Bonnie, Age 70
I have fought depression all my life and have been on meds for about ten years which has helped. But my seventieth birthday really turned an off switch in my head. My mom, who is 95 does extremely better than me. Her attitude is upbeat and although she doesn’t get out much except when I take her on weekly jaunts, she occupies herself with puzzles, etc. But nothing interests me. I have tried to find a mate unsuccessfully on dating sites and group outings, but I remain extremely lonesome. I do activities as movies, dinners with my gal friends about once a week which I enjoy, and I volunteer two full days a week. But the other times drag on unmercifully. I feel that if I had someone in my life it would really help, even though I know you ‘have to find happiness within yourself’…but obviously, that hasn’t worked for me. So I’d like to know if anyone else is in the same boat? I’m doing everything right, but still alw ays sad and on verge of tears. (Increasing meds didn’t help)
Bonnie,
Your life seems full to me. My depression comes from not having anywhere to go, having no friends, and living with a spouse who has suffered two heart attacks so he has no desire to go. I experience constant bad memories of my past life. I would like to change my thinking; would like to stop remembering. I was abused as a child so that I hated my mother. I eloped at the age of 15 to escape my home life and ended up married to a man who became not only abusive, but alcoholic. When he abused my daughter I divorced him, but I had five children to support alone.
Again I married the first man that came along because I needed help with the children. My new husband was a mistake, but I was afraid to admit my error. It was like adding another dependent so that I now had six children instead of five. I was working when we married, and every time we moved he would ask the same question…”Do I have to work now?” I wondered if he married me to support him. At least it seemed I was more of a mother to him than a wife.
So here I am fifty years later and still married to the same man whom I dislike very much. I try to keep my thoughts uplifting but certainly looking to the past is depressing. I am an artist, and only when I fill my days with my art do I find happiness. I spend too much time on the internet searching for friends. I look forward to the day I will be a widow and can go places and do things on my own. When I can clean out the closets, dispose of certain things, and redecorate my home. Only by looking forward can depression be beat. Certainly looking back is to be avoided at all costs.
Anonymous (July 2, 2015; 8:11 AM)
What I don’t understand is why you can’t do the things you want to do now even though your husband doesn’t want to participate. What is keeping you from doing these things? Is your husband preventing you from cleaning out your closets, etc., and if, why? Instead of wasting your time online looking for friends why don’t you join a Seniors’ Group or volunteer at a local Hospital or Retirement Community? You stated you were an Artist. I’m sure if you volunteered at a Hospital or Retirement Community, they would be very receptive to you giving very generic Art Lessons to their Communities. Apparently, if you want to redecorate your house, you have the means to begin doing things that could help with your depression. What is holding you back? You stated you had 5 children. I’m sure you have grandchildren…do you spend time with your children and grandchildren, and if not, why? I think you are looking for someone to solve your problems instead of you solving them yourself.
There are so many things for us Seniors to do….we just WANT to do them.
I really do wish you the happiness we all deserve at this stage of our lives but only YOU can make yourself happy and content with your life.
Bonnie,
Is anyone else in the same boat? Yes! Every smart, funny, attractive, responsible, hard-working, kind, generous, independent, successful woman I know and love spends a lot of time paddling her emotional canoe through the deep waters of depression. Fortunately there are some bright moments. Perhaps even more important, many of us will tell you the truth about our days instead of politely saying everything is fine when often it isn’t. That said, I don’t think it’s time for any of us to give up. We are all in this together, even if it is only on the printed page, and I believe we can find more peace and joy in our lives.