Hello from Ellen.
I am starting this way because our holiday greeting has in past years been written by Jane. We are a close team. We have been besties since we were 14, across many state lines as our lives have changed. This year it’s my turn.
I will begin as Jane has in years past: “We appreciate and send all our best wishes to you who have been with us for so many years, and to those we continue to welcome as new subscribers to 70Candles.com. We value the thoughtful and heartfelt conversations that continue on this blog as we help and support each other through challenges…and joys.”
YES WE DO!
Last year at this time Jane continued “This year of the COVID-19 pandemic and political turmoil is about to end. The virus remains a threat…we stay masked…but the new vaccines offer a ray of hope that we will eventually see the end of this epidemic. Many have suffered illness, loss, loneliness, and depression. We hope you are all well and safe.” I feel demoralized as I think how little has changed. Yes, vaccines, boosters, and home tests are here, thank goodness. But everyone I know is in a dither at this moment about how to have a safe and simultaneously happy holiday season. The headline in this morning’s New York Times is this: Good morning. Ready to give up on Covid? Spare a moment to think about older people. The article presents facts about how much more vulnerable to the impact of Covid people are over the age of 75, vulnerable even to death, even if they are vaccinated and boosted. One study reports the risk of death for women who have been vaccinated and still contract Covid is .45%…very small but very real. And we all know how much more dreadful the stats are for those who, for whatever unsound reason, remain unvaccinated.
Yet…this cannot, must not, dictate the entirety of our lives. My husband and I are uncertain about whether to attend Christmas dinner with nine members of our large family. It’s two days from now, and we continue to dither. And then do we get on a plane and visit close friends for New Year’s Eve as we’ve done for decades—except for last year, of course?
This has been life in 2021 for most of us. Weighing risks and benefits, feeling uneasy about any and all decisions. Dealing with a possibly even escalating political divide in the US that none of us has seen before. And it looks like 2022 will be more of the same.
So what can we do? First is to hope that the newly approved but not yet available Pfizer and Merck pills will live up to expectations. Stay as safe as we can but not sacrifice unbearably (yes we will go to our son’s for Christmas dinner; yes we will travel for New Year’s Eve—maybe). Figure out for ourselves how to address the political climate. Personally I will volunteer at the polls next year, send donations however small to candidates I respect, and continue to stay informed. I am entering my final semester of work, work I love (I am a college professor), but I’ll be 81 in less than three months, and it’s time to pass the baton. I want to savor every moment I have left of a fulfilling career, and then will see what comes next.
And what else? Three things come to mind, and I kinda-sorta see this as advice to myself and perhaps to you, our sister blog-mates, as we begin a new year. (1) Always, always figure out ways to stay connected, even during a pandemic, to those about whom we care—family, colleagues, friends, neighbors, strangers. Research abounds about the dangers of loneliness and isolation. One of my favorite quotes is from a now deceased psychologist named Chris Peterson: “There is no such thing as a happy hermit.” (2) Remember the positive benefits of gratitude and kindness—to ourselves, to others, to the world. I am so excited to see that research from Positive Psychology is spreading to schools, to communities, to countries. The December calendar in front of me at this very moment says, in beautiful flowing script, “Kindness is the Flower of Humanity.” (3) Find inspiration wherever we can.
For the first time in my life I am enjoying TV binging, with shows like “Call My Agent!” and “Ted Lasso.” As an avid life-long reader (did anyone else sneak-read Nancy Drew under the covers as a child?), I continue to find excitement, joy, inspiration from books—fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, mysteries—just as long as they’re not too technical (I save that for work). My as-of-late favorites all relate to aging, and it is my pleasure to end this greeting by suggesting a few.
The Thursday Murder Club, a novel by Richard Osman, is a hoot. Four septuagenarians live in a retirement community and meet weekly to solve cold-cases. Finally they have a real murder to solve, perhaps two. I’m half-way through this one, and I can’t wait to get back to it. The second is The Book of Hope: A Survival Guide for Trying Times, in which Douglas Abrams interviews environmentalist and ethologist, and our age-mate, Jane Goodall. Talk about inspiring. It is not a spoiler when I tell you that Goodall presents four reasons we can be hopeful for the future. They include “the amazing human intellect,” “the resilience of nature,” “the power of young people,” and “the indomitable human spirit.” Truly, I feel hopeful just typing these words. And finally is a book with a title that makes me laugh every time I think about it: Advice for Future Corpses and Those Who Love Them: A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying, by Sallie Tisdale. Comments on the back cover say it better than I can. “…Sallie Tisdale provides a frank, direct, and compassionate meditation on the inevitable.” A New York Times review says, “she invites not just awe or dread—but our curiosity. And why not? We are, after all, just ‘future corpses pretending we don’t know.’” I found the book, as the title suggests, to be wise, warm, and humorous.
And I will end as Jane has in the past. May the New Year ahead be a better one for us all. A toast to 2022!
Ellen
Glad you wrote this. Thanks for the book reviews.
Thank you both for this blog. It helps more than you can imagine. When it appeared Covid was declining, I felt enormous relief. Then learned we had another mutation. I am enormously bothered by the anti-vaxxers, the anti-maskers and the anti-distancers. What helps me is to think about all the ways I have my own blinders. We all have them.
This year I saw both my children and grands. My son and his family stayed with me in my downsized home. My daughter who lives in the area was her with her daughter daily. Both my kids nearly did everything meal wise. Everyone had Covid tests regularly.
I have enormous gratitude. Things could be so much worse and in time, we will get through this. It still isn’t safe to fly and I look forward to the time when I can visit my son in his home. I haven’t been there since Covid began.
Please know you and our wonderful readers are always in my heart. I look forward to everyone’s story and take each one in. Here’s to 2022!
Thank you Ellen for a wise and uplifting letter. I declined to travel to visit my daughter-in-law’s family this holiday. It’s been a tradition for a number of years, but 3 of the 6 members refused to be vaccinated and I felt it was just too much of a risk. (I’m 75) Thanks especially for your book review! I’ve read 2 of the 3 and now will put “Advice for future corpses…” on my list.
Ellen, amazing 3 advices! Thank you so much! Will share your advice (quoting) for my New Year FB post. Keep doing what you are doing.
Thanks, Hanna (73)
That was both interesting and enlightening. Yes staying connected is so important.
Sometimes we can’t. I am not seeing my son and our family,
6 grandchildren and 4 greats. All refuse to be vaccinated and consider vaccine as interference by the govt, and of course none wear masks and all have recently had Covid. While missing them hurts, my husband and I need to protect ourselves and make smart not emotional decisions. I hope your family is vaccinated and that you all have a wonderful holiday. I have not seen my family since the beginning of 2021.
Pata, that is so painful. While like you, I can not understand the anti-vaxxers, non-maskers, anti-distancers, it does teach us something. A friend and I had a long phone conversation this morning about adult children and the myriad of decisions they make. Between their parenting skills, relationship skills and responses to this pandemic so many of the things our generation valued are no longer present.
I remember my own mom (who would be 100 now) commenting on things I did, decisions our generation made. She couldn’t understand many of them. Or how self-centered our generation is. But with these things also comes the good. We stood up to government and worked to make life more inclusive.
This generation does not like the government controls. While the refusal to follow health guidelines is a good thing, I do see a more eco-friendly outlook than our generation had. The pendulum always swings to the extreme and ultimately centers itself.
If I personally have learned anything (or I should say am learning) it emphasizes the need to focus on ourself and let them be who they are. I know, it is great in theory and the application is so very hard.
I haven’t been to my son’s home since the fall of 2019 due to Covid. Very possibly it will be another couple of years until it is safe to travel. The clock continues to tick and we are always left to our own devices. I sure do not have answers on how to endure this. Please continue to tell us how you are doing. This forum has made it safe to say we are all struggling. Thank you for your honesty. Hugs.
Nice, Ellen. Still love and use your son’s vase. A joyous and healthy 2022!