Suzie, Age 69
When my husband recently filled out some tax forms, I was startled when he listed my occupation as “retired.” I don’t feel anywhere near retiring. We have recently moved so I am between jobs, but I have a career that is still very much a part of my life and my identity. As I contemplate what lies ahead, I imagine involvement in my career for many years to come. Retirement? Not me. Not now. How about others out there?
At Seventy
At seventy backs ache, knees creak, minds wander and smiles broaden.
Parts that used to take care of themselves need tending.
And even though we don’t want to believe it,
We are much further from the beginning than we are from the ending.
At seventy our children are grown up people
With jobs, lives, joys and troubles of their own.
Our grandchildren grow taller and smarter as we shrink and stretch.
And we all travel to places so far away
Our postcards take two weeks to deliver.
We smile as the kids tell us of their work, which we don’t understand,
Of their friends, whose names we can’t pronounce properly,
And of their aspirations which make us swell with pride and smile with memory.
At seventy we’ve grown up, but have not finished learning.
We seek simplicity and quiet joy
A walk through the park with a child in hand,
A stroll through a market in a foreign land,
Celebrations with family and friends,
A happy meeting of means and ends.
We pray for favorable test results, everyone’s good health and a winning hand,
And just once in a while something going according to plan.
As we balance those we’ve lost with those we’ve gained.
At seventy, we forget where we put our keys,
Our cars and our appointment books.
But we know by heart how to fit the pieces of life together,
How to make lemonade out of lemons
And interesting patchwork patterns out of torn pieces of cloth.
At seventy our friends say we look “young and thin” before their cataract surgery,
Our grandchildren tell us we are “old and round” before they learn to lie,
And we still seek engagement with a world that doesn’t much care what we are doing.
At seventy we can enjoy a good book, if we can find our glasses;
A good meal with our friends, if we eat early enough;
A beautiful place with those we love, if we stay out of the sun;
And our own company.
At seventy precautions are second nature.
Social Security and Medicare are old friends.
What we want of ourselves and others seems possible,
And love, laughter and time are far more precious than jewels.
At seventy,
Injustice still rankles,
Empathy heightens,
Experience matters.
And loving kindness counts the most,
At seventy.
Caroline M. Simon, September, 2010
Anonymous-Age 70
I found the run-up to my 70th birthday quite sobering. Mild ailments that I customarily ignored seemed to portend serious conditions. Feeling sleepy suddenly seemed age-related. Thinking about purchasing clothing or household items made me wonder whether this was the last time I would be buying a new coat/blanket/tea kettle. Now that my birthday has passed, things seem to be returning to normal – thank goodness!
The emotion that I find most helpful at this age is gratitude. I am grateful for good health, for the choices I have, for my family, for my friends, and for living in a place where I feel safe and free. When one feels grateful, it is impossible to feel angry. This realization has made a huge difference in my life. I try to turn anger around to gratitude – whether it’s a disappointment, a frustration, or a sadness that is triggering the potential for anger, I try to think instead about something in that vein for which I can be grateful. Waiting in a line? I’m grateful that I have my iphone to occupy me and take my mind off the “wasted” time. Time is never wasted when you have an iphone! Disappointment that one of my kids did something of which I disapprove? I’m grateful that they are their own people, with their own lives, making their own mistakes and successes, and that they are responsible for themselves. Of course, I lapse….I am human! But this paradigm shift h as really helped me to let go of things I used to want to control, and to relax about being of an age where I am not expected to control a lot.
Of course, I sometimes feel marginalized. I feel invisible in some situations. Our generation is on the fringes now. I don’t understand a lot of today’s culture, technology, or humor. But it’s okay – I have more time to process and enjoy the people and activities that bring me pleasure or challenge me in good ways. I’m ready to let it go and seek new ways to feel productive.
Giving myself permission not to be productive every minute of every day has been a huge freedom. It’s okay to read in the middle of the day. I can spend an hour walking somewhere instead of finding the most efficient way to get from point A to point B. I can talk on the phone to a friend and not worry about what I’m not doing…….most of the time!
It’s a work in progress, this evolution to being a retired 70-year-old. But it is progress! And I’m feeling so grateful to have the opportunity to do it.
Barbara, Age 76
It`s been six years since I tried to blow out all 70 candles. And though my neck sags, and I can`t remember my neighbor`s name, though I need hearing aids and depend upon Depends… these most recent years have brought a kind of ecstasy that make such indignities mere inconveniences. After a long delay impatiently awaiting the arrival of grandchildren, I`ve recently been blessed with two winsome grandsons who have made these years more glorious than my most extravagant imaginings.
Though I have trouble getting up after a floor game with our three year old, and I keep the shape of a chair when I rise, this phase of life has been a gathering of fruits nurtured over many years. While I anticiapted reliving the joys of raising my children through theirs, I had not foreseen the sheer joy of seeing my son as parent to his son.
A parallel process has taken place in my career. Though I am adled by the challenges of new technology, and my clinical field has changed dramatically, I enjoy the cumulative experience of many active years in the field and the pleasure of continued contact with generations of students I supervised over more that three decades.
Like so much of life, the 70s have brought challenges and losses, blessings and unexpected reward.
I nearly jumped out of my seat when I read in a book about aging well, that the age group 70-79 is called the “old-old”!!
I have not even begun to think of myself as “old” yet. This seems an extreme designation…Maybe something attached decades ago when longitudinal study cohorts were young, and life expectancy was shorter.
When I reported this finding to my trainer, she, ever the optimist, immediately assumed it meant “used to be,” like what used to be “old” is now…what?
I did another round of chest presses and left the gym, in a slightly better mood.
Women everywhere, welcome to our blogspot, a space for sharing experiences, thoughts, and ideas about how to overcome obstacles and thrive as we approach and endure in the eighth decade of life. We hope this exchange will be a source of inspiration for the next generation of seventy year olds. Those baby boomers are hot on our heels, and want to know more about what lies ahead. Nobody gave us a guidebook or shared what this path might be like. As we burn those seventy candles, we can help shed some light on the trail for them.
What has this transition been like for you? Serious, funny, commonplace, unusual, short, long stories, all are welcome. How does it feel to be among the oldest in the crowd? What does it take to thrive in this decade? How do you think others see you? What contributes to well-being and yes, flourishing at three score and ten?
We welcome the comments and reflections of women everywhere. All cultures, ethnicities, socioeconomic status and backgrounds; as diverse a sample as we can reach.
Please contribute brief anecdotes, observations, thoughts, ideas, and life stories by posting them in the comment section below.
Alternatively, you could email longer stories to us at 70candles@gmail.com. Please include information about your age, ethnicity/cultural background, geographic location, education, and work status. We will organize, collate, and share your emailed stories anonymously on this blogspot. Ultimately this may become a book about how our generation flourishes. Spread the word!!