Patricia, Age 64
Hello from upstate NY. I am 64 yrs old. My husband passed away 18 months ago. I have no family here other than my daughter and her family. As much as I love them, they are very busy with their lives, and I don’t get to spend time with them anymore. My son lives in Brooklyn, NY…4 hrs away. I see him approx. 2 times a yr. I have two sisters in Maryland and one in NC. I am not happy in this house full of memories. My husband and I downsized to this home ten years ago from a neighboring town. It was to be our retirement home. That didn’t work out, as he passed one year after retirement. I don’t want to sit around and wait to die. I feel the need to move on with my life. I am putting my house up for sale in a few weeks and planning to move to NC. Of course, I am apprehensive about making such a major move at my age and leaving my immediate family behind. But I’m also excited to be moving nearer my sisters and will be able to see them more often. We do “sister trips” and it’s always been harder for me to participate because of the distance I have to travel. Another selling point is that I won’t have to endure another frigid snowy winter. I’ve hated living in NY since I got married. After my husband passed, I’ve tried getting out of the house, making new friends, and getting involved in the community. But there is not much to do in this little town. I am moving to a rental that is in my sister’s family. Renting has it’s advantages…it will give me an opportunity to see if I like the area; I can take my time and look for a house to buy. I may even rent. Either way, my next home will be one level. I’m ignoring the negative thoughts (many that have been expressed on this page) and forcing myself to think positive. To me, moving south is “going home”. I want to get to know my next to youngest sister better. I want to live in a warmer climate. And I am excited to move to a new area. Bonus: I’ll only be living 2.5 hrs from the ocean. Being lonely isn’t an issue because I’m lonely here. So either way, I need to adjust to this new chapter of my life called “Old Age”. I’ll get back to you a year from now and let you know how things are going.
I need to thank you, because my involvement with your blog has really made me think about the question, “If I have only 10-15 more years of good life, how do I want to spend those years/live those years?” I’ve pretty much been thinking about that question — or variations of it — for years (and acting too), but I’ve really been thinking about it over the past few months. (Consequently, my best friend and I are going to spend 10-14 days in Austin, TX, sometime in the fall, to see if we want to move there. My friend lived there for many years, about 20 years ago, and loved it. I’ve been looking at Austin for years. As much as I love New Mexico, I am tired of living in a Third World country — which is pretty much what NM is compared to the other 49 states — and I have no desire to return to coastal Southern CA — or anywhere in CA — which was my home for the first 57 years of my life. SO — we’re going to see about Austin! LOL)
Other than that not much has changed — still reading, still exercising, still writing, still advocating for the old and elderly, and still having some fun.
Fran
I was going to let this go — after all, your plan sounds wonderful — I wish — a little — that I was in your position — I don’t have sisters I can move close to — I don’t have sisters. 🙂 And it sounds like you have thoroughly thought out and planned your future.
I don’t know your definition of “negative comments’ but for a lot of people that means not simply agreeing with their proposal/plans and/or not ‘encouraging’ when the writer is hesitant about her plans.
While I would like to believe in “leap and The Universe will catch you” — it is not always possible (such a husband/father who wants to change careers and which would result in a dip in income — at least for the few first years — that the family could not handle). Whether we like it or not, there are always practical considerations. And for us older ones there are often even more practical considerations than for a young aged person.
There is nothing wrong with ‘cautioning’ a person who (obviously) has not taken into consideration things that absolutely should be taken into consideration before making a BIG change in her life after 65.
I wish you well in your new home. I can’t see how it can turn out but anything except great. However, if you had written that you were unhappy where you live now and wanted to move to, say, Florida, just because you think you would be happier there — I would have written some ‘negative’ comments (actually given some ‘cautions’). 🙂 Because I really care about my peers.
I think you are doing the right thing and I also think you are so lucky to have your sisters! I’m in a small town in CT, moved here 14 yrs ago and still looking for friends. Seems to be nothing but families who have lived here a long time, or single women (or widows) who already have their lifelong friends. People are “friendly” but not really interested in adding to their circles of decades-old friendships. So I think of moving somewhere warmer, where I might at least really enjoy having dogs again, and would love to live right in a small town where I could walk places. I will be so interested to hear how your move goes so please re-post along the way and let us all know! As for leaving family behind – I have learned that trying to live your life around family is useless (I moved here to be near my husband’s son, who then promptly moved overseas!). Go for it and well done!
Congratulations on taking the LEAP! This is my story too! I moved from NJ to Va back when I was 64 (12 years ago!) In spite of all my fears and insecurities along the way, it’s been a wonderful decision. Letting go of what we’re used to is tough yet there’s so much more ahead for you.
http://www.meinthemiddlewrites.com
I don’t blame you one bit. If you are going to be near your sisters I say go for it. All of the reasons you gave were legitimate. Your Son lives 4 hours away and you only see him twice a year? He can come see you in North Carolina twice a year. Of course you’ll miss your grandchildren, but as they get older you will see them less and less no matter where you live. As you get older you will need to surround yourself with people you can depend on. Your sisters are your best bet.
Live your best life, be happy and remember it’s your time now.
PS – Now, if only I could take my own advice.
I feel you are making the right decision. You have carefully considered all the options so jolly good luck
Lorraine
Sounds like a good plan to me. You will like NC. i grew up there but have lived in GA since college graduation and marriage. Good luck and tell us how it goes!
I am from rural Oklahoma, I will turn 70 in June and am feeling a slowing down I’m my energy that I really didn’t feel till now, not sick, not hurting or any thing medical, just a little slower at everything I do, not quite the mental or physical motivation I had before.
I am a happy person for the most part and am a positive person . I have noticed a difference in the amount of family inclusion in our children and grandchildren although we are pretty involved in their lives, we attend sports events etc that our children are involved in and send texts phone calls etc, our children and grandchildren are very loving people and love us dearly I just have noticed we are now considered OLD !! Ha ! So its been a slow transition for my husband and I to think of ourselves vacations etc with just us ! And learning to have a good time with just us ! I don’t think our family actually knows we and our opinions are a little less important !! It is not really a complaint at all just a different stage of life we did this to our parents I am sure, just a age difference and not needed as much with no bad intentions …. So on to learning to enjoy life and not involve it always with family ! Being the last to know things going on etc. and It’s ok just different … But life moves on and it is moving very Fast !! Really noticing change !
You are totally squared away in planning for your future happiness nearer to your sisters. Plus away from the awful northern winter!
I am reading lots of positive aging books and one called this the creative part of our lives when we actually have the time to do our own thing. What do you love; what are you passionate about?
I agree with Judy! I have lived in Massachusetts for 38 years and if something happened to my wonderful husband I would move back to the south in a fast second!
Let us know how things go!
Good for you! Don’t listen to other people. We are not all alike. Do what feels right for you. I lost my husband three years ago and I’m finally feeling comfortable being on my own. I think moving to a new town will help distract you during your grief…which I admit never goes away entirely, but we learn to live with it. Having your sisters nearby is great too! Go for it Patricia! You still have a lot of living to do!