Mark your calendar! Dialogue with the authors online

POSITIVE AGING: A WEEK IN DIALOGUE WITH THE AUTHORS JANE GIDDAN, ELLEN COLE, AND MARY GERGEN

November 6 – 10, 2017

Posted by Dawn Dole, Taos Institute

Monday – Thursday, November 6-10, we will engage in conversation online in a virtual, asynchronous web space. Sharing stories, asking questions, learning, exploring with the authors and the others who join in online.

Friday, we will close the week with a live webinar with the authors Jane Giddan, Ellen Cole, and Mary Gergen. We hope you will join in all week, at your own pace and schedule, and then culminate the week with the live webinar.

This Week in Dialogue with the Authors will focus on Positive Aging through the lens of three books. The authors contribute to a growing appreciation of the aging process while challenging the longstanding view of aging as decline. By focusing on the positive aspects of aging, retirement and opportunities in our 8th decade and beyond, these authors explore the availability of resources, skills, and resiliencies. They bring useful insights and stories into the realm of practice but create hope and empower action among older people. By moving beyond the stereotypes of repair and prevention, to emphasize growth-enhancing activities, we can contribute more effectively to the societal reconstruction of aging. These books are great for anyone who is interested, engaged and oriented toward continuing enrichment over the life course.

THE BOOKS:

PATHS TO POSITIVE AGING: DOG DAYS WITH A BONE AND OTHER ESSAYS, BY MARY GERGEN & KENNETH GERGEN
This book is a treasure trove for erasing the stereotypes that darken the vision of aging, and encountering the passing years as a marvelous gift. It is a persuasive document declaring that we are indeed fortunate to grow old. Reinventing aging is to focus on the gains of aging is to realize that the later years are among the richest and most rewarding of one’s life.

70CANDLES! WOMEN THRIVING IN THEIR 8TH DECADE, BY JANE GIDDAN & ELLEN COLE
As they turned 70, the authors of 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade set out to investigate how women their age and older were living their lives. They sought role models for themselves and messages for the droves of baby boomers on their heels. They were curious about the challenges and joys of their age-mates, their work and retirement status, living arrangements, family and social connections, and more. This book, informative and inspirational, describes what they found in their reading, their ongoing 70candles.com blog, and 70candles conversation groups held in various parts of the U.S.

RETIRING BUT NOT SHY: FEMINIST PSYCHOLOGISTS CREATE THEIR POST-CAREERS, EDITORS ELLEN COLE & MARY GERGEN
The stories in RETIRING BUT NOT SHY combine to produce an inspiring, poignant, funny, motivating rich mosaic on the stage of life, “retirement.” Whether these amazing feminist authors are “poised on the diving board,” in “the mid-air plunge,” or in “splash down and re-entry,” they provide very honest, informative personal and professional experiences and insights as they look back, as well as forward. It is a superb discourse on the variety of ways to engage with this stage of life. Readers (women and men, retired or not) will laugh and cry and relate to the humbling parts of life. We can all be inspired to make choices now to have meaningful and rich futures. — Melba Vasquez, PhD, ABPP

How to join in:

Monday – Thursday – visit this webpage every day for a few minutes. Read the posts, share, comment, and ask questions. Come as often as you like during the day and week.

Friday, Nov 10, 2017 10:00 AM Eastern Standard Time (US and Canada)- join the live webinar. To register for the webinar, go to this link:

Register at this link before Nov. 10th: https://taoslearning.ning.com

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

Posted in 70candles, Caretaking, Dealing with loss, Grandparenting, Looking ahead, Networking, Older women connecting, Resilience, What do we do with our time?, Where to live, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Old with purpose and gratitude

Bobbi Fisher,  Age 77

I’m old. Not in the physical ways of a person age 77, but I’m old in years, and that very fact guides the sense of meaning that I feel and experience in my life. Put succinctly, more and more my age is becoming the filter through which I lead my life. Now that I’ve said that, let me go on to say that I continue to live fully.

I’ve had a rich life. Wonderful parents, great husband for 54 years, two children, four grandchildren. My teaching career was rewarding; I published six books for teachers describing my experiences as a kindergarten and first grade teacher. When I retired I earned a divinity degree and became the spiritual care counselor for a local hospice.

I ask myself if now I am really retired. Well, yes and no. Yes, in that I have more free and unscheduled time to satisfy my longing for silence, solitude and simplicity, which I blog about in www.acottagebythesea.net and more time to attend to my spiritual life, which I blog about in www.aprayerdiary.net. I have more time to spend with family and friends, to help at my church, to read for pleasure, to travel, and to write.

No, I am not retired because, as I just described, I still have purpose. For most of my life this quest for meaning was unconscious, but as my 80th birthday looms just two years away, I notice I am more conscious of, and at times less certain of, what I am doing here on the planet. And yet, I know that with purpose I am able to accept physical changes, acknowledge new ways of being and doing, and embrace my ending as it comes ever more vividly into view.

As a person who looks to the future, I’ve had to adjust my purpose to fit the limited number of years ahead of me. My mom lived to be 101 years of age. I was 71. A few years before she died, we talked about what she could do to be helpful now that she was limited physically.
“Well,” she told me, “I can always smile at people.”
She filled her life with meaning right up to the end.

Thanks, Mom. As I wrote in “Very Grateful: The Story of My Hundred Year Old Mother And Me,” I, too, am very grateful.

Posted in 70candles, Family matters, Goals ahead, Gratitude and Spirituality, Looking ahead, What do we do with our time? | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ageless Authors

For all you writers out there, I recommend you take a look at the Ageless Authors  website. It’s a contest for writers 65 and older.

Full disclosure…I am a contest judge again this year, but be assured, I’m not able see the names of submitting authors.

This year’s deadline is December 15, 2017, and  all entries will be through the Submittable portal. Winners get cash awards and will be included in a published anthology. See the contest rules at http://www.agelessauthors.com

This might be your chance to get your writing ‘out there.’

Good Luck!

Jane

 

Posted in 70candles, Poetry, Read Stories, Share your story, What do we do with our time? | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Hopes and hazards of dating after 70

Gloria, Age 74

Lately I have been ‘meeting’ men who have contacted me via an online dating site. My experiences have been so enlightening, and so funny, I feel compelled to share them with other women. I’ll start with one, and continue later.

Of course, I maintain the safety of only meeting in a public place and my last name is not known. I’m seeking men with whom I can share a dance or two, not looking for a mate.

The first date I accepted because the man stated he liked to dance and wanted to meet me at a local Italian restaurant. He called the morning of the date to ask if I minded that he had a cane…being a very accepting type of person I said, of course not. In reality, he had difficulty approaching me in the restaurant waiting area, even with his cane, and during dinner, he described that he recently returned after a stay in a rehab facility due to a back surgery, he had recovered from cancer and had also suffered a heart attack last year. As we departed the restaurant, since he could barely walk, I asked what type of dancing he could claim. As he headed toward his 1980 white Cadillac, he replied, ” of course I can slow dance.”

So be aware that some men our age are in denial of their health issues. So far 4 have needed canes, one was having dialysis 4x a week, one suffers constant vertigo and almost fell on me as he is very tall, I am short, and he bent down for a hug…saved by his cane!

Not easily dissuaded, I have met 14 men so far, for a first date. A few have been “several date worthy.” And I am seeing one weekly, but still “shopping”, and he knows that.

Posted in 70candles, Dating after 70, HUMOR, Men aging, What do we do with our time? | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The New Old Age

Our own Ellen Cole (in the coral jacket) was on a panel in New York, October 4, 2017, organized by The Atlantic.

Watch this discussion about aging in place, or as it evolved, aging in the right place for you.

This topic continues to be a concern of many on our blog.

Let us know what you think.

Posted in 70candles, Caretaking, Family matters, Networking, Where to live | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Stuck in a rut-help!

Anonymous,  Age 68

Hello,
Please help…I am stuck in a life rut and desperate to change my lifestyle. I hope there is someone out there who can offer some helpful advice. I am shy that’s why my letter is short but I do have a lot to ask and hope you can help me change my life and start enjoying it.

Posted in 70candles, Networking, Older women connecting | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Up from Down Under

Eleanor,  Age 69

I live in Adelaide, South Australia. For the first 21 years of my life I lived in a religious cult. I was born into that cult. When I left I walked into a huge social change taking place with the Vietnam War protests, the advent of the pill, Women’s Lib and a little later equal pay. I was also very fortunate that at the time of my foray into another world, our PM made university free for all.

I married, had two children then started and completed my BA. This was very important as education was withheld from me before I left home. Later I was diagnosed with life threatening Wegeners’ Granulamatosis. I recovered then my husband and I divorced. I studied for my Grad Dip Ed which qualified me as a senior English teacher. I taught for 10years. During that time I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and had a cystectomy.
Health issues forced me to retire at 63. I went back to university to take Honours and this year I have finished my M.Phil.

I belong to a post graduate writing group where young people accept me unconditionally. I also go to Core Pilates twice weekly. I have a group of close friends. No grandchildren which doesn’t bother me. I am mobile and very fortunate to have found excellent medical care.

So I will be 70 next year. I love life and try not to think about the road ahead.

Posted in 70candles, About turning 70, Our bodies, our health, Resilience, Share your story, What do we do with our time? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Wonder and enthusiasm at independent bookstores

 

Remember the pleasant bookstores of our youth? Most are gone, but not forgotten. Now, independent bookstores are beginning to emerge once more, in cities across the country. They are comfortable places to browse and learn about books from knowledgeable booksellers, to hear authors speak, to bring children for storytime, and to meet and share with other book lovers.

I recently attended the opening night, well-attended reception, of a new independent book store in Dallas, called Interabang. It’s named for a little known punctuation mark that combines a question mark with an exclamation point, communicating both wonder and enthusiasm.

To my delight I discovered our book, 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade for sale on the Body/Mind shelf in the non-fiction area.

There’s our book!!

Guest of honor for the evening was best selling author Ann Patchett who owns Parnassus, her own independent book store in Nashville. I gave her a book to take home with her. Fingers crossed that she’ll order it for her Nashville bookshelves. It currently is available from the Parnassus on-line site

Ann Patchett at Interabang opening reception

70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade can be ordered from Ingram by bookstores, and is now designated “returnable,” which should make purchasing a more attractive option for stores. If you have a local independent bookstore, stop in and explore it, chat with the staff…and we would be most grateful if you would introduce them to the 70Candles! book. We’d love to see it available in stores everywhere.

Let us know how it goes.

Many thanks,
Jane

Posted in 70candles, Older women connecting, Stories, What we're reading | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Life is not easy to sort out

My husband of 48 years passed away almost 5 years ago. My friends and family comment on how well I have done moving forward and living independently. My choices are: look forward with optimism or backward with grief. Being human, there are certainly times when grief is overwhelming but I am fortunate to have a loving family and network of friends.

I try to stay open to new ideas and experiences. I did move to a new city in Michigan to live near my son. My previous retirement location with my husband had been in the backwoods of Michigan and that no longer worked for me. And when he was alive we bought a condo in Fl. and had 5 years to develop a social network. So I now live in Michigan 6 months and Fl. 6 months. I love my little house and neighborhood but miss my old friends.

My health is good and I joined the local YMCA and go to various classes. My love is ping pong and in Fl. there are opportunities to enjoy this activity with my age group….not so much in Michigan. I love gardening and am content with my own company which helps.

I think it is very important to surround yourself with optimistic people or find things in your life that keep you directed on a positive course. This age sneaks up on all of us and dwelling on an uncertain future is nonproductive.

I stumbled upon this website from a book I am reading: 70 things to do when you turn 70…edited by Ronnie Sellers. It is an enjoyable read. And this blog is such a good idea. Good luck to all my fellow “age mates”. Life is not easy to sort out and dealing with loss and physical debilitation is not for the weak of heart.

Posted in 70candles, Dealing with loss, Older women connecting, Resilience | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

No longer shy about retiring

Ellen, Age 76

I’ve long been afraid of my own retirement, partly because I’d lose what I love to do, and I couldn’t imagine who I’d be if I weren’t employed. Most of all, I wondered and worried how I’d know when the time was right. And then it happened.

In May of this year I completed three years at my college. I received a letter from the Dean (I used to be a Dean myself) saying that my third-year review was coming up.

Some may remember the tensions of the third-year review, typically for assistant professors poised to rise in the academic ranks. I thought, “Really?” I asked my department chair and she said, “Really.”

Now this school has an incremental three-year retirement plan. It consists of the first year full-time, the second year three quarters or half-time, and the third-year quarter time. There is even the option of working full-time for all three years. That was it for me. The lightning bolt had struck. The sign, the epiphany. There is no way I would participate at my age, with my experience in a third-year review.

I’ve now announced that I will retire in three years, and I have no regrets. I’m reminded of the woman who chose a yoga class over a business meeting. That was her sign. This was mine. Perhaps I will start to collect stories—when did you figure out it was the right time to retire? Was it your own decision or someone else’s? (Hmmm, I guess I’ll always be a psychologist looking for my next project.)

What have I learned from the books I’ve read and written, the women I’ve listened to? What lessons do I want to bring with me as I am now heading toward my own retirement? Is there a “bottom line” to a meaningful retirement? Here’s what I’m thinking—actually my advice to myself—at this moment:

Combat ageism wherever you find it, and it is everywhere; Stay active in mind and body; Look to the future (Martin Seligman calls this “prospecting”); Identify your meaning and purpose; Expand and nurture your social connections (remember, there is no such thing as a happy hermit—Chris Peterson).

And finally, I want to channel George Vaillant for a moment: Question—Who are you when you no longer contribute to the GNP? Answer—A fourth grader.

Enjoy!

Posted in 70candles, Goals ahead, Looking ahead, What do we do with our time?, Work life and retirement | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments