Mary, Age 70
I always thought that at this age I’d be “settled.” Nothing could be further from the truth. No relationship, my business is struggling and I worry way too much which I know is bad for one’s health. On the other hand, I am so fortunate! I have two wonderful children and four grandchildren and they are all healthy. My daughter had breast cancer two years ago and is now cancer free. Fortunately my business was doing well while all that was going on. I live in Oklahoma. The oil business has been in the toilet and so my business has been in the toilet too. However, all in all life is ptetty good. My heart breaks when I think about all the Syrian children and so many displaced people who just want a roof over their heads and food in their tummies. How can I possibly complain? I just wish I had more girlfriends.
Dear Mary,
I’m so sorry that you are going through a rough patch and at the same time able to appreciate the blessings (your daughter’s health, grandchildren) you now enjoy. We’re human; we need to acknowledge our pain, feel it and get through it – WITHOUT feeling guilty (a useless emotion.) Pain is pain. It’s so nice that Patricia, Diana and Heidi wrote back to support you – ALL sharing the “common denominator” of LONGING for the girlfriend (or any friend!) with whom to share the good and bad of our daily lives. I know what you guys are talking about it and can only share what has worked for ME until now: Self-reliance and Self-care. Let me explain…
I will be 72 at the end of August and just marked my 9th year of living in Boston after a lifetime in Santa Monica, CA where I was a successful PR pro with my own T.V. show. Life happened, reversal of fortune ensued, I had a stress heart attack and upon “recovery” reviewed my options and Bucket List. I love cold weather and winter clothes so I moved to Boston, leaving family, friends and a life behind. All was gone, especially the “fortune” part but I’m still the same person – and so much better – in many, many ways: more grateful, wiser – and more self-than ever, except for my unshakable faith in my Maker, for sure.
What I would share with my sisters is this: Take care of YOURSELF first and foremost, so that you can take care of others, if that is your wish or “mission.” It’s imperative that you honor your mind, body and health. Get professional help if you need support and/or a guiding hand. It’s private and confidential.
Do something to improve your MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT every day: read, EXERCISE and nourish your soul with whatever fills YOUR spirit. I meditate, do Yoga/Pilates/swim and do everything you can possibly do at my “Temple”: the gym, which I attend most every day. I eat 100% healthfully and take care of my BODY TEMPLE with facials, mani/pedis and great hair cut and color: ALL ON A BUDGET – and with the exception of the hair, I do myself. I’m told I look a lot younger still weighing what I did in high school and not dressing like an old lady while appropriately for my age. It works: IF you do it and are willing to put in the effort and the work. WE MUST TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES first and foremost: we are what we THINK, EAT AND READ. We, as women, are SHAPERS of human beings – generations to come! What message are WE putting forth?
I encourage you, dear friends, to begin by taking care of yourselves and seeking help, if you must. And, once you BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND, go out and BE a friend to others. That’s the way it works…
In case you are wondering, I’m doing great with my heart and just got over a YEAR-LONG “challenge” with my vocal chords because of a major SIDE-EFFECT of LISINOPRIL (my own research and discovery), a blood pressure poison to the vocal chords. I nearly lost my voice, have been in incredible pain but as the medication gets out of my system and I do my exercises, I’m beginning to feel better. I’ve had an entire YEAR to ponder and further appreciate the blessing of health. To be in constant pain (took them forever to agree with my own diagnosis), not be able to talk (no more singing) and now RATION my voice, has been a blessing in disguise: I’m humbler, more grateful and hopefully a better person than before: I’ve learned a lot, especially:
HEALTH IS EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!
Take care of yourself: If you’re depressed, get help. If you’re overweight, get disciplined, off your duff and lose the fat. If you don’t like your looks, FIX’em! Remember that while beauty may come from “within,” outer looks don’t hurt! Drink lots of water and don’t forget to say, ‘THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND THANK YOU” while you become the TERRIFIC woman I know you are!
Mary, I suppose that we all hoped that when we got old that there would be no rough patches. But they’re still there! I sincerely hope that you get through this one soon.
I, too, miss my friends from the past. And the laughing silly conversations and the emotion-charged moments that only women seem to know how to share. But perhaps we’re just in another rough patch here too, and with time and luck and effort on our parts, we’ll get through this one too.
Know that you are not alone.
Mary and Diana, it seems that at this stage in my life it is hard to find a real friend, someone who has the same sense of humor and is good to talk to and do things with. I had such a friend, but she has been gone for a while now. I feel that things seem to get harder emotionally as I am looking at my age, watching my wrinkles and more doctor visits, the things I need to do, not always having the energy to do all I want to do, and so on. I do love being retired and having a choice every morning as to how I want to spend the day. I still have fairly good health and that is important. All in all, what is now is what it is supposed to be.
Hi Mary,
I had to laugh. You wish you had more girlfriends. I wish I
Had one real girlfriend – one that lives close by that I could share a cup of coffee Or tea. But I don’t, that is why I love 70Candles.
I always think everyone is “Settled” and only I worry (a lot), and it is bad to do that, but we are only human. The world is a mess and that makes every little thing seem so much worse.
Good news about your daughter. Please know I am out here Unsettled and Worrying too! Let’s enjoy the fact that we met this way and can empathize.
My only wish is to have more energy – that would be so cool.