Amy Bryant, Age 81
Like many of you in the 70Candles generation, I grew up in an era of certainty. Graduate from high school, and college (if affordable), get married, be capable of working (but preferably spend several years as a stay-at-home mom), get a fulfilling job once the kids are older, relax into retirement, and live happily ever after. With the exception of heart attack, cancer or stroke, which we didn’t plan, but were not unheard of, if we played by the rules of our families, our religions, and our society, we pretty much controlled our own destiny.
Enter Covid-19, an outside enemy who didn’t care about our rules, let alone our plans; and who struck without warning, sparing no cultural group and ultimately, no age group. We 70 candle ladies (plus those of us who have graduated into 80 candles), were suddenly at risk. At any moment, we could breathe in the little covid monsters, end up on a ventilator, and perhaps die without warning.
We listened to the experts, wore masks, stayed away from crowds, stopped traveling, and the only restaurants we frequented had outdoor seating. We followed the experts who, themselves were caught up in a learning curve, so their advice shifted from time to time. All this added up to something our generation was unprepared for: uncertainty.
Can we attend our grandson’s bar mitzvah? Is it safe to go to our granddaughter’s first communion? Is it even ok to hug and kiss our grandkids?
We vaccinate to save our lives, and the lives of our loved ones, but how safe are we with breakthroughs overriding vaccinations, not to mention new strains? As the pandemic has lingered, I notice that telephone visits with friends in my age group have shifted. What used to be an interchange of the good things in our lives, now focuses on long drawn-out descriptions of physical complaints, followed by the doom of covid or politics.
Uncertainty is new for our generation, but many of us are descendants of people who lived through, and survived uncertainty, be it the slave ships, the Holocaust, or abject poverty in their homelands that they fled.
I’ve made a choice not to obsess about uncertainty. My first prayer for the day, is:
“God, give me something for which to be joyful today.”
Then I make it my business to go looking for that something throughout the day. I’ve limited my daily news watching to one half hour, enough to keep me informed, but not enough to feed agitation and hopelessness. And I’ve switched away from the cable news programs that focus more on editorial commentary. My local channel gives me the facts, and I form my own commentary.
I make sure to go outside every day. Luckily, living in in a warm locale with enough open space, I have plenty of safe unmasked time. I have found socially distancing exercise classes, keeping my endorphins flowing, along with much-needed human contact within the six-foot boundaries of safety.
In the past, I was always one for planning ahead, for setting goals, and striving. I find that the luxury of retirement allows me to look at each day as a separate entity unto itself. My mantra
“I am open and receptive for all that I need to know today.”
I’m delving into the calming effects of Yoga breath work, and neuroscience techniques of bringing calmness to the brain.
I find stability in the familiar routines that I now define as rituals: morning prayer/meditation, household chores –nurturing my home; making a ceremony out of mealtime—either in a restaurant or at home; family visits electronically, or in person when possible.
I look back on my ancestors who endured uncertainty, and call forth the strength in my DNA, embracing uncertainty with hope.
I was looking for a way to share this on my timeline this morning! It so reflects the experience many of us are sharing. Thank you for motivating me to tighten up my routine a bit more. This pandemic has taken a lot of the energy to get up and go. I’m an early riser and try to put positive activities into my life. Brain fog keeps me realistic in just how much I’ll accomplish during the day. It’s a time for slowing down and trusting in the moment.
Uncertainty gave me more concern as I aged. These past 20 months added to these concerns. Both large and small. Losing friends and adding fear on a daily basis. Shortage of products in the stores and now inflation causing rising prices for everything. I did not want to continue on this path. Taking these few steps was necessary for my good frame of mind. 1) health; had my yearly exams with my primary care doctor, eye exam, dentist and mammogram. 2) stop listening to the news (use to non stop) 3) remove negative people and conversation and attitude from my life. Now that I have a clean slate I am moving forward to take care of myself spiritually, physically, and mentally. We all must do what we can. And never forget that God is in charge
Amy, You are so sensible and rational, as always!!! Seek joy in all you do, that’s the best philosophy. I look for joy every day and an opportunity to bring joy to someone else every day. It gives me purpose in the way that work and caring for my family used to. And it brings me pleasure and happiness to reach out to someone who is sick or hurting and let her know I care. I send you love and hugs today and look forward to the time when I can really hug you in person – maybe next June???
My partner and I dealt with the COVID limitations well. We learned how to order everything from groceries to the shape of our days, striving to keep away the ‘Blursday’ doldrums. When 2021 teased us with reopening of so many things we started making plans. Big mistake. In mid-March I got the diagnosis of late stage ovarian cancer. The past six months have been the real ‘blursdays” of life with a lengthy hospitalization following debunking surgery, then an even longer downtime of chemotherapy. But, as I told my children at least a million times, the only constant in life is change. I’m now in remission, my hair is growing back and I am regaining energy enough to start walking, gardening, going to concerts, visiting friends. Miracles abound if you look for them up close and personal.
My dear Amy,
So good to hear that your life seems interesting, exciting and thoughtful.
The phrase ” I am open and receptive for all that I need to know today” resonates with me. I am beginning to slow up and smell the roses somewhat. Still terrified of what the day may bring but handling it better. I find breathwork and visualization to help so much. I am 74.5 and ponder, probably to much pondering.
My family is 5 hours away and with arthritis through me it is difficult if not impossible to go visit, however no one visits me. No sad story, due to pandemic and age, I have a few friends all of us Have to work and it is not easy at this age. I would like to find a little inner peace and through Insight Timer App I do get to talk to like minded people albeit a little younger and listen to interactive live talks (so much fun) on subjects I like and there are many They have 1,500,000 teachers and subscribers on so many subjects. They are in 157 countries so I find it fun to listen. They go from early morning to late at night. Anyway enough about IT. I never thought 74 would be so different than 69 but for me I know it is. I have my husband, my dog Dora as old as I am in dog years, my own home, car and bills. My job (a Realtor as is my husband) My motto is to “do something (even small” for another every day
Wave, smile, it doesn’t always bring a homerun but first base is good too.
Thank you 70 Candles for giving us this platform.