Diana, Age 71
I’m the same person I was at ten only a bit slower of foot and intellect. My mind doesn’t feel seventy, but then it didn’t feel ten. I still have dreams and ambitions, fears and regrets.
I’m still the same person, perhaps experience and past mistakes have given me a little wisdom, but I just feel like me. Not an old lady. Just Me.
I still like to travel, but those long flights are a downer. I’m trading them in for city stays with afternoon rests. I enjoy art and music, reading, gardening and cooking as much as ever, and with the help of cataract surgery and glasses I see quite well. My hearing’s compromised a bit with mild tinnitus and age related hearing loss, but my major hearing problem probably isn’t hearing related at all. I have trouble with comprehension when people talk fast. That’s probably more a brain function. Whatever, it’s my new reality, along with the need to pace my activities since my stamina wanes. I don’t want to define myself in terms of my health, but my health seems intent on intruding on who I am.
My husband and I still handle all our own finances, but now instead of worrying about job loss, we worry about our pension plan being defunded, the effect of future inflation on our income and savings, and which will last longer – our money or us. We’ve written wills and dealt all the other elder care legal issues . And we’re agreed that we’ll never make a major decision without talking it over with both our children. We do all our banking online, and as we age will eventually set up automatic bill pay. Our next big decision is probably deciding when we move into an apartment. So far there’s nothing in our community that we like, so we’re giving ourselves more time.
Of course I have health issues. And far less stamina than I had when younger. So I garden for shorter intervals early in the day since I can no longer take the heat. Twice a week I lift weights at the local YMCA. I do Yoga and ride the exercise bike twice a week and walk for an hour each day. But, nevertheless, I understand that while I’m buying flexibility and strength, I’m not delaying my eventual death. I’m just trying to make this part of my life as enjoyable as possible.
My husband and I have handed over some of our responsibilities to others: we have a handyman, bi-weekly cleaning service, lawn service….the list will only grow longer. I call them all my ‘Easy Button’ and enjoy my free time.
I’m living proof that all grandmotherly-looking women aren’t necessarily patient and gentle, but I do my best to fake it. I come closest to losing my cool when patronized. Please don’t reassure me that I shouldn’t be ‘afraid’ of the buttons on my washing machine and don’t be ‘impressed’ that I use the calendar on my cell phone. I’m old, not helpless. Please don’t remind me that someday I might be.
What’s hardest for me? I miss those I love who are no longer here. I miss the involvement of work and the friends from my past who are no longer part of my life. I’m lonely for those long laughing lunches with other women and summer vacation with my small children. Hardest of all is the sense of helplessness. I’m getting old and frail, I know that I’m not as sharp as I once was, and the economy and my health will do what they do. I never could control the forces that govern my life. I still can’t. So I try to focus on today and accept that the world will spin along without me.
Yet these are among the best years of my life. I have the time to appreciate that I have a good marriage and that my children grew up to be nice people. I can do what interests me and ignore a lot that doesn’t. I can take the time to smile at the checkout girl at the market and thank those who help me. I can glory in the fact that my daughter and daughter-in-law can hold the positions of authority that were denied me (even if I join their grumble at pay inequality). I have time to savor the moment and the knowledge of how fleeting that moment is.
I know that health issues will eventually create stress and my life will be far less smooth, and that for most people their last few years are difficult. But I’ll face that when it comes and make the best of things that I can. For my major job in old age is to prove to my children (and myself) that if one focuses on the quality of a well-lived life it is indeed worth living.
Who am I? Actually I turned 71 on Sunday. I’m a Caucasian Southerner born in New Orleans and living in Knoxville. I taught English composition and worked as a GSUSA director. I have a husband and two adult children, two grandchildren, and a good, if quiet, life.
I enjoyed reading your story very much. I turned 70 in June. I never thought my night vision would worsen, or my hearing, or my balance. But suddenly these things are happening. It is all gradual, but I was in denial for a long time that all this would be part of my life plan. Mind over matter doesn’t always work. Just started to do volunteer work that requires some hiking to get to a hawk observation site. I’ve noticed that I am the last one of the hill and try not to have anyone notice any huffing and puffing. I was glad my application for the volunteering didn’t ask age. I keep pushing. I also substitute teach in special education from time to time because it makes me feel valued. Just suddenly feeling old. So glad there is a site for interchange on this topic. Helps knowing I am not alone.
Thank you so much for sharing the details of your life. I turned 50 last month, and I am quite enjoying it, which surprises me. Reading your post has made me feel much more comfortable and secure about turning 70, not that I had any particular negative feelings towards it. I still have time to make my 70th life whatever I want it to be. But you have given me some ideas of how I can make it better and what it can be like. Thank you.
This is lovely and real. Thank you for sharing.
I have read a few posts and this is the most real. I am 70, am divorced and supporting two grown children in MY house. I have NO grandchildren to my saddness. I don’t have extensive funds for amazing travel. I exercise to stay strong and safe as I age but have no need to “prove I am young” by running marathons. I enjoy gardening, doing genealogy, reading and learning Spanish to communicate with my daughter’s Venezuelan in-laws. I am president of my local genealogical society. I am active in my church. The rosy picture painted by those with perfect marriages, achieving grandchildren, extensive travel etc are not always achievable by the rest of us. Days in retirement are often boring. I do all my own shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry. I am a retired nurse practitioner, RN and nursing educator. I have a Master’s degree in nursing. My health is generally good. I am thankful for what I have and what I have achieved. I have recently questioned all the efforts of healthy eating, exercise etc to live longer. Longer for what? Haven’t answered that yet.
Mary, I find aging to be bittersweet. Any wisdom I’ve been lucky enough to accrue will have to be applied to those looming cliffs and valleys in my future.
But at the moment, it’s very pleasant here on the plateau.
This is my first read of a share and I found it lovely, if a tad sad. However, I applaud the sincerity and good attitude of this lovely lady who reminds me to count my blessings, especially about my mobility. I hope to always remain humble about the fact that I can still be incredibly mobile but have to admit that I, for one, have made exercise (and self-care plus uncompromised healthy eating habits) #1 priority. It has paid dividends. And, on that note, I am off to the gym. Thank you so much for your lovely share.