Jane Hallowell, Almost 72
I tend to freak out when I am creating something. My recent pottery class — case in point.
I just started a six-week hand-building session this past spring at almost age 72 after not doing any pottery for the past 20 years. The class was a small one of five students, three of whom had been taking with this same teacher for the past several years. The other was a woman from India, an engineer, in her 30s, who had never done pottery before.
And what a difference these past 20 years has made for me! Just to wedge the clay alone to get out all the air bubbles took strength that I no longer had. Also, the table wasn’t low enough. Trying to get the right angle to knead the clay is extremely difficult when the table is too high. In fact, this was so strenuous, I took a 1.5 hour nap when I got home after that first class.
Anyway, the reason why I decided to go back to pottery was because I wanted a nice container to house my Dad’s ashes. He had donated his body to science when he died, and a couple of years after he passed, they were returned to me in a depressing-looking box.
I looked online for an urn that I thought my Dad might like, but they all looked so “urn-like.” They were also as costly as $350, and I know Dad would not have been happy to spend so much money, frugal Thoreauvian that he was.
Dad used to love the crazy things I had made out of pottery in years past, so I thought I would make the urn/container myself.
I found an example online that I wanted to use as a prototype. My pottery teacher liked it so much, she chose it as the project for the class. My three seasoned classmates chose different projects to work on, and the engineer and I were the only students who decided to make this piece.
I soon discovered that I had a really hard time processing the detailed instructions for assembling the clay sections. The engineer grasped everything instantly. I was faced with facing the fact that not only had I aged physically, was I aging mentally as well? The freak-out process had started. In fact, during the six-week class session, I was only able to make this one piece, yet the engineer made many others. And she had never even taken pottery before! Not to mention…her pieces looked so precise, and mine looked rough, clumsy, and crude.
The last session where we were glazing our creations was just about the last straw. I had “thrown” my back out during the past week and was struggling in pain. The teacher forgot to have me glaze my piece the color I had requested, and so I just accepted another color she had out and available. Every little movement involved pain because of my back. I was feeling like a demented, useless elderly person.
Needless to say, I left class that day feeling really down and like a total loser.
Thankfully, my back got better, and was fine by the next week’s session. I went to pick up my finished piece, and lo and behold, it turned out beautifully. Granted, it was crude, which I like, but it expressed passion. All the love I put into it was reflected in the final product. And I noticed that the engineer’s pieces weren’t any more special than mine after all…not to mention the fact that the trivets she made had warped in the kiln.
I am using this first piece to store my Nespresso coffee pods. This was the practice piece anyway.
The final piece, engraved with my Dad’s initials and dates, is waiting to be glazed. I sure hope it expresses even more passion than what I just made.
The bottom line is that what started out to be a challenging situation and my feeling so bad and incompetent resulted in something surprisingly positive and exuding in love.
The message? If you become frustrated and upset while creating something in old age, don’t get sucked into negative thinking. Sit back and enjoy the ride, no matter how bumpy along the way. You just may be surprised at the outcome.
Your story was inspiring to me. I am finding, as I age, a loss of walking dexterity. I am noticing this more and more with other people as I go grocery shopping. The trick, of course, is to remain active. Easier said than done, but I am trying to.
I notice this, too, when I walk. I have two pugs, and recently, they literally pulled me over, and I went flying and whacked my knee. I’m recovering from Covid, actually it’s been for the past eight weeks, and am slowly getting back to increasing exercise — more walking and swimming laps at the local Y. I hope this will help. At the same time I’m finding I have to listen to my body and not push. When the energy is there, it’s wonderful. And when it’s not, I have to accept it. And sometimes I find myself dozing off during the afternoons. It makes us think, “how did this happen to me?” Thank you for your thoughtful response. ❤️
Oh Jane…
Could not have come at a better time. I’m working on a project..and I can see I don’t have it targeted as much as I like to…something I could more easily do when I was a young chick..thought I still consider myself a chick at 73 :). …..Again….today was perfect day to read your words of encouragement. So eager to get back to work tomorrow morning as I am AM woman. Much love to you Jane and be good to yourself
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Theresa. Good luck on your project. Yes, being good to myself is often hard to do. We certainly all need to be good to ourselves. Words of wisdom.
Much love back…
What a loving creative idea . Your father must be smiling down on You. You gave me food for thought. I opted for cremation. I will be getting in touch with my local pottery store. I will be making one for me.
I’m so glad to hear this and hope that you will be able to make a beautiful container yourself.
Best wishes,
Jane
This is really a lovely story. I am a pianist who recently had a stroke and am still struggling to get back some of the dexterity and coordination that once came so easily. I found this quote from Itzak Perlman which I love, ” sometimes the artist’s task is to find out how much music you can make with what you have left.” I’m still trying! Good luck!!
It took me this long to figure out you had responded to my post. Duh. I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles. I actually majored in music in college with a minor in piano performance. I didn’t end up pursuing performing because my stage fright was unbearable. It’s so hard to be dealing with loss of strength, coordination, and mental dexterity as it is. I can’t imagine what you are coping with after having had a stroke. My heart goes out to you.
Jane
Thanks, Jane. I’m still enjoying making music, albeit at a different level than before. Slow movements are great!
Oh, that’s wonderful you’re still able to play the slow movements. I always found them to be more challenging when it came to expressing the music…and sustaining the phrasing over a longer period of time compared to when you’re playing fast with lots of ff chords or arpeggios. So this is good. You will have the joy of this experience. You can go even deeper.
All I can say is bravo’ You proved to yourself that life goes on and we do too.
I hope someday I can say I did it and “I enjoyed the journey as well as my naps.”
Carry On!!!
Oh yes, I am 74 1/2 and work and am Still looking for “Creative Outlet”
Maybe Oracle Cards , that seems painless!
It’s a constant struggle, believe me. I’m discovering as I get older that I am much more competitive than I ever realized. Hmmmm… Oracle cards…I never thought of that. Let me know if you ever explore that creative outlet.
Jane
Love this!
Thanks so much!
Jane