Ione Barcus, Age 72
Yes, reaching seventy was hard. It hurt that I could no longer see the young thing I always saw reflected in my magic mirror. I had to look at myself and say, “What now?”
Married thirty years, the husband only a few years older. I worry watching him age. I know he now sees an old woman here beside him, and treats me as such.
And yet, I have just begun to fly. The typical woman for my generation (two marriages, two children, six grandchildren, college degrees, and retired from work), I now have time to enjoy myself, and be myself. I just wish I knew who I am myself ! I have money, time, security, and a supportive husband. In other words, I am finally independent. Yet still insecure as I balance “ought” and “want” into every day.
I took up yoga…in fact, I now teach yoga, and encourage everyone I know to do so. It has proven my salvation. I am seeking spiritual awakening, the old ones haven’t worked for me. I am learning to face my eventual demise. So I read a lot, meditate, move, and never turn down an invitation to have fun.
I feel I am leaving my husband behind…in his easy chair. I have to learn how to deal with this without anger and judgement. I am not there.
This is such a unique perspective that it seems many people don’t talk about—how one spouse feels about retirement might not be the same as the other spouse. Retirement can be a difficult transition, but especially for men if they saw themselves as the primary provider of the family and “breadwinner.” The identities and roles people hold when they have a job can really influence how they feel about their productivity at work, and it can be tough to find new ways to continue feeling productive once you retire. It sounds like you’ve found ways to feel intellectually and emotionally productive, which is great! I wonder if there are new activities that you can do together that might be fulfilling for both of you—volunteering, taking up a new hobby, sharing teaching experiences (you teach him some yoga, he teaches you something that he feels skilled in).
Thanks for sharing, I, too, feel that my husband is sitting life out, and I can’t seem to interest him in anything that requires him to get up off that chair (literally and figurativly). Glad to know I’m not alone.
try a little sex in that chair he’s in……..worked for us. now he’s chasing me around again.
I SOOOOO Relate to feeling like I am leaving my DH behind in his easy chair….but that is where he chooses to be. IT is NOT my job to fix him..thankfully I KNOW that today. AND yes, to be coming into our own, isn’t that what it is ALL ABOUT?? thanks for sharing.
Kudos to you, Ione, for leaving the easy chair behind in search of your new self! If we’re lucky enough to live so long, we all go through many different versions of ourselves. I’m convinced that the people who age gracefully and vibrantly are the people who embrace this change and are constantly curious and engaged in the world around them. And yoga–or anything that gets you moving–helps, too!