fabric. Our work life and all it provides is but a fragment of “I.”
Gloria, Age 69
Recently I did a sort of life review, in 10 year age spans, and I realized that I accomplished more in the years from 50 – 60 than any other span. I haven’t yet completed the 60 – 70 span, but I am sure it will likewise be very full.
My life also had more changes as I aged.
Now I work only 3 days per week, but am loathe to give up my profession, as a clinical psychologist, completely. I find that age and experience have deepened and enriched my ability to empathise, assist and engage with my patients. By using my own life experience I am encouraging other women to expect to be similarly productive long past their 40’s. And I hope I am a role model to my young clients as they tackle life’s challenges.
Being a grandmother certainly is very joy-filled, but I have not become the fulltime nanny my daughter and son-in-law invite me to become. I relish the time I have to read for hours, or to walk among my trees and pick up branches to burn. Even with the loss of loved ones and friends, I am enjoying these days and savoring each pleasure. Although I have some medical conditions, I am thankful for my general good health- emotional, physical and spiritual. Seventy does not seem the threat it would have been at age 40. Sometimes I even contemplate turning eighty, as with every decade I wonder, ‘Is this the time to stop coloring my hair?’
Carol, Age 64
I am 64 years old and recently retired. Since I am traveling the road to 70, I would like to share some miles with you. In the past year, besides retiring after 38 years full-time in retail, my husband and I have built a home in an adult community and my granddaughter has given birth to my second great grandson. I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions. I did not realize this time in my life would have me guestioning who I really am. Everyone wants to know what I’m going to do with all my free time. I really can’t answer this yet because I do not know yet. I do feel myself getting older every day, but I refuse to ever just be old! I plan on traveling this road to 70 with an open mind. I know the road will be bumpy at times, but reading about people that have already arrived will make it much easier for me. Reading these stories puts a smile on my face and has me looking foward to turning 70. I am now enjoying just being in the moment no matter what I am doing. I am grateful that I now have the time to work through my many emotions and now have a place to share them.
Jane, Age 70
I just spent a dozen hours trying to catch up with my technological devices. Upgraded my iPad to a new OS at the Apple store, learned aspects of a non-intuitive health services encoding program at work, worked on blog programming and production. Remembered to charge up phone, Kindle, iPad…Yikes!
The digital world pulls us forward, in spite of our resistance. Our generation is precariously sandwiched between most of the World War II “greatest” seniors who refuse to have anything to do with the complications of the internet, and the boomers behind us who embrace everything electronic and ether-based.
We’ve witnessed an incredible swath of this evolution, as technological change has run apace. Successive generations of devices both amaze and unnerve us, with alterations in ways to gather news, read books, record ideas, contact friends and listen to music.
Each week, I scan the ads of the local mega electronics store, just to see what new devices exist, and what they’re called. Items proliferate weekly, with sometimes mysterious uses or applications, while flea markets and antique fairs display our long beloved sewing machines, desk phones, typewriters, vinyl records and radio consoles.
It won’t be long, it seems, before all screens merge into a single receptor for TV, movies, videos, music, photos, books, phone calls, social networking, web searching, world mapping and apping. Wait a minute…Has it already happened?? Can we keep up with this pace?
Carole Simpson
As a young woman in my twenties and thirties I was in pretty good shape – tall, slender, long legged and trim. There wasn’t a skirt too short nor a bikini too skimpy for me to wear. All of a sudden I am forty years older and time, gravity, and childbirth have taken their toll. I’m not fat but I’m sure not what I used to be. All of the hours I spend at the gym and walking aren’t getting me back there either. In fact, I think the best I can hope for is to maintain where I am.
Recently my husband and I were driving down a residential street on which the local municipality had erected signs that are intended to alert drivers that they need to slow down and drive cautiously in this neighborhood. The sign said ‘Thickly Settled’. The meaning, of course, is that there are lots of people, kids, dogs, etc. in the vicinity. I took one look at it and loudly said ‘that’s me – that exactly describes me’. Henceforth, forever and ever, I shall think of (and refer to) myself as ‘Thickly Settled’. A perfect description for a slightly past middle aged body.
Stephanie, Age 69
I am not retired yet but am down to half time. I believe it has kept me feeling young, partially because I work with children. I try to exercise (treadmill or take a walk) 2-3 times a week – not a long time – 20 to 30 minutes. I find that I gain weight easier and that is troublesome, so I’m working on that.
I make a list of all the things I want and like to do – read, travel, learn Spanish, being active in my church, book club, and volunteering, etc. I enjoy taking care of grandchildren, but not full time! If I am busy, the ailments that are present, are hardly noticed. I also try to be around friends who like to be busy, which keeps me active.
Anonymous, Age 69
I turn 70 next month. You talk about flourishing, while I’m feeling rather trapped instead. I’m caring for my ninety year old mother who needs help with everything. My brother is willing to contribute financially, but he says he’s not comfortable ministering to Mom’s personal needs. How are other women dealing with these issues? So many of our parents are living into their nineties and even beyond. I need advice and some help!