Jan, Age 77
I am a widow for the 2nd time. First husband died of heart problems after we were married 25 years. We had a wonderful life did everything together. Ten years after he died I remarried a widower who had been married to a dear friend of mine. We had 10 years together and he died of renal failure. We traveled a lot and even spent 8 mos. out of the year on our boat.
I live alone now and in some ways enjoy it. I have a comfortable home, got a drivers license at age 72 (first one) and have enough money to last me the rest of my life if I am careful. I had a hired girl who I loved like a daughter. Anything she wanted I bought for her. She was always there when I needed to see a doctor or drive anywhere after dark. A few months after I lost my last husband I began having constant AFIBs. I went to the hospital for treatment and was put on a drug which apparently I was allergic to because a week after I came home I didn’t feel right so went to a local hospital. The next morning around 1am I suffered cardiac arrest. Was resuscitated and after several weeks came home with a ICD/ Pacemaker in me.
The only family I have is a stepdaughter who travels a lot both here and abroad. She had asked my hired girl to be my next of kin..the one to notify concerning my medical life and notify her. The girl agreed. I had paid for my funeral and she had all of that info., along with other things that would needed to be done if I was unable to take care of them. The week before Thanksgiving 2017 she quit and was very hurtful…not sure why but think it was because I asked her not to use any damp products on the furniture. I had, and found out it was damaging.
I have no family and although I have many friends (school and college friends, etc) I have few here. In the last month I have had 2 pass and another is in bad shape. Since, I keep thinking am I going to die here all alone.
People here are not very friendly. After my husband died many came here (nearly daily) and wanted things…his clothing, tools, furniture, loans (never paid back) and after I told one of the biggest gossips I was going to sign up for Food Stamps (I lied), no one comes…well except for those I pay for yard work, plumbing, snow shoveling etc., all men. I do have 1 friend nearby but she is a doctor and works long hours. She is up early and when she can, goes to bed early so we only do things maybe only once a month in the winter.
I love to eat out in fine restaurants, enjoy day trips etc. and can pay for it and for another. I’d starve before I’d eat out by myself. Also enjoy the conversation of a man but here there are no men of worth. Either too young, looking for someone to take care of them, or are only interested in using a woman for just sex.
Any ideas how I can rid myself of these feelings and enjoy my single life?