Jenifer, Age 71
i have been divorced since age 49 have always been blessed with good looks. feel wasted years in bad marriage, but had 2 sons and a fear of being alone. my son decided to join the israeli army, and i planned to follow him. i did this and loved it. being in a different culture, i was shocked at the romantic side, couldn’t handle it. loving the country and fearful of transition to return to the uk, i stayed and bought a beautiful penthouse- age 69 [feeling very young]- uk property prices dropped. here was my chance. sold the penthouse, stayed with my kids in uk, bought a large apart, [fully decorated]. after 2 months, such lonliness! felt so cold [externally, and internally]. decided i would have to return to tel-aviv. couldn’t sell. economy in pound sterling. meanwhile, apartmts in tel-aviv rose 27% the pound sterling dropped to an historical low, so i decided to rent my apart in london, and live in 2 rooms in tel-aviv.
i ask myself now, does anything really matter? just wish my marriage could have been even bearable . i dont want to recognise my age. yes, i have grandchildren, and i love them, but this alone is not a life. turning 70 is frightening alone. wish i were richer. even phonecalls from friends are all health complaints. i try to think back to the fun years. for one who has always been good at maths, it hasn’t been a rosegarden. i am healthy, still look good,
but tell me there’s something more than this! PLEASE!
I am struck by your saying you are healthy and still look good. This makes me smile. Not always, but often when I look in the mirror I think I look good, too. Dang–we’re lucky–because I think looking good is such a strong foundation for feeling good–even if we don’t look like our 20 year-old selves (thankfully). But I also hear your lonliness and angst. I notice, too, like you, that when my agemates asssemble we share our physical ailments. But me, I like that sharing. It reminds me of something my 89 year-old pal Rachel told me: “If I wake up without pain I’d know I was dead.” And then she laughed. I wonder what makes you laugh? What makes you feel happy? Is there any way you can have even a small increase of joy in your life? I hope that doesn’t sound trite. I also believe that doing kindnesses for others can lift our own spirits. I am so glad you wrote to 70candles. You sound like you’ve had an adventurous and interesting life, and I’m imaginng that you will figure out how to continue the adventures. Part of that is sharing the heartaches along the way, and Jane and I thank you for letting us in .