Sharing a dilemma

Patti,  Age 71

This is the first time I’ve ever written into anything! LOL! I found this website this morning and knew I could share my dilemma and get others insight….so here goes

Three years ago I sold my sweet little house in NC and bought a house in MS. I did this so my daughter could be near her son. I had lived in NC for 25 years and had many great girlfriends with lots to do and fun times. I have not adjusted well to this life in MS and long for my NC. Last year I bought a condo back in NC near my old house. I found I don’t do condo living well….I must have dirt in which to play. Even though the condo was near my old neighborhood it just didn’t work. I sold it and moved back to MS where I still owned a home where my daughter and her son were living so here I am back where I don’t want to be!

My daughter is in a serious relationship and her son just started college. I have relatives living two hours away, but I don’t see them any more than I did when I lived in NC. I’ve always been the one to travel for visits. I don’t feel I can sell this house in MS as long as my daughter needs a place to live so that means my funds are small for purchasing another house in NC…but doable. I could also purchase a small house here in MS, but I’m still stuck in MS if I do that.

I truly want to go back to my friends and NC, but is that the right thing to do at my age? I am very healthy and active and I would like to find peace and happiness.                     Any thoughts out there?

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26 Responses to Sharing a dilemma

  1. Judy says:

    Patti
    Life’s too short, find a way, but move back to where you will be happy.

  2. Adele says:

    You need to follow your heart not try to accommodate others so much. Sounds like they have a successful life, and you have accomplished your duty, so you need to find what makes you happy.

  3. Lisa says:

    Hi Patti!

    What do you mean by “at my age”? Are you expecting to die soon? You have many years ahead and I think you know what you want to do. Is your daughter handicapped? I’ll bet not. Let her find her way. If she read this, she would probably want you to go as well. I am 72, living in a large house and teaching line dance to seniors. Being happy is EVERYTHING. You are the only one who will take care of your happiness, so do it. Friends matter “at our age.”

    • Oh Lisa, thank you so much. I’ve been going back and forth with what I needed to do and yes it seems I’m always thinking of others, but now it’s time to find my happiness again. I must figure out how to relay this message to my daughter so she doesn’t feel I’m turning her out into the big bad world. Oh, no I don’t plan on dying anytime soon…I still have too much to do.
      Patti

  4. Mary Lou says:

    Ditto to all of the above!
    One more point ~ I’m 75 and some of my friends are moving to other areas or are dealing with illness and end of life issues. Friends are important yet feeling contented and happy in the place where you live is most important. I have one son and his family an hour away and that’s comforting to me (I wish my other children lived closer) Having in place many avenues for continuing my contented, healthy and comforting life is most important to me at this time of my life. Be well, Patti!
    http://www.meinthemiddlewrites.com

    • Thank you Mary Lou, You and everyone have given me the answers I needed. Sometimes when you feel you have no where to turn out of the blue something turns up and that’s what happened yesterday when I found the 70 Candles website…..
      Take care and keep teaching that dancing.
      Patti

  5. Blog Mavens says:

    Please do not let your age stop you from doing what will make your heart sing. Our time here is so short and should be filled with joy.

    May God always bless you and all you love,

    Marilyn

    • Thank you Marilyn. Yesterday God led me to 70 Candles and I found through all of you the answer I needed. I just need to be strong and follow my road back to happiness.
      Patti

  6. Blog Mavens says:

    If you sold your bigger house in MS because you were moving permanently back to NC where you are happy and then helped your daughter buy a small house for just the two of them, maybe you would have enough funds to buy a small house in NC for you and company when they visit.
    Laurie

    • Hi Laurie, It’s not the financial part that boggles me. I’m good at that stuff.
      It’s the upsetting others lives or the possibility of hurting someone. I know it’s time for me to be strong for me and I will do this.
      Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have large amounts of money stacked up in the corner. I know I will need to purchase me a small house and have a mortgage for a year or so. I can do this!!! I will do this!!
      Take care.
      Patti

  7. Blog Mavens says:

    For Patty,
    We have the same name and are the same age.
    I would go back to NC and enjoy the rest of your life. I would love to live in NC but now in W P Beach.
    No heady words just find your way back to North Carolina it – will make everybody happy. Everybody has a life and you’re entitled to make the best of yours.
    You can’t worry about everyone, so the best thing is to go back to your friends.
    Good luck
    Patty

  8. Blog Mavens says:

    This is just my personal opinion. Never, NEVER think you can’t do something or buy something or want something because of your age. Especially when you say you are very healthy and active. I remember years ago when an elderly aunt needed extensive work on her teeth and her son said, why spend the money now for that — she did not do it. I was furious then and today I am near the age that she was at the time – and am even more furious.

    It clearly sounds as if you already know the answer to your question so just do it.

    Anything is the right thing to do at ANY age (unless of course, there are extenuating circumstances). Today is today, not tomorrow. Be happy and by the way, your chances of staying healthy will be much higher if you are happy doing what you want.

    It sounds like your daughter lives with you – and that might be one of the issues. Sell the house in MS, and let your daughter find another place to live. If she has a college student for a child, she should be able to support herself (Of course, here again, there might be health issues but if not, no no no).

    Everyone gets one chance to live a life – LIVE YOUR LIFE.
    Rosemarie

    • Thanks Rosemarie. I have decided I will go back to NC. It’s time I let others begin to take more of a role in figuring out their life, My
      daughter is 45 and yes she has had health issues in the past, but she is doing fine now and loves living in MS so I shouldn’t feel bad for leaving. I will find a small house back in NC.
      Thank you again for your insight.
      Patti

      • rosemarie clune says:

        What good news. From what I am seeing, one of the issues facing women our age is that expectations have changed for all. Our generation had a model presented to them that included independence and a spectrum of opportunities. And many of us grabbed them. BUT we also became moms, which kept us in an older framework. That is where we are now — but independence, joy, curiosity, new experiences, satisfaction should be at the top of everyone’s list.

  9. Gracie says:

    Hi Patty. Move back to your friends. Good friends are gold. You’re only 71 now but time has a way of accelerating age as we get to our 70s +. Not to be depressing, just a fact. You will never make the same friends that you met in NC. Better to be with those supportive friends than to start new. Your daughter needs to try take care of herself and let you live your life where you are happy.

    • Oh Gracie. Thank you for the support. I do love my friends and miss them so much. I know in my heart moving back is the right thing for me.
      I also know it’s time my daughter makes her own way.
      Patti

  10. Blog Mavens says:

    I would say “move back to NC … ”
    Sandra

  11. Sherry Stafford says:

    Patti,
    Get yourself back here to NC where dear friends love you and will visit you, chief among them…ME! I will help you move and settle. You know we will have all the fun and girl-trips we can pack into the coming years! Your welcome-back-to-NC party is on me and is already in the planning stage!
    Sherry

  12. Ellen says:

    When Jane and I started this blog we never imagined that it would reach so many women or that it would actually become a place for conversation. Our dream for old women like ourselves (and I LOVE being an “old woman”–I hope others agree it’s a term to embrace) was that what we needed more than anything else at our age was to “gather together.” We even wrote an article by that name (in the lovely book 70 Things to do When You Turn 70). So our hearts are full today realizing that our blog is achieving its intended purpose. There’s a Yiddish word “kvelling” that means something like being extraordinarily pleased. We are kvelling.

    Thank you, Patti, for reaching out on our blog, and thank you to all who responded. I can’t wait wait to see what’s next.

  13. Blog Mavens says:

    PLEASE go back to NC today! That is what YOU want to do. Life is getting shorter by the day.
    PD

  14. BC says:

    Patti,

    I like everyone being so supportive…very cool!

    I feel compelled to offer some options to also consider…

    #1 The wheel of balance to reflect on all facets of your life…it is free and online.
    Link: http://retiresuccessfully.co.za/wheel-balance/

    #2 The retirement options coach has two retirement comprehensive assessment tools…may cost about $200-$300, but is comprehensive and research-based for informed decision-making.
    Link: https://www.retirementoptions.com/

    #3 The Sage-ing International has free membership and great information on engaging ageing with sageing wisdom in elderhood. Check to see if there is a Sageing Chapter or Wisdom Circle nearby.
    Link: http://www.sage-ing.org/

    Regardless of what you decide, may you be blessed. I hope this is helpful to you in some way and maybe to others who post here…they have been helpful to me in sorting out my 3rd stage of life, as has the 70candles community.

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