In a pickle-seeking ideas

Meredith, Age, 69

In a pickle, unsure of where life is taking me. I am real estate poor, no kids, estranged from siblings and divorced for many years. Want to sell everything (hopefully) and move on with the third act and perhaps utilize my degree in counseling for “significant” employment with a small paycheck.

Have worked hard in my own business for years and should be more buttoned up – feeling the way I did when I was first starting out, struggling for good jobs and trying to find a good man. Don’t care now about the man part, just want to be safe and financially secure with a “room of my own” (virginia Woolf). Anybody been there?

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9 Responses to In a pickle-seeking ideas

  1. Laurie says:

    Have you considered a tiny house community? I know that Portland, Oregon is one of the areas in the country that has a flourishing tiny house industry going on. Prices seem very reasonable and you could just move your most precious possessions, leaving all the other stuff with maybe unhappy memories behind.

    Then maybe a new career doing something different, making new friends.
    Many other areas in the country have tiny houses as well. Best of luck.

    • noel says:

      Thank you Laurie. I like tiny houses and that is an interesting idea. Leaving unhappy memories with the possessions is a way out to get back in to life, I agree. I will look at it.

  2. noel says:

    This is a great program but I don’t know if I can muster the energy for that – it seems like it addresses a younger generation. Are you a senior?

  3. Cynthia says:

    I just read Jane and Ellen’s wonderful book. Ladies, thank you. We need a village!
    I’m 55, but often feel older, and on my good days, much younger. I’m also in a pickle. My husband and I are both retired from the military. He had a second career. When he retired the second time, it was so hard. He didn’t have any hobbies and I was used to (and loved) long stretches of time alone. Now he’s into genealogy and joined FB, connected with high school friends and more. He has a “special” woman friend. They haven’t met yet in real life but will soon when he goes on a trip. Antidepressants help him, so he doesn’t understand my despair. I swim, do yoga, walk, do charity work at home, I always have things to do here. I have lots of health issues, including PTSD, insomnia, chronic pain and debilitating migraines. I have tried so many medications, therapy, homeopathy, pain management, Botox for migraines, eating well etc. I now find it hard to leave the house due to pain and exhaustion. I have no family and really, just one friend who is 86 & an inspiration to me. I’m very unhappy in my marriage, have been for years. Guess we stay together due to lack of family, We are each other’s back up. I have been searching online for places to live. The West coast is too expensive. I don’t know that I have the strength to move out of state. Housing options for +55 are limited in my area. The cost for independent living is prohibitive. It is all scary and when I read about people falling, needing major surgery etc, I feel overwhelming despair. I’ve told my husband he’s free to leave and find happiness elsewhere. He’s tired of my tears and illnesses, even though I do more than most healthy people. I’m not religious and don’t want to live in an all ages community as I need peace and quiet. I have online knitting friends, but none of them live in my state. I didn’t expect life to be a rose garden, but didn’t expect the years to go by so quickly and with so many difficult things.
    I don’t think I’d even want to date, online dating makes me nervous. I have trust issues galore. I certainly would not get married again, I had rescue animals for most of my adult life, but my last cat died 4 years ago. I had to have 3 cats put down in one year, it was brutal. I have taken care of neighbors’ pets and homes. I looked into house and pet sitting, not for the money, just for fun, but it’s just a daydream. I was used to the regimented military life. You go where you’re told. You make the best of it, knowing you won’t be at that duty station forever. I guess I’m restless but too sick and tired to move. I often hope that my life is just a bad dream and I’ll wake up feeling better. I’m trying to not have regrets or go down memory lane. I have learned you can’t go home again, at least I couldn’t. I’d like a nice family with older kids to adopt me, I really would. I’ve always been a loner, but as I get older, it’s harder. Holidays are really difficult, I usually try to pretend it’s just another day. I’d appreciate any advice, today is a bad day and it’s one hour at a time. When I do get a couple of hours of sleep, I have bad dreams and wake up crying. And I’m thrilled when I have a day with no migraine, maybe 3 per month. I do have a good sense of humor. As mentioned here and in the book, you need that in this world. Has anyone hired a sort of part time helper? Used the Life Alert types of services? I’m afraid of being ripped off or worse. Thank you.
    P.S. My library is great, I love downloading audiobooks to my phone.

    • Bobbie says:

      Sweet Cynthia,
      Because of your PTSD, insomnia, debilitating pain, and possibly a semi-ass of a husband, your world appears to be tinted in shades of sorrow, fear, and depression. Your mental health must be looked at first. Are you happy with the mental health services you’re receiving? Are your meds working adequately for you? Your insomnia may be connected to wrong meds or wrong dosages or combinations. Are you seeing a therapist for counseling?
      I’m throwing this at you in order for you to delve more into your mental health treatment. If you’re not taking care of treating this, your husband too is suffering with you and of course it’s taking a toll on your marriage. Please don’t give up on it. You sound like you like pets, maybe helping out at an animal shelter might interest you? Do not despair, keep in steady touch with your 86 year old friend BUT you must cultivate another person or two and perhaps closer to your age so you don’t “feel old”. Blessings to you and yours.

      • Joe Wasylyk says:

        What is- a semi-ass of a husband? Don’t you think that a husband has feelings too?

        • Susanna says:

          I think what she means by a “semi-ass of a husband” is a married guy who tells his ailing wife that he will visit a female friend from his high school days who he’s rekindled a relationship with on Facebook! I think “semi-ass” is too good a description for him, frankly.

  4. Bobbie says:

    To Meredith, age 69:
    You seem to put emphasis on wanting financial security (not a bad thing) but sound unconcerned about lack of deeper relationships e.g. your estranged siblings and divorce. It might be good to take stock of what deeper relationships you have/don’t have. Maybe focus less on yourself and more on how your wonderful strengths can be used for the good of others. Don’t know about your finances but perhaps you could contact your local Senior Citizen resource folks to find out if your state, county, city, town whatever can help match you up with a part time or full time job. Feeling unanchored in life might be a way to drive you into a fuller spirit filled life i.e. finding the God of creation in a fuller way.

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