Jane Hallowell, Age 72
I had breakthrough Covid eight weeks ago and still find myself dozing on and off during the afternoon. But two things happened to me yesterday that made me question whether or not they were Covid- or age-related brain fog.
After one of many catnaps, I opened the refrigerator and promptly dropped a glass jar of milk that shattered all over the floor. I don’t even know how it happened, it happened so fast.
As if this weren’t enough, I had received a questionable-looking link from a friend on Messenger. If I had been in my normal state of mind, I would never have opened it. But being in a semi sleep fog (not to mention being addicted to checking messages as they come in), I did. Not only that, I typed in my email address and google password to boot to try and open the link.
After a few minutes, I came to and realized that this was just about the stupidest thing I could have ever done, and so I changed my passwords for my email and facebook accounts. Later in the day, my son helped me check the security features on both accounts. Everything looked to be OK. We shall see down the road if any problems arise. But what made this situation worse than getting hacked was how impatient my son was with me. The more impatient he got, the more I couldn’t follow his instructions. (My brain freezes when I sense anyone is frustrated with me.)
I don’t blame him for being so exasperated. I used to go nuts sometimes dealing with my grandmother and my father and all their senior shenanigans — much as I loved them dearly. I guess it’s my turn now to be the elderly dork. What goes around comes around.
And please don’t think my son is always short-tempered. He has been supportive and has helped me tremendously over the years in so many ways. In fact, not many people have as devoted a son as he has been to me.
What makes all of the above so especially unsettling is that today marks one year that I moved to my own place closer to my son and grandchildren because my partner of 12 years asked me to move out. We had what I would call a “Covid fight.” After having been closed up in the house for a year together, he simply blew up.
So, I left.
It was actually a good thing because the relationship was toxic. Believe it or not, I have never been so happy to have been thrown out, strange as this must sound.
And here I am one year older and getting older day-by-day, and especially after what happened with the Messenger hack, I feel out of sorts. Us elderly folk can be downright frustrating to deal with. And try as we might, we just can’t behave the perfect way we think we should. It’s actually an opportunity for growth as we navigate unfamiliar territory and gradually reach the end of the road. We will all have to face it eventually. But how do we cope with this final stage of life in the meantime as the house of cards gradually collapses?
I struggle every day now to try and figure this out.
This is the first time I’ve taken the time to really focus on comments. I’m so grateful to those who have shared. There should be a how to book for those of is in this age group who are castigating themselves for not being able to multitask, for needing unplanned naps during the day, for taking longer than usual to remember great grandchildren’s names in this time of more unusual the better. And ditto for dropping things, for frequent falls after a simple door threshold proves to be too high. What a surprise after many decades of being in control, being the planner, still doing college courses at home. I’m so grateful for the kind and helpful comments!
Hi, Jane. I am 86 years old. Over the years I have found acceptance a big help. Accept what you can’t accept. I have also tried to use mindfulness to get through the day. Having said that, the past few years have been a challenge. Husband had hip replacement surgery and two years later fell and broke same hip. Lived sleeping
in our library on an air bed for a month then to rehab. I had a urinary tract infection undiagnosed for two months and was very sick. 30% of UTIs occur in women over 85 according to Harvard Health Letter. Am now well but not as strong as I would like. PS I have a wonderful son who is a computer genius and gets impatient with his slow witted parents.
Sending you heartfelt good wishes for health and peace.
Hi Jane,
I’m going to be 80 in February. This past year and a half of COVID-19 has me feeling it more. Everything you mentioned; brain fog, dozing when I sit to read a book, dropping things unexpectedly. I’m going to mention this to my primary care doctor at next weeks appointment. There could be many things involved; I do have carpal tunnel in both wrists, I use a CPAP for severe sleep apnea. I’m also thinking mild depression. Like you I just lost a very close friendship with a man, only through death. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve all be through a lot lately. There’s a lot of grief and loss.
Hi, Mary Lou,
I loved hearing from you. Thank you for writing. I hear, “don’t be too hard on ourself,” a lot.
Also, your blog is so special. I find that writing is very therapeutic, and I imagine you do as well. And a very talented artist, to boot! ❤️ Jane
Thanks Jane! My blogging and art work help to make solitude through this pandemic a bit more hopeful. And , yes, I’ve been told I’m too hard on myself too!.
Hi Jane,
So glad you wrote in here. I think it’s obvious that most of us identify with your struggles, and that, in identifying with them, we feel less alone and – actually normal!
I have just turned 70 and have dropped several things (like water glasses or other semi-lightweight item) on a fairly regular basis. Part of that is due to, I think, perhaps losing a little sensation in my hands. It shook me up at first, but all “firsts” in the aging process do that to me. After some time, I started accepting that my body is not quite the same smooth-running machine as I’d had in the past.
With regard to “brain fog:” everyone has it it to some extent. I know it’s unnerving. I don’t operate well at all when I’m tired: some of my more sophisticated brain systems go lazy, probably to conserve energy. What does that mean? For me, it’s an indicator to slow down, lower unrealistic expectations (whatever they may be), and be very kind to myself. Treat myself even!
Thanks for sharing your experience. All the messages here are lines of great support.
Thank you, Eileen, for your supportive words. Yes, in this decade it’s all about acceptance. We always have so much to learn. ❤️ Jane
At 76 I made mistakes. But guess what, I was making mistakes at 26, and 36…you get my drift.
My husband’s grandmere summed it up best: People say that Uncle Charlie talks too much because he’s old. Charlie always talked too much!
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
❤️
Jane
Jane I appreciate your directness,honesty and your self assessment. I have the experience of losing my train of thought. It is a sign of…… It is as if I interrupt my self and then can’t remember that “simple” thing I was doing……But……Find more ways to have FUN, FUN, FUN Who can figure what life holds ? Party Girl .
Thanks, Julia. I’m all for partying and having fun. I appreciate positive responses such as yours. Thank you! ❤️ Jane
Try to enjoy each day on its own merit. They fly by fast as it is. Remember to laugh,laughter is good for the soul. With a smile and an ability to enjoy each day you will get by.
Jan
Thanks, Jan, you are right!
❤️
Jane Hallowell
Such helpful words of wisdom. Thank you. It’s true. The younger generation can’t possibly understand what we are going through. I think back to when I was that age, and I certainly didn’t have a clue. ❤️ Jane
I just discovered this site, and I love your comments. It’s true, no matter how well-intentioned, the younger generation cannot understand what this aging is like. I am grateful to have found this site.
Let’s continue to support each other and get the most out of each day.
Hi, Diane,
It’s the same as having kids. You don’t know what it’s like until you have them. Or for any experience, really. I sure as heck didn’t have a clue when I was younger. I was so wrapped up then in myself. I’m so glad for this blog because it certainly gives us a venue to support one another.
❤️ Jane
Hi Jane my name is Patricia I am 74 1/2 years old I worried about brain fog for a long time it is when your body gets tired , anxious and possibly some medication
I have always been an anxious person and performance anxiety has always been a problem you have been through a lot and I’m happy that you are happy with your new situation I know I would be. Please give yourself some kindness I know that many people do things with brain fog or when they were frustrated or when they feel afraid I can’t even tell you the many things that I’ve done
Give yourself a chance you have been through so much nerves get tense muscles tighten and brain fog is right there. Don’t worry you’re just a youngster beginning older age.
Thanks for the kind words. I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s so important to give ourselves a chance and also some kindness. I hear this again and again. Maybe I really need to figure out how to do this better. ❤️
Jane
“behave the perfect way we think we should”? One of the things I enjoy about this stage of life is that there is not, nor was there ever a perfect way to behave. We’ve examined all the constraints society has put upon up, all the limitations that we bought into. We can also examine the various stages of human growth. Maybe if we would release our own frustrations with ourselves others might as well. I often say, “what’s the rush”?
We age as we have lived. Now that is something to think about. Susan
I appreciate your thoughtful response. The comment I made goes much deeper. Maybe one of these days I should elaborate. ❤️ Jane
Jane, I hope you elaborate. I’ve thought a lot about your comment.
What else would you like us to know?
Jane, I understand completely. I’m 74 and am doing things that make me say “Why did I do that?”. I know better. But, maybe I did know better in the past but apparently not now. I do have arthritis in my hands so I’m dropping things all the time with no reflex to “catch them”.
My husband and I have been married for 50 years but he prefers to live “in the past” than deal with TODAY. I’m not someone who nags but from his comments I gathered there was no way he was going to get the Covid shots. I waited awhile but eventually received them last Spring. About 2 weeks ago I believe my husband started with symptoms of Covid. He couldn’t figure out why he was so sleepy, lost his taste and smell senses and coughed constantly. I believe I had some breakthrough symptoms but nothing severe and they didn’t last long. Our neighbor talked to him and convinced him to go get the shots. Now he’s telling everyone that our neighbor “saved his life”!! Excuse me–I thought I was being nice not nagging him!! Wrong.
Life goes on but every day is more of a challenge when you are on the down slide of life. You just have to do your best, Trust in God and take each day as it comes.
Your husband is lucky he got off so easily with Covid, and I’m glad your breakthrough case wasn’t serious. Thank you for your thoughtful response. Yes, we simply have to do our best. There’s always so much to learn with each stage of life. ❤️ Jane
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time. Instead of thinking of the house of cards collapsing, maybe you could think of a different house – we can’t expect the same things of ourselves as we used to. I’m very careful to limit the nunber of things I do and people I see each day. Too much stimulation gives me brain fog and I don’t trust my reactions. I hope this helps. As for your son, I have only daughters, but I expect very little from them. They have their own lives and can’t possibly understand what I’m experiencing.
Dear Evelyn,
Thank you for your response to Jane. It really hit close to home with me, especially the part about limiting myself to the things that I do and the number of people that I see each day and how that effects me. I also only have daughters and expect very little from them as they are busy with career and family.
It meant a lot knowing that someone else out there is going through such similar life changes. Again, thank you for sharing.
Hi, Evelyn,
Such helpful words of wisdom. Thank you. It’s true. The younger generation can’t possibly understand what we are going through. I think back to when I was that age, and I certainly didn’t have a clue. ❤️ Jane