Helpful or overbearing?

Lia, 70something

A gentleman or an old codger?

An incident, which occured earlier today, has made made me ponder over the issue of what constitutes helpful versus overbearing male behaviour.

I was part of a small group of seniour men and women alighting from a small bus, after a happy day’s outing.

As I was about to negotiate the 3 or 4 steps down, a man in his 80’s, and at least 10 years my senior, having already alighted from the bus, positioned himself in the exit and grabbed hold of my hand with the intention of helping me down.  I was not asked if I needed his assistance, and being a very fit and agile woman, I found this demeaning and somewhat offensive.

In hindsight am sure he meant well, but that is not how I experienced it at the time.

Sent from my iPad

Posted in 70candles, Ageism anecdotes, Our bodies, our health | 5 Comments

A glimpse of the big picture

Karen, Age 70

In January, 2014, I spent three weeks in India with two women who are not family members, not of the same nationality, and not in the same age group. Drawn together by a keen interest in the Indian subcontinent, a love of travel, and a genuine enjoyment of each other’s company, we embarked on separate journeys which we took together.

Our hardy band of adventurers was composed of Rolanda (a maid of 30 years), Ritu (a matron in her early 50’s), and me, a crone of 70 years. Ritu and I are university professors while Rolanda is a small business owner. While Rolanda and I are born and bred Midwesterners, Ritu grew up in New Delhi and while she has lived in the US for most of her adult life, still has strong ties to India.

Our travels together gave the me the marvelous opportunity to reflect on my life as a woman by viewing it from three different perspectives at one point in time. I am the crone of the group but have been the maid and the matron, and even though I have the shortest life expectancy of the three of us, I have the broadest perspective. I wouldn’t return to either of the earlier stages if I could because it would mean sacrificing the wisdom, knowledge and contentment I have gained over my three score and ten years. Rolanda and Ritu can only regard their lives only as far a they are along the path, and must have difficulty conceptualizing my thoughts and feeling
s as the older woman.

While Ritu’s role as a “matron” is somewhat similar to what I experienced as one many years ago, Rolanda’s role as a “maid” is much different from what mine was. At 30 years of age, I had 2 children and was a homemaker; Rolanda at 30 is single, doesn’t plan to have children, and owns her own business. The contrast between us reflects, to some degree, differences in personality and temperament, but I suspect it is more a reflection of how young women have changed over the past half century. Will the matron and crone roles change as much over the next 50 years?

I feel so blessed to have had such wonderful traveling companions and had the opportunity to see the big picture of my life rather than the more narrow perspective of my daily life. I wish all women of 70 candles could experience this.

Posted in 70 from other perspectives: looking forward and looking back, About turning 70, Gratitude and Spirituality, Looking ahead, Traveling | 1 Comment

Digging out

Marilyn, Age 73

I am so happy to find this group. It was from buying your book that I found the blog.

We were married for 35 yrs, when 2yrs ago my husband died by suicide. I was devastated and the question of why haunted me…..

That summer, I dug so many holes in the garden and worked so hard to try and kill the pain.

Now, I feel that hard work, walks and exercise (yoga) even if you do not feel like it, is the best thing.

I am currently thinking of building a small bachelor app. for a woman not to be completely alone as I go towards the 80″s.

Keeping hope in the future

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Bored at 80

Carmel, Age 81

Life at 70 was wonderful. Life at 75 wonderful. Life at 81 pretty miserable. Everyday living is a problem.

Irish, lost my faith. Can’t garden, which I loved. Loved walking, now it’s a big problem. Bored with life, bored with myself.

Is there a site for 80 and over who want to have a reason to live?

Posted in 70 from other perspectives: looking forward and looking back, Our bodies, our health | 4 Comments

Re-connecting with old friends

Barbara, Age 78

In anticipation dread of retirement to begin this August, I have initiated email correspondence with one special friend from each segment of my life, of which there were three- hence three gals, HS, College, Grad School, after decades of drifting apart. It has been an unexpected joy for them and for me.

Posted in Looking ahead, Networking, Nostalgia, Work life and retirement | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Inga’s story

Inga Wiehl, Age 77

I live in the state of Washington with all the opportunities it offers for a life out-of-doors.  I tend my garden,  hike in the summer and cross-country ski in the winter, play tennis year round and bicycle with my husband and International Bicycle Tours all over Europe, preferring countries south of the Alps where wine flows freely come the end of the day.  I am a first generation Danish immigrant but have had a career as a college English teacher with a Ph.D. in Comparative Literature from the University of Washington. 
 
Retirement has given me the time and opportunity to write books about topics that concern me.  When Professional Women Retire: Food for Thought and Palate deals with the “trades” we make as we move from employment to retirement, substituting salaries for coins of time, rethinking social relationships, and moving from professional prompts to self-generated challenges.  Because dinner parties are a vital part of our lives, some favorite recipes and tales of gatherings are included.
 
Five years later, in 2010, I published Heartstrings: A Tale of Danish Loyalty, Resistance, and Homecoming foregrounding my grandmother as representative of women in Southern Jutland during the First World War.  Southern Jutland, where I grew up, had been annexed to Germany after a devastating war against Bismarck’s army in 1864.  With the outbreak of war in 1914, Danish men from that part of the country were drafted into the Prussian army, commanded to fight “on the wrong side,” so to speak.  My grandfather and six million men with him died in that war.  The women survived to run their farms, bring up their families, “vote themselves home” in a plebiscite conducted in 1920, and grow old among their children.  Heartstrings is their story, and because my grandmother and I were tied to one another by our heartstrings, it is my story as well.
 
A third book followed in 2013, Reclaiming Our Brains Without Losing Our Minds: Some Hows and Whys From a Reading Group.  I contend that as we age, each day becomes a reclamation project of brains and body as well as an opportunity for being mindful of one another’s needs.  Thirty years ago, I was asked to start a reading group to be conducted like a college English class.  We would read the world classics as well as contemporary works of substance.  The book tells our story, how we conduct our meetings, how we choose our texts, why we keep coming to “Thursday Readers” ten weeks in the  fall and ten in the winter, as well as twenty-nine essays dealing with Readers’ responses to books we have read. We meet in one another’s houses for lunch and conversation before settling down for a lecture and ensuing discussion.
  

Posted in Networking, Traveling, What we're reading, Work life and retirement | 1 Comment

Another kick at the cat?

Diane, About to turn 71

I felt very depressed on my 70th B Day. I am still working as I tell myself “It keeps me young”…I keep very current, as in fashion,technology, etc. My friends and strangers tell me I look young for my age. I think I really work at it…But the bottom line is how one feels emotionally that counts…We have a lot of history behind us at 70 and have learnt many of life’s lessons the hard way, as well as many happy moments. I think we have to embrace them all and come to a final conclusion. So what is next?? There has to be another “Kick at the cat”

Posted in About turning 70, Looking ahead | 1 Comment

We matter…

Anonymous, Age 41

I just came across your blog. I just want you to know that you matter and I think what your doing is awesome!

Remember, you matter. =)

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My story…my story

Dot, Age 70.5

My story..my story, what is my story and where do I begin my story. At birth, teenage years, when I was married, the birth of my two children, my divorce, and now here I am 70 and turning 71 in March of 2014. After 22 years of marriage I decided I was unable to live with the drinking any longer eventhough I had little to offer the working community and knowing I would eventually be ousted from my home, I filed anyway. That was 27 years ago.
I worked for the NYS Legislature for 16.5 years and retired at age 62. I went to Massage Therapy school at age 60 which was very difficult for me as I was caring for my aging mother and working full time. I decided to take over the home where I was born and my mother resided. This home, built in the mid 1800’s, was falling in disrepair and my decision was to move in, begin rehabing while working and going to school and caring for my mother. It wasn’t easy and it was very challenging. I have come to know that I love challenge and if there is none, I am bored stiff. My mother stayed until she was 96 when she entered a nursing home where she lived another 6.5 years before passing in 2012. My home is lovely after years of hard work and I now have a rental unit on the first floor which gives me what I missed by retiring early.
I work with non-functioning clients at a resident home giving light massage and doing energy work for them. This is wearing as it is extremely depressing at times and my clients usually die an early age. I am now at a point in my life that I feel that I really have no purpose and try not to invade the business of my married children. Most of my friends are still married and have lovely lives. I need to find something now to do that is uplifting and gives me a good feeling.
I tried volunteering and I get bored quick. I have tried several relationships but they didn’t work out so I think I will be single for the rest of my time. Knowing where and how to meet someone is tricky these days. I love good intellectual conversation and would rather talk with men than woman because a conversation with woman usually ends up with health or family issues. I would be very happy in a mens group if I could find one.
Anyway, here I am and this is a short peek into who and what I am. I have an abundance of energy and creativity and would love to be able to explore that more. thank you for listening!

Posted in About turning 70, Family matters, Gratitude and Spirituality, Share your story, Stories, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged | 1 Comment

Almost at the big 70

Ellyn, Age 69years and 10 mos.

Almost at the big 70. Very conscious of this forthcoming birthday.

I feel excited and in awe.

My life has evolved in very unexpected ways….

I began as a high school English teacher, married, no kids.

Currently, I am a psychologist, divorced, (many)kids, grans, nieces, nephews, sisters. All through love.

I am blessed to be in good health.

That’s the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version (and you all know what that is!).

Posted in About turning 70, Family matters, Gratitude and Spirituality | Tagged | Leave a comment