Do men feel differently about aging?

Cathy, Age 63

Hi – I’ve been reading the stories – preparing myself for my 70s. I am inspired by the many vibrant, energetic, resourceful women here, and hope that when as I grow older I will share the same philosophies.

My husband is 73 – so I am seeing through him, some of the things mentioned here. But not as positively. He seems to think that his life is over. He stopped playing golf because he can’t play as well, and doesn’t do as much physically as he used to, although he could – he’s physically capable, just chooses not to. We live on 30 acres and have a small fruit farm which he has all but abandoned (leaving me to do the the work). Talks about moving into an apartment, which I know I couldn’t stand.

It’s too bad – I can’t convince him that he still has a lot of living to do and to coax him out of his funk.

Funny the way some people can deal with age while others just can’t cope.

Reading these stories and seeing him is teaching me a lot about preparing myself for my 70s and beyond.

Thank you!

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5 Responses to Do men feel differently about aging?

  1. Cindy Carlburg says:

    Cathy, I can identify with your comments. When my husband turned 74 last December, his main activity became going to the doctor for every ache and pain he experienced. He gave up his volunteering at the local golf course and at the hospital. He even seems to have lost touch socializing with his friends. He continues to play golf, once a week with his senior group; however, the rest of the time he’s in front of the tv watching baseball or golf. I will turn 70 in January and have made it a point to remain active every day. Whether golfing, Jazzercise classes, yoga, joining new women’ clubs, or organizing social activities with friends. In fact, I just formed a Meetup for Women Who are Too Young to be 70.

    I am trying to get him out of his funk, by creating social activities with friends that he can participate in. And sometimes just nagging!

    Thank you for letting me know, I am not alone.

  2. Mary Lou says:

    “Funny the way some people can deal with age while others just can’t cope.”
    I don’t think it’s a man vs woman thing. We all go through slumps at different ages. It’s up to each of us to find our way through this life we’re given. I have an 80 year-old friend and he’s an inspiration to me. I love him for that. He gives me my space to find my way and I give him that space too.

  3. Camille Ludlow says:

    Cathy, I identify with you.

    There is a slightly more than ten year difference between me and my husband. I am 68, he is 79. He has slowed down a lot due to various physical ailments; back pain, knee pain, diabetes. I never know if his unwillingness to be more active is due to physical pain or laziness. He is not depressed as far as I can tell.

    What seems to energize him are day trips, seeing buddies for breakfast, which he does every day, and socializing over lunch or dinner.
    Also every year we take a trip to see children, grandchildren and old friends, and though it’s exhausting it’s well worth it in terms of being connected to our family. All of this takes planning and having something to look forward to also helps.

    I’m encouraging him to start going back to the gym for a modified workout to help him stay active. Whether he will remains to be seen, but he says he wants to.
    We’ll see.

    In the meantime, I DO go to the gym, keep busy volunteering and seeing friends. Taking care of myself is my priority and I am trying to be a good example for him, without nagging or controlling. Hard to do.

    Best wishes to you,

  4. Gen says:

    I need to go to bed so I can’t read everything but I will be 70. I do have an illness that no one can see, you wouldn’t know it by looking at me, I am told that I have a 70% chance of living somewhere around 4 – 5 years. Anyway, that said, my very first clue was to be tired all of the time – just exhausted beyond belief, I honestly thought that I was depressed, there was enough to deal with in my life and then I convinced myself that it was just getting old. The age of 63 and 70 has changed me from being very active to having to push myself to do anything and then I pay for it with a lot of pain. What I’m saying is – your husband probably is a lot like me and men do not like to go to the doctor. But then – what to do about it? Well for me, it’s sleep, sleep, sleep and maybe I’ll get a good 12 hours out of it and then maybe I’ll get my nights and days mixed up like I’m doing right now at 2:00 AM. I am on line looking for things to work with jewelry – one of the few things that I can do. I do have a business but it has dwindled, probably more reasons than I want to know about – mostly because the perception of others towards me has changed. But this all to say to see if you can get him to get a good physical, find out what’s really going on because I’m betting that he’s sick and doesn’t want to know but maybe he can be helped? But I’m also betting that it’s not at all just attitude!

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