Helpful or overbearing?

Lia, 70something

A gentleman or an old codger?

An incident, which occured earlier today, has made made me ponder over the issue of what constitutes helpful versus overbearing male behaviour.

I was part of a small group of seniour men and women alighting from a small bus, after a happy day’s outing.

As I was about to negotiate the 3 or 4 steps down, a man in his 80’s, and at least 10 years my senior, having already alighted from the bus, positioned himself in the exit and grabbed hold of my hand with the intention of helping me down.  I was not asked if I needed his assistance, and being a very fit and agile woman, I found this demeaning and somewhat offensive.

In hindsight am sure he meant well, but that is not how I experienced it at the time.

Sent from my iPad

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5 Responses to Helpful or overbearing?

  1. JonnieSue says:

    Well stated, Louise.

  2. Louise says:

    This happens often to me, a very perky 71 year old. I respond with a thank you and accept the offered seat on a crowded subway or decline, depending on how far I have to travel. In most cases those who offer are young Hispanic men. It is part of their culture; they have to offer. To decline embarrasses them. Such gestures offer positive reinforcement to a younger or older generation who often fail to think beyond their own needs. This is not personal. This is societal. Say thanks and don’t be offended.

    • Lynne says:

      You are correct! I love it when these young men pop up to offer me their seat on the subway. I always thank them profusely. I’m “only” 71 but sitting feels better than standing on a lurching train. I always hope that the non-minority young folks not offering seats, or worse, beating the seniors for a seat, will see and learn.

  3. Prudy says:

    Appreciate this well-intentioned kindness. This thoughtful man is trying to be a gentleman. His feelings are important too. Peace my peer! We no longer need to trouble our pretty heads with the small stuff. His chivalry would have and should have been appreciated at any age.

    • JonnieSue says:

      I agree 🙂 and here in the South, we still love it when a gentleman (age 6 to 86+) holds the door for us.. and I often receive a pleasant smile of surprise on the gentleman’s face when I say, “Thank you, Sir.”

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