Carol, Almost 70
My name is Carol and I live in upstate New York. I will be turning 70 June 3rd. I am bothered by it as I know I do not have a big future anymore. I am doing a lot of deep thinking and am fearful of all the negative things I have to face at my age.
I am the youngest of three sisters who were always very tight and when I lost my middle sister right on my birthday four years ago it was devastating to me. My oldest sister is ailing and is 78 years old so my future is staring me in the face every day when I see her. My husband is a smoker and he also turned 70 in April and refuses to quit. Always saying “We all have to die of something.” So I have a terrible fear of losing him because he has been my rock for 34 years and loves me dearly. I only have one daughter who is turning 50 on Sunday and a mother of a six year old, who is her first and only child. My granddaughter takes up all of my daughter’s free time so I don’t get to see her often. She had her at 43 so she is her whole life and has very little time for me.
I feel big changes in my memory, my ability to articulate, and seem to not have much motivation. I want to do so many things but it takes a lot for me to push myself to get started. I have many interests, hobbies friends, and have faith in God so all of that does help but my problem seems to be believing and living what I know. In other words I don’t feel positive about much of anything .
I know I am not depressed because I don’t have many of the seven signs and I still push forward daily, take care of myself, my home, my pets, cook for hubby every night but I feel sad allot of the time. I see the changes in my face and it bothers me as makeup doesn’t seem to do it for me anymore. I was always told I don’t look my age but I have noticed lately I finally am looking old. I do not want stay in this place but my sadness seems to linger on. I am still healthy and have many blessing to be grateful for but still sad. Alas
Feeling sad is a big difference from being depressed. I know. I feel sad at times through memories from before and trepidation of the future. I get up everyday, too afraid to stay in that bed. I have my wonderful dogs and I go to work which now everyone seems to do from their home cutting off any type of chit chat that I loved in my life at work. However, I am still hopeful that I will find a group of ladies, once maybe twice a week to have coffee with, cake, talk, laugh but until that time comes besides work I go to the library, food shopping, read uplifting books and music.
I always have compassion for the people that stand on the corners of the street begging for $1 and be glad I am not there. I have volunteered many times but not the same as having real? friends. Anyway, that is me and my story, I have anxiety, tried anti depressants (not for me) best thing for me is to keep moving and at 69 1/2 not always the easiest especially in 100 degee weather. But I am grateful, may I be healthy, may I be happy … it works
The elephant in the room is that we will have to get off the bus (of Life) at some point. It is the only nonnegotiable thing in our lives.
Looking back can be comforting or disappointing. It is what is is and was.
I am amazed at the diverse experiences of the women posting here – and the great appreciation of what they feel they have accomplished.
I was born in a culture in which I was someone’s daughter, then someone’s wife, then mother, then mother in law then grandmother and now great grandmother at 87 of three delightful children who hardly know me. My personal achievement (finally) was to be founding president of a domestic violence support group which for about six years came to the aid of women in my culture who did not know (as I learned “on the job”) how to help themselves. I wish I had the kind of sharing which appears here on this blog to have expanded it further. Role models are so important. Young women have to be exposed to accomplished role models by the time they are entering high school in order to flourish. I hope those of you who taught, mentored, supported etc have left your “fingerprints” spread all over.
one of the reasons to my starting with this blog is I wanted to know if I was alone. This was the first message I read. I was especially worried about typing (I have fixed the mistakes to hide them).
Hello Carol and Mary Lou,
I live in upstate NY now, but I lived in Alaska for the prior 16 years–so I know I don’t personally experience SAD–but many people do, and it’s exactly what I thought of, too when I read your post, Carol. When I was in AK we in the mental health field noticed that people were particularly affected by SAD in April and May–when the light is coming back, but it’s not exactly here yet. I concur about seeing a physician. I don’t like unnecessary meds, but they could give you a boost. My other thought is that you might try an exercise I love, sometimes called “Three Good Things.” Before you go to bed, write down three good things that happened on this day–small things like a tasty apple, or big things like a new grandchild. Give each a name (e.g., “Yummy Apple” or “The Birth of Abbie”). Pick one and focus on it as you fall asleep. You might even dream about it. There are many other names for this exercise, such as “Three Blessings and Sweet Dreams.” I don’t do it enough but always feel great when I remember. Maybe you will be my inspiration to do this tonight. I wish you a happy birthday and a good year.
Ellen
I am also from New York and live in Alaska now. My major problem is that I live with my son and his family. His wife is from here and they mainly do things with her sisters and brother and their family. I will be 70 this year. When I mention something I want to do, I hear “you can go anywhere you want” – meaning alone or with strangers but never with them. But once in awhile, I am included in what they are doing. I don’t like driving in Anchorage or the winter.
I want to go dogsledding with snowshoeing included in tour, sleigh riding and on a glass dome train trip. Haven’t been able to make friends since the car is only available at night and I babysit their children.
Judy, oh my–you are too young and far too vital to be so dependent. I can gauge your vitality by your desire to snowshoe and dogsled–two things I adored when I was in AK and miss a lot now. Please do yourself a favor and buy or lease a car–your independence is urgent–and public transportation is not good in Anchorage or anywhere in AK, in my opinion. It is not hard to drive in Anchorage once you get used to it. I don’t know how often you babysit, but you need time off to establish your own life. Take a snowshoeing or dogsledding class, for starters, after you get a car. I am serious about this. Might your kids be able to help you with the down payment? There are also wonderful service organizations in Anchorage that would love your help and be an opportunity to make friends–the museum, the YWCA, any of the area hospitals, and so on. I hope this is not an insensitive reply. Please let us at 70Candles know how it goes. Ellen
I wonder if Uber is now active in Alaska. If so, that might be another option for getting out and about. Jane
Carol ~ The first thing I thought of as I read your post is that when I was living in Upstate New York I had SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I’ve moved to an area where there’s more SUN and what a difference! You do have many blessings and it does sound like you’re depressed. I hope you have a primary care physician who you can talk this over with. Thanks for sharing! 🙂