On turning seventy five

Judi Meirowitz Tischler, Almost 75

As my seventy fifth birthday approaches I have begun to collect resolutions.
The first is to never again drive from my home in Boston to New York City, the city where I was born and raised, and where my daughter, son in law and three of my eight grandchildren live. I will take Amtrak and only sit in the quiet car. The goal is to arrive relaxed.

The second is to never again attempt to resolve a consumer dispute on my phone if it requires more than one input of typed information.The keys are too small and my fingers are too stiff and clumsy. Contributing to this decision has been noting that many of these attempts have resulted in mistakes and re-dos.
I have also resolved not to stay on -hold for more than fifteen minutes at one sitting. This is especially the case if I suspect that only one of the parties to the conversation is an actual human being who is becoming exasperated

The To-Do resolutions also relate to time management and mood.
My weekly calendar will be built around at least one social outing, perhaps a lunch date with a friend, or a bit more challenging, with an acquaintance who has new- friend potential. This would result in a tasty midday meal, something I have neglected in my retirement, accompanied by conversation about provocative, gossipy or steamy subjects. These categories frequently overlap.

My resolutions also include scheduled catch-up phone calls with close friends who do not live nearby. These are people with whom the ties are so tight that no formalities are needed beyond arranging for uninterrupted time together via an old-fashioned telephone call, feet up on a pillow or under our respective covers reminiscent of childhood sleepovers.

Although I relish my daily walk in the woods, or in slippery or wet weather on the neighborhood sidewalks, I prefer these to be solo, at my own pace with my own musings. Talking and walking, ever since developing hearing loss, requires too much straining and ‘What did you say?” to be enjoyable.

With my career in the rearview mirror, I have embraced volunteer activities and participation in groups devoted to community involvement and intellectual growth. These undertakings require a kind of time management not structured around child rearing or career advancement and bring the added reward of new relationships and perspectives, and broader destinations.

Of course there are the household chores, cleaning and tidying, grocery shopping and resultant cooking, and interactions with my spouse. These have a rhythm and language of their own and hopefully have developed a plasticity to adapt to the changing me.

What has brought this on?
My early 70’s have contained much personal loss. More than a few of my friends and relatives have passed away. There have been hospital visits, funerals and reconfigured relationships. I know that there is more ahead, some filled with great pain and adjustments. I have been feeling a need to carefully prioritize people over the other things that can fill up time and deplete energy. I have not easily become fluent in the language of technology as the functioning connector between people and between people and tasks. I have lost the spontaneity of picking up the phone and calling someone. Should I call or text or email or whatsapp or… ? This past year, I received many holiday cards through the mail. Not one was from a friend or acquaintance. Each was from a charitable organization to whom I had contributed money. Many had future donation cards enclosed. What has happened to the personal missive, signature, envelope and stamp, and the lingering memento to put on the fridge or bookshelf?

Clearly, it is not aging alone that has stimulated these resolutions. The world is a mess. I feel at a loss to affect significant changes beyond small personal decisions. Is this enough to feel activated as I greet my upcoming birthday? I am confident that it is.