Anonymous, Almost 73
I am almost 73…I have the feeling that most comments sent to you are on the positive side….But I have very negative feelings about being old….I dislike that the physical beauty I once had is gone….I dislike that I’m seen as an old person….Sometimes I forget and react to younger people as if I’m still young….But the look in their eyes reminds me that they see me as old and I feel like an idiot….I am well aware of the concept that it’s only what’s inside that counts, not outside….Of course being a good human being inside is of utmost value….But the idea that external beauty doesn’t count is a lie….The horror of it all is that it can only get worse….Unlike many diseases, there is no hope of finding a cure to this one….Plastic surgery can aid somewhat but that has its limitations as well….So often my dreams are such that I look young and socialize with young people as if I were….But I am in con tinual fear that they will find out that I’m really old.
To me it is a constant and awful reminder that I have only so many years to go and that the possiblity of changing my life and making future plans is so limited….For example, many, many years ago my husband and I took a very long and adventurous overland journey across Asia….Naturally we couldn’t see everything….So we said that we would go back at a future time….But now, because of our age, traveling like that is no longer possible.
One thing has changed….I was always terribly curious about what the world would look like in the future and very sad that I wouldn’t be around to see it….But now that curiosity has greatly diminished….Since we now know about the atrocious direction the earth is heading, I feel strangely relieved that I won’t be around when the worst happens.
The one positive thing I can say is that I still have a loving and caring husband….But he too is old and there is no way I would want to live whatever years I have left without him at my side….That is a certainty and it is of some comfort to me to accept that when he goes, I will go along with him.