Trying to understand

Phyllis, Age 70

I began my turn at 69 though I did not know it at the time it was happening. And for nearly 2 years now I have been browsing over my experiences living from childhood to now, trying to understand on a very deep level the choices I made, what I have done and how I got here. It is almost as if I am rebuilding my foundation. I began autobiographical writing, and then stories based on my experiences, started looking for my long lost meaningful friends. I became a self-published author and archived all my writings. That was hard enough but the hardest part was watching the women my own age timing themselves out and settling, while I feel I am just getting warmed up.

Suddenly I realized that I don’t fit into the society immediately around me, and I accept that as part of my new life path. I had to stop doing what no longer serves me and distance myself from the negative influences of those aging around me who are not optimistic, living out their same story, only talking about medications, doctors, pains and getting old. With those people out of my social life now I find myself wondering where my tribe is, who my people are. I spend a lot of time alone, writing, reading and loving it. It is better than the alternative of trying to relate to negativity and patronization about age. I look forward to what will be new and wonderful, what will move my heart and what will bring tears of joy to my eyes. I have no time for sorrow about getting older. I am merely doing it and trying to love it deeply as I go.

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